Could you give me the name of a good doctor?

Because I have GOT to get this freak magnet taken out of my back!

So sadly, this is how it all began. About a year and a half ago, I met a guy when I was on vacation. He and I started a remote access email/phone/text relationship. Turns out that when you are in such a situation, anything can and likely WILL happen. So it dawned on me one day that I should send Confusia an email and share my suspicions about this guy. From there, the madness unfurled.

Here's the email that started it all. Read on...

Confusia,

Well, so that you can take comfort in knowing that my life is a weird train wreck, let me tell you a little story. Oh and for the record, it is all so bizarre that I think it'd be an excellent premise for our next novel. Sadly, it's not fiction; it's my life RIGHT NOW!

OK, so you know somewhat about Atlas (not his REAL name), right? Well, turns out that I might not know as much about him as I thought I did. None of what you are about to hear is going to be helped by how much of a conpiracy theorist I am, but still....here goes (and forgive me if I ramble and have to cut back and forth between stories and junk, ok? Ask clarification questions as needed.)

OK, for about 3 months I have really begun to doubt a lot of things that Atlas has told me. None of it was really big stuff, but it was all just enough to make me constantly raise an eyebrow. Granted, I'd dismiss it just as suddenly, but you get my point, yes? Here are a few examples of what I'm talking about.

(1) Back in October he was (allegedly) in Las Vegas. He had texted me several times while he was there. Well, I asked him if he'd place a bet on the Jets (to beat the Bills if memory serves correctly, and it does). So he placed the bet. The Jets lost, so I told him I'd send him the $20 if he'd give me his address. Well, he told me that I didn't have to give him the $20. It was no big deal. I didn't need to mail him money, blah, blah, blah. So for some reason something about that alerted me. I'm not sure why but we'll just say it called to my women's intuition. I, of course let it go (to a degree).

(2) I would guess back in December, he and I were talking about funny New Orleans stories and whatnot. Anyway, I was trying to remember something that had happened at a grocery store but I couldn't remember which store it was, so I asked, "What are some of the grocery stores in New Orleans?" So he says, "Let's see, we have Minyards here, and Piggly Wiggly. Oh and wasn't that new Whole Foods opened when you were here?" OK, so that might not be verbatum, but I CLEARLY remember him saying "here" during that spill twice. So, of course it makes me think, "Wait a minute isn't he in San Diego?" Well, of course I don't say anything. I just file it away. You know, I still call Mesquite home and might trip up on something like that even though I CLEARLY live in Austin.

(3) So, as I told you, Michelle and Atlas had become pretty friendly and junk so she told me that she had responded to some email he wrote her by saying something about how she and I should plan a trip to San Diego and visit him. Well, I never read the emails or the responses, but she said that he had been totally elusive about talking about it at all. Anyway, what's odd is that she got the feeling that he was hiding something, like maybe he didn't live in San Diego. Well, I hadn't mentioned any of my doubts to her at the time. So, I told her I'd been thinking the same thing and so my conspiracy theory was born.

(4) OK, so this is a GOOD ONE! Remember I was telling you the other day about my mythology class? Well, I was also emailing him about it. He'd asked me what all I'd have to do to develop the curriculum and junk like that. Well, I started to get the feeling that he might be a little intimidated or emasculated by the idea that I would be, well smart and capable. So, I check my email the next day and I have this email from him that says he had to write a paper for a presentation he's doing. Anyway, he sends me the abstract. Well, dude, this just in: I'm a teacher. What's the first thing I did???? You guessed it. I put the first paragraph in the Google search engine and found the paper. Incidentally, it was written by some doctor in Maryland. Interesting, no?

(5) So, yesterday, I thought I'd go do a little fishing. I sent him a text and told him I had talked to a friend of mine from when I lived L.A. who was now living in San Diego. Being the brilliant liar I am, I went on to tell him that her husband works in some capacity with accounts for UCSD Medical Center (the medical center he allegedly works for). So, I asked him if he could tell me which hospital he worked for because she thought she might find out if they had run into each other. Well, he was so reluctant to answer that question. He asked me to explain the situation to him again and again. And then even after he "understood" what I was asking he still just said, "Oh I doubt he knows me." Finally (maybe in the amount of time it took him to look up UCSDMC on the internet), he gave me some story about how he is employed through Thorton Hospital but that isn't necessairly his base. You get where I'm going, right?

So, just all of this stuff starts adding up, right? And turns out I'm NOT stupid. So, I decide to do a little detective work. Just so happens that Michelle has a friend who is a paralegal who does background checks. I'm waiting for the results. In the meantime, I have looked him up at the California Medical Board and the Louisiana Medical Board, no sign of him. So, I did the only thing I could do. I called UCSDMC and asked if he works there. They have no doctor by that name on record. SHOCKING!

Wow, huh?

Terpischore