Another Day, Another Fifty Cents. (And the coffee and Valium cost WAY more than that!)

Dear Stepford Wife,

Bonjour, mon amie! I have been in a training ALL morning about something that I really don't think pertains to me as I will most likely not be doing this particular job next year, but alas... Anyway, I apologize for my delay in writing back. And so much to say!!!!

Good morning...
Hope all is well with you. Of course it is NOT, but so sweet of you to ask. I've already kicked one kid out of my class this morning. Don't miss him, either. Come on, Confusia, you know you love the disrespectful little fuckers. That's why you married one. (More on that later, see below.) You know it's going to be a good day when...
I have to tell you about something that is just so ridiculous. It's driving me up the wall and probably into an early grave. I realize that it's not exciting e-mails from little Don Juans' (and by exciting I can only assume you mean repulsive?!?!?), but it's my life...
Mr. Confusia (I really think we should have his name changed. Maybe Mr. Confusion?) has decided to waver back and forth over whether he wants to divorce or not...This means that every day, I hear, "Well, I just don't know what I want to do. I'm not thrilled about going. I'm not thrilled about staying." Wait, now are you asking him this? Or does he just bring it into the daily conversations? "Hey sweetie, we're out of toilet paper and laundry detergent. Oh and I'm not thrilled about going. I'm not thrilled about staying." This is what I think his problem is, he has to be thrilled! That isn't REAL life. Reality isn't a series of really phenomenal things that happen so fast you can't keep you head on straight. It is, rather, a series of really mundane and tiring crap that you must deal with in order to get along in the big, bad world. Oy vey! I can't even think about that anymore. It makes me crazed. GREAT!
You know what, I'm not thrilled about either one of those things, either, but you don't see me whining endlessly about it. Either stay or go. In the meantime, he'll say things like, "Don't worry. Everything's going to be fine." Just shut the fuck up. That would make me feel a whole lot better...I love him I'm going to say this one time and then never again. Please don't be mad at me for saying it (and of course, it's easy for me to say it because Mr. Confusion hates me, but...) I love vodka too. I really love it, but that doesn't make it good for me., but really, just shut up until you figure it out. What am I supposed to do, anyway? It's not like I'm an objective counselor. "Well, Honey, what kind of plan do you have if you leave me and the kids? Do you feel you have a safety net in place if you make that decision?" I mean, WTF??? I'm just supposed to hang out in limbo till he decides. Only if you choose to stay out there in limbo. Maybe it's time to tell him to shit or get off the pot. Because, I PROMISE you that as long as you let him ride the fence, he will. If you allow him to keep doing this "should I stay or should I go" bullshit song and dance, he will do it. He has no reason to stop doing it, because he's been allowed to do it. It's kind of like parents that let kids run the show can't be shocked when kids don't mind. And by that I DO NOT mean that you deserve it, but I do mean that you have to DEMAND that he stop doing it. And I've said this before, I know it's easier for me, on this side of it, to say all that, but psychologically and behaviorally, it's scientifically true. This whole situation is more stupid than just about anything I've ever seen, and if it goes on much longer, I'll be pulling some crazy Britney Spears type shit because I will have lost my mind! (I'd like to put my vote in for avoiding the twat shots and maybe just sticking with the head shaving...)Sincerely, Stepford Wife, Purgatory, US

PS My favorite idea is the one where we stay married, but have separate housing. This translates loosely as, "How 'bout you do all the work, and take all the responsibility, and I come over for a Booty Call when I'm in the mood." Yeah. Because I'm that big a fool. This is just insane idiocy. Wowzers...I don't know what else to say.

It probably isn't all that helpful. I know you've thought all this before, but it's all I've got for you. For what it's worth, I've more stupid and irritating shit from the Atlas front, but that will have to wait for a bit. Maybe he and Mr. Confusion should go out for drinks??? Another round of Jagermeister for me and my friends???