Professional Development for Dummies

Confusia responds in Obnoxious (and bold ) Orange


Sorry I wasn't in touch yesterday, but we had professional development, and therefore, I didn't have near the amount of time that I usually do to jabberjaw (via online typing) with you. Jabberjaw. That's a fun word. Say it out loud a few times. I guarantee it'll make you smile.
So speaking of yesterday, I must tell you about what my OCD (RIP, Rainman) caused me to do. There is, however, some build up to it in order for you to get the full story. Two weeks ago today, I started a new leg workout at the gym. My leg workout is called "Racing the kids up to the cookie jar for the last cookie."Well, by about 10 that morning, I had developed bruises on my shoulders from where the pressure from the bar had been too much for me. As luck would have it, Atlas just happened to send me a "So, how have you been" text that morning. Well being as he is a little into working out (Loved the 'roids poster from yesterday btw) and fancies himself a doctor, I thought I'd ask him how he thought I might prevent future bruising. (And yes, I'm aware that not using that particular machine would be the best bet, but that workout was OH SO GOOD!) In the words of our dear, little student, "You ain't right."
Anyway, Atlas informs me that he thinks I might bruise too easily Remember when you bruised your hand by clapping too hard? Meanwhile, I have to cut off my own head to get a bruise. and asked if I'd ever had my platelet count checked. Of course I haven't had my platelet count checked, so I immediately decide (thanks for the OCD, God) that I have low platelet count and start researching on the Web ALL the signs, symptoms, and causes of low platelet counts.This is why we're friends. I went to bed last night, and was disturbed by the sound of the gale force winds blowing outside. I immediately began to plan for a full-scale evacuation in the event of a Level 5 Tornado. I was only able to fall asleep after deciding that I would put a chain in the crawl space so that I could chain the children to the cement blocks in order to anchor them to the ground while the house got sucked up into the funnel cloud. If there had been a tornado last night, we all would have been screwed simply because there was not yet a chain in place. Last night, the plan would have been for me to stick all the kids underneath me, while I held firmly to the concrete blocks. Why am I this neurotic? I take medicine for this shit. So immediately I find that I have EVERY possible symptom of low platelet count, now I must determine why my platelet count is low (this is a random thought...maybe I should start a band called Counting Platelets???) Anyway, some possible reasons for low counts include: leukemia, vitamin B12 deficiency, and HIV (among other things I'm sure.) Anyway, so of course I immediately decide that I have HIV. I have, at various times, diagnosed myself with cancer, pleurisy, blood clots, HIV, AND leprosy. Not to mention the infamous Ass Polyps. Confusia and the Ass Polyps will be the name of my new band.By the end of that day, I'm worked up into such a state of hysteria that I am trying to find an HIV support group and group home I can move into. I'm looking into HMO privacy laws to determine whether or not I'll be fired for having HIV, etc. (You get the picture, and if you don't, imagine me thinking I'm pregnant but on steroids...) But then I find myself in this weird predicament: unlike the pregnancy fears that make me take pregnancy tests on a bi-weekly basis [even during times of celibacy], I'm afriad to take an HIV test because I honestly don't know what I'll do if it turns out positive. So, for two weeks I haven't been able to sleep well, I've spent hours researching HIV and low platelet counts, etc. I have been a wreck. So, finally, yesterday I went to the local Planned Parenthood and just had the WHOLE battery of STD screenings done. You naughty little tramp, you. ha ha I even paid the extra $15 to get the Rapid HIV Screening done so that I could know before I left the clinic. Meanwhile, as I'm waiting for the HIV test results, I decided that if I didn't have HIV I would donate an additional $100 to Planned Parenthood for making me the happiest I've ever been in my entire life. So, thankfully, I walked out with $100 less dollars in my pocket, but damn if I've ever been happier. So there you have my eventful Monday. Now, this is just an idea, but maybe you should check out the less dramatic, but more realistic probability that you are Vitamin B12 deficient. May I recommend a large, healthy dose of spinach for fixing this problem? Funny you should mention that, I actually did toy around with the Vitamin B12 thing and this is what I found out: The only reliable unfortified sources of vitamin B12 are meat, dairy products and eggs. So being a vegan, of course this is my problem. However, a Vitamin B12 deficiency wasn't going to cause me to lose sleep. Therefore, it was easily dismissed. However, your spinach suggestion won't work. B12 only comes naturally from animal products. I guess I need to figure out how to deal with that. However, I am reminded now of something I saw in Yahoo! 60 Minutes Report.
Turns out that some people (sociologist I would guess) did a study to find the happiest people in the world. Turns out that those people are the fine residents of Denmark. Anyway, they were interviewing these Danes. When asked, "Are Danes the happiest people on Earth?" one of the guys answered, "We might not be the happiest people on Earth, but we are the most content." So the interviewer asked him to elaborate on that and basically what the guy said was that the Danish people always expect the worst, that way if they fail or if something awful happens to them, it isn't shocking. You know, I do this, too, but with me, instead of causing contentedness, it causes anxiety disorder. What's up with that?? On the other side of that, if something great happens they weren't expecting it and so they are extremely happy about it. Perhaps this is where I differ from the Danes. I just think, "Oh my God, how long will this last? Will this last? What if it doesn't last? What should I do when the crazy gunman bursts in here and takes all this greatness away?? Dear Lord, I think I found my people! That's pretty much how I felt about my HIV test yesterday. I was expecting the worst possible results and when I didn't get them, I was elated. I was giddy with glee!
So, that's all I have for you. Actually, that's not true. I was thinking today, when I was reading your last post, that I think that even the font on our posts says something about our personalities. You always seem to type in bold and tend to throw in lots of colors. I, on the other hand, tend to use regular type and one color. I'm not saying you're loud and abbrasive or anything, but... I do think this is an interesting little tidbit. I'm such a weirdo about words. More neurotic tendencies perhaps. When I feel like highlighting a word, I think, "Does this word seem more like a blue word or a red word? Is it a pink word?" The bold isn't so much because I'm loud and abrasive, as it is because I'm nearsighted as a damn bat, and I can read the bold print better. ha ha Bifocals, anyone??
:)
-Terps



Oh and, I was looking at the Busted Tees site and saw a shirt that made me think of you.

I imagine this will be how I do end up. Strangely, I can also imagine it being while traveling the country in a covered wagon. -Confusia