Letters from Inside a Crocodile!

Dear Terps,
Hope you had a good weekend. Mine started off almost as bad as you could imagine, but finished great.

Friday: This day shall henceforth be known as The Day That Must Not Be Named.
Enough said.

Saturday: A little better. I picked up my step-daughter and her half-sister, bringing the total number of kids in my care to 5. I had the following: 12 yo girl, 9 yo girl, 5 yo boy, 4 yo girl, 4 month old girl Good times. We then had a birthday party at my house for three of ours, and two of my sisters. After enjoying corn dogs, pizza, and cake and ice-cream, we took them all down the street to this place called, "Bouncin' Bonanza". It is a huge room full of bounce houses, bounce slides, bounce mazes, bounce boxing rings, and it will give you a huge fuckin' bounce headache! The "piece de resistance" (a la Mike D) Is what I call the Bounce Tube Worm. It is this long tunnel with openings that look like vaginas. When a kid comes out of it, it totally looks like a big, blue vagina is giving birth to five year olds. Gross.Crammed full of wild children literally bouncing off the walls.
Trying to get into the spirit of the thing, and because I have the maturity of a twelve year old, I decided to participate in a few of the attractions. So, I climbed up the biggest slide using the foot bumps, and hand tethers, hawled my butt over the top of the slide, and then raced one of my kids down to the bottom of the slide. I almost had an asthma attack.. I followed that up with a trip into the bounce crocodile. This involved climbing up the foot bumps on the crocodile's inclined tongue, squeezing through a slit in the crocodile's throat ( think of reversing the birth process going into a wind tunnel) I was afraid I was going to get stuck half in and half out. Then, you slide down into the crocodile's stomach, avoiding the scuba diver legs and the anchor that are jutting up from the bottom. When you finish with that, you push down a flap, and squeeze out of the crocodile's ass. I came out of the ass flap, and this little kid who was walking by looked at me like I was an alien. I don't think he expected to see a full grown woman climbing out of a crocodile's butt, and he is probably right this minute telling his therapist that he never wants to see it again...All that was Saturday afternoon and evening. I finally got to go to bed around 1. I was so very, very grateful.

Sunday: Woke up to a messy post-birthday party house. Didn't care. Did nothing until about four, when we packed up the kids and went to the lake. Stayed there for maybe two hours, went home and cleaned house while Mr. Confusia took the other two kids back to their mom...climbed in bed and re-read some Harry Potter. That was just about my favorite part of this weekend. God Bless Harry and the pure escapism that Hogwarts provides for me.

The End.

Ps On a plus side, Mr. Confusia went to the doctor, is taking a very low dosage anti-depressant now, and has been a dream husband ever since. I am SO relieved, and SO happy for him. I really hope that he continues with it (and he will if I have to crush it and sprinkle it in his food! ha ha) because he seems so much better! He woke up smiling, happy, and flirtatious this morning. He's laughed and smiled more in the past two days than he has for the past two or three months. I have been amazed. I'm sad that it had to take a Friday night for it to happen, but at least it happened! Love, Confusia.