BTW, after Atlas told me all about the patient he saw in the ER that asked him out to dinner (really? is there no end to this lunacy?) I considered forwarding this next one to him just to see what he thought of it. Anyhoo....
Confusia edits: 2/7/08
Okay, so I almost feel bad about this...almost. At first, he comes across pretty decently. Then it all goes downhill. I can almost hear "Your Body is a Wonderland" playing....(shudder)
rob g wrote:
I can honestly say I've never met anyone who wears cynicism so well. Despite what you might think, I'm not out to notch my bedpost.And yet, at no time during this e-mail does he mention wanting to grow old with you, sit by the fireplace and read, or even have a nice game of table tennis. I'm 36 and I've been with 6 my entire life and only one in the last year. That doesn't necessarily mean you're chaste..It could just be lack of opportunity. Take it from me. :)I'm not a slut. I may bark a lot, but I'm more like the little dogs that stay on the porch. This is supposed to make him desirable? Probably a good thing he has his own shop. I'd hate to see this guy in a job interview.I'm a totally different person away from the shop. I'm old, too old to be doing the street shop thing. I don't have it in me to perform for the customers anymore. Would he consider you a customer? Ha Ha I just want to take it easy and have others make my money for me. I've cut my hours so I can do the cub scout thing with my son. I got nothing here. Cub Scouts is just too wholesome to be cynical about. Yeah, I'm pretty fuckin dangerous...stay away... you might get bored to death! Again with the hard sell...Here it is: I think you're beautiful, I think you're sexy, I like you as a person, and would love to get naked and roll around in bed with you. I hate the visual I have now.I think we'd have a great time together. When he's not boring you to death.It's all out in the open(not like I ever tried to hide it) I WANT TO SLEEP WITH YOU! But you're not just a notch in his bedpost. I want to kiss, nibble and suck on parts of you that no one ever sees. Gross. I want feel your legs wrapped around my waist while I feel the tightening of your neck muscles with my lips. See, here's the problem I've got with this. Knowing that he's five feet tall, and you're five ten, I have alot of difficulty trying to figure out how this one would work. I mean, for you to wrap your legs around his waist, you'd have to be able to put your legs almost behind your ears...It brings to mind images of a chihuaha trying to mate with a Great Dane...The dimensions just don't add up...I want to feel you pull me in as I come up for air. Blurgh.I want to feel the slight quivers of you body as you reach the height of nausea.the end of an orgasm and I want to see a girlish smile come over you well after we're done. He's trying to romanticize this whole thing, which is just really irritating. If you're gonna write a dirty e-mail, then write it, but don't try to make it be something it's not...Either get down and dirty with it, or whisper sweet nothings...The two don't go together...Especially not in unsolicited dirty e-mails from guys you've never gone out with, have refused to go out with, and have not encouraged in any way, shape or form. I work late hours, my son only spends Tuesday and Wednesday nights with me, but I live alone and I have all day off on Sundays.what do ya think...wanna give it a shot? Of Jack Daniels with a Roofie Chaser?
When I started to read this one through, I thought, "I can't say anything about this e-mail. I can't stomp on someone's crush like that, you know?" But the more I think of it, the more it just comes across as a bunch of crap. He's trying to say one thing, while asking for another. "Hey, I'm a nice guy...let's go F***". It's just whack. I think the end result is just dishonesty, thus I have no problem mocking it. It does make me wish I'd saved some of the e-mails I used to get from online "chew toys" in the past, though. Now, that was some writin'! ha ha
I'm actually a little embarrassed for him on this one. Wow, there's so much to work with here.
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