They LOVE me in Iraq!

OK, so the crap just kept getting weirder and weirder, ya know? So, I guess I let on too much and Atlas thought I might be on to him (which I was), so he got all out of sorts and paranoid and junk and started demanding that I tell him what was going on. What did I know? What did I suspect? If I had concerns, why didn't I just ask him? Blah, blah, blah! Well, after a full 24 hours of his 'roid raging, I did the only thing a girl could possibly do. I handed him some line (a very vague, yet heartfelt line) in which I spewed some junk about my brother. He bought it. In response he sent me the MOST unbelievable, outrageous email in the history of OMG! Of course I HAD to forward it to Confusia. Well, as strange coincidences go, while I was rereading it and making my brilliant inserts, she was ALSO adding to it. What resulted is genuis...



Here is MY version...(Additions in GREEN.)



First, thanks for sharing...and sorry. I can be a spoiled punk kid when I dont get my way. Shove a pacifier in it you whiny baby. Seriously.



Heres an explanation.Im going to tell you a bit of this because a) you deserve to know why Ive been irrational Oh, I'd already blamed it on the 'roid rage b) it feels cathartic to share with you. Seriously, I'm trying not to vomit in my own mouth right now.



Please know that Im not telling you anything in this email that could or would jeopardize/breach any confidentiality agreements. Because it's all fictious...A few years ago, why today is the fifth anniversary of that very day..., I was hired (and worked) as a civilian contracted combat/field physician for 13 months.



During this time, I saw actual combat, ya know, they say video games today seem like the real thing... and was faced with several 'life or death' scenarios You picked wrong, my friend. Some of these in which I had no other option but to violate my hippocratic oath. Wait, wait, wait. Hold the bus. Haven't I heard this one before??? Only with some poor girl who had cancer?!?!?!?



There is a fine line between being faced with (and responding to with force) imminent danger by chance, and by choice. I didnt break and laws, or operate unethically according to combat code. And to further complicate the issue, there is video footage of at least a few of the incidents A battle reenactment that me and my buddy Scooter shot in the side yard by momma's trailer... Shot by several media groups.



While said civilian contract company makes an effort to 'cleanse' the internet of its American employees identities (to prevent/thwart hostage situations) Hey, Terpsichore, this is why I don't show up as a doctor anywhere, you see, it's kind of like I'm in witness protection, except not really because I'm lying about all of this shit AND it's really not that interesting, its not always 100% effective. So with a bit of diligence and personal info, one could still dig up a few things. I figured something had been discovered. Like the fact that I'm a pathological liar and sociopath.



Please dont feel uncomfortable with my sharing, and know youre one of 3 people in my life that know this much. Nobody else would let me pitch my idea for a really cool action-war flick to them.



Atlas Asshole



The section of the oath that this pertains to:



"I will not use the knife, not even on sufferers from stone, but will withdraw in favor of such men as are engaged in this work."



And now for the comedic stylings of Confusia. (Additions in "You're Shitting Me Red" My favorite new color. If only it were a lipstick shade!



First, thanks for sharing...and sorry. I can be a spoiled punk kid when I dont get my way. For my money, the only factual statement in this thing.



Heres an explanation. If you don't buy this one, I've got a few more I could go with...Im going to tell you a bit of this because a) you deserve to know why Ive been irrational b) it feels cathartic to share with you.



Please know that Im not telling you anything in this email that could or would jeopardize/breach any confidentiality agreements. Love the disclaimer...Nice of him to let Big Brother know this at the beginning. Now they don't have to bother with reading the rest of it. A few years ago, I was hired (and worked) as a civilian contracted combat/field physician for 13 months.



During this time, I saw actual combat, as opposed to pretend combat.and was faced with several 'life or death' scenarios. I see actual combat, too. Every day in my kitchen. They're called ants. Also a life or death scenario. Some of these in which I had no other option but to violate my hippocratic oath.



There is a fine line between being faced with (and responding to with force) imminent danger by chance, and by choice. I didnt break and laws, or operate unethically according to combat code. And to further complicate the issue, there is video footage of at least a few of the incidents. Shot by several media groups. It's convenient that he doesn't tell you the names of alleged media groups...



While said civilian contract company makes an effort to 'cleanse' the internet of its American employees identities (to prevent/thwart hostage situations),and to thwart/prevent anyone from researching his story, its not always 100% effective. So with a bit of diligence and personal info, one could still dig up a few things. Just last week, I got a forward in an e-mail that told me who shot JFK, the exact coordinates for Area 51, and the names and code names of all past, current, and future CIA operatives. It told me that something good would happen in my life if I e-mailed it to ten other people within five minutes. You should be getting it if you haven't already. I figured something had been discovered. I take it back. He doesn't work for Dumbasses, INC! He works for the Umbrella Corporation, makers of the fictional T Virus, and evil corporation that is the basis of the Resident Evil games.



Please dont feel uncomfortable with my sharing, and know youre one of 3 people in my life that know this much. The other two disappeared or died under mysterious circumstances, but don't feel uncomfortable.



Atlas



The section of the oath that this pertains to:



"I will not use the knife, not even on sufferers from stone, but will withdraw in favor of such men as are engaged in this work." I will, however, treat patients while using steroids which I prescribe myself if, by some miracle, it turns out that I really am a doctor...

Sincerely, Confusia