Happy Fucking Friday.

Dear Terps,

This morning, we had a little to-do out on the playground which has ended in a "mass suspension". 24 kids suspended for three days. 2 kids going to alternative school...All due to gang related crap. What the hell.

Also, I'm going to have to vent about the VP debate for just a second. What the hell is wrong with Palin??? Is it me? Did you watch the debate? Here are a few of my thoughts on it:
A. What in the name of God does she think she's competing for? She was WINKING at the cameras. Really??? Winking at the cameras at a Vice presidential debate??? I was floored.
B. The shout-out to the third graders...What the hell??? "Hey, Yo Man, I just wanna give a shout-out to my homies watchin' this thang up in AK, you know what I'm sayin"?" Since when do potential VP's do shout-outs???
C. Three words...Nook-U-Ler.
D. At first, I was like, "Well, she actually seems a bit likeable." Then I remembered that she shoots animals from the air, that she fires people who disagree with her, that she thinks banning books is acceptable, and that she's a totally vicious, ambitious, so-called "barracuda, pitbull with lipstick" who is probably already looking for a way to slip poison to McCain, and I didn't think she was so likeable anymore.

BLURRRGGGHH.
She makes me want to hurl. Seriously.
On the other hand, I heart Joe Biden. I was struck by that moment when he began talking about his family and teared up. His sincerity all night made Palin's artificiality that much more glaring.

Okay. I'm done. Tell me again when our Beastlie Girl Reunion Tour is again because I need a fucking Rum and Coke. Oh yeah, and "I'll Want to Make That a Double"!

BEASTLIE GIRLS: You'll Want to Make That A Double 2008!!!

Dear Confusia,

I refuse to discuss the presidential election and in particular Palin because she makes my blood pressure rise. I have never found anything even remotely likeable about her. I find her deplorable in all possible ways. But , I'm not going to do that to myself. Not on Friday; not at 1:30 in the afternoon.

As for the reunion tour, I will be in town the weekend of the anniversary of my birth, so I'll be there November 14-16. I am going to a basketball game on that Friday, so Saturday would probably be the best date for the performance. Of course, our third member and I had a bit of a confrontation last night so I can't say with 100% conviction that she'll be going with me. I would tell you all the gory details of that, but it is a long, complicated, 14 months in the making story, and my vertigo is too bad for me to try to get into that now. That and the fact that I really should be teaching these 24 child bodies in the room. I just can't seem to get motivated today. I should work on that, being as how my day will last another 14+ hours. UGH!!!

How's the other situation?

Love ya,
Terps

Little Things That Keep Me Going

Dearest Confusia,

I'm really glad to hear about your dry erase board. I too got dry erase boards this year. I find that exciting because although I had chalk boards last year, they didn't erase worth a crap and I found that incredibly annoying. Plus everyone knows that the high you get from smelling dry erase markers is WAY better than chalk.

So, how was your weekend? Mine was ok. Not long enough (of course) and not restful enough, but I did wipe out the pockets of several people playing poker last night so I have no complaints.

Shoud we practice for the reunion tour?

Terps
Dear Terps,
I do like the dry erase markers, but I find myself coming up with excuses to use my Sharpie "Magnum". We're talking about an inch thick marker filled with Sharpie fumes...Plus, the word "Magnum"...Not quite as good as "Moist Towellette", but still pretty intoxicating. (Pun intended)
My weekend was ordered up by Satan himself. Destruction, heartache, night at my mom's house. I kept looking up at the skies expecting to see the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse bearing down on me. I have no doubt that all four of those flaming horses would have taken a crap on my head as they passed. Sweet.

Absolute Genuis

Dear Confusia,

I'm not one to compliment myself, (in fact, some would say that I'm one to tear myself down) but I must tell you that my new plan for teaching this year is brilliant.

I have found that if I give the girls assignments and then have them teach the rest of the class what they've learned, I am absoluetly unnecessary in the whole education process. For instance, these are my lesson plans for today:
Mythology: the girls are researching the Greek goddesses and then they will perform "Oprahesque Interviews" to teach about each other about the goddesses.
Shakespeare: the girls have read short story versions of select plays. Now they are working on creating plays to teach the rest of the class these stories.
Leadership: the girls will have a guest speaker from a local abused women's law advocacy group come speak to them about service learning opportunities.
What is my role in all of this? I pretend to watch them and write in the blog.
Tell me, what do you think?

Terps
It is genius, yes. I'm going about things a little differently this year, too. Now that I have a white board, I can actually teach the In-House kids something. It's hard to do when you're drawing diagrams on post-it notes held up in the front of the classroom! ha ha
So I've been doing stuff about Shields. I have the old castle thing up again, but instead of knights, I'm teaching them about how to protect themselves from all the dangers that exist for them. Naturally, I designed a shield, too. Unfortunately, I couldn't be entirely honest about what I use to defend myself against the dangers of the world. Otherwise, the middle part of my shield would have been me propping my leg up on a treasure chest, while holding up for the camera a prescription bottle of Paxil! ha ha ha

I think that you should also be able to use the punishments and consequences of the feudal system as well. "You're not going to want to make Mistress C angry. I assure you of that!"

It Might Just Be Time

For us to start this up again? New school year, more blogging???

My Dear Terpsichore, I believe your'e absolutely right! I mean, what else are we going to do with our time while we're at work? Work? HA!

So, as you wrote to me in a separate e-mail earlier today, it's time for a Beastlie Girls Reunion Tour. Now, if I'm not mistaken, we have gone on the following tours:

The George W. Bush Sucks Tour 2000
It's Better With Cheddar Tour 2001 (or was this our album name?)

I propose that our first blog post this year should be:
Name the New Beastlie Girls Tour!
With that in mind, I present you with a few ideas. I have no doubt that you will respond with even more brilliant ideas! Here we go:
1. Beastlie Girls: Bigger, Better, Damper 2008
2. Beastlie Girls: The Moist Towellette Tour 2008
3. Beastlie Girls: What's Our Point? Tour 2008
4. Beastlie Girls: Just Shut Up and Buy Us A Drink Tour 2008

Anyhow, I'm going to come up with some better ones...Those are off the top of my head while I'm supervising kids. It's hard to think past, "Why couldn't I be on a beach somewhere with a Pina Colada instead?"
Much love, Confusia (aka The Queen Sex Rock)

My Fair Confusia,

Yes! I think that it is safe to say that the Beastlie Girls Reunion Tour is on like Donkey Kong. In fact, I'd like to suggest that as option 5.

5. Beastlie Girls: It's on Like Donkey Kong Tour 2008

Now, back to the good stuff. I'm sorry, I mean that crap that is my life. I am currently listening to a group of 11 year old girls try to write an adaptation of Hamlet. Really? I went to college for this? I'm sure good ol' Willy would be so proud... Oh, and I can't wait until the bell rings in 15 minutes so I can run to volleyball practice for two hours before I get to go to the hoity-toity fundraiser until 9:00 tonight. Yippee! Ok, let me throw out a few more tour titles before I log out.

6. Beastlie Girls: You'll Want to Make That a Double Tour 2008
7. Beastlie Girls: Does Anyone Have an Excedrin? Tour 2008
8. Beastlie Girls: Really? This Is My Life? Seriously? Tour 2008

Ok, I need to go pretend I care what the girls are doing.
Peace out!
Love ya,
Terps
Yes! I'm all about # 6 "You'll Want to Make That a Double Tour 2008"
Sweet! It's the perfect name! I'd say it describes the Beastlie Girl sound, and experience perfectly!
The Queen's in the house, what ya gonna do??? Go AWOLLLLLL!!!! ha ha ha

Everyone's Still Fully Dressed

Dear Confusia,

Just thought I'd take a moment to give you a brief update on my weird dating life.

I had a date with a third guy on Saturday. Here's the info: Mark, 35 yrs old, works in computer advertising and marketing, from Dallas. He and I went to lunch. He was a perfectly nice guy, and we had a great time. Here's the thing I can't seem to get my head around: Why haven't I met the creepy scumbags that everybody has warned me about? Kelli told me that when she did the online dating thing in L.A., it was a total nightmare. Maybe I've just been really lucky??? Anyway, he's leaving today for Costa Rica, lucky!!!

Updates on Jim and Xavier...Jim and I went to lunch yesterday (Indian food is oh so yummy!!!) We had a great time, though he did beat me at a game of darts, and as you know, I didn't handle that way. I swore I'd have my revenge. Anyway, it was a good time. He works during the weeks on site (he's a petroleum engineer) in Beaumont during the weeks so we might do something this upcoming weekend. As for Xavier, he and I went out again on Sunday night and we are meeting for dinner again tonight. I guess my ulterior goal is to gain a hundred pounds before school lets out.

Anyway, thus far, nothing creepy has happened. In fact, they have all been perfect gentlemen. It's pretty shocking actually.

Ok, I guess I should get back to work. When will it end????

Love ya,
Terps

Trying to Decide

Dear Confusia,

I'm trying to decide just how in-depth I should get when explaining the background on these two dates...

-Terps

Dear Terps,
I suggest full disclosure. :) How else will I be able to inject a full range of sarcastic humor when I respond? ha ha ha
Love, Confusia
PS I will write more later. I've had crazy week. In the meantime, see above.

Dear Confusia,

But it's all just so sordid. Ok, I'll try. So, we have a friend (she lives in the greater DFW area) who has a profile on a dating site. She has been nagging me over and over and over again to make a profile for myself. Well, I never did because the whole meeting someone online thing just seems so very bizarre to me. But even more bizarre to me was that she is CONSTANTLY meeting people and going out on dates and whatnot. So I started thinking, "Why is it that I never get asked out? Why is it that she has such a great social life and I seem like a social pariah?" So after she was telling me about some guy she was seeing I said something to her about how jealous of all her dates I was. She kind of ignored me at first but later in the conversation she asked me, "How do you find information to share with your kids in class?" So I told her that if I didn't have enough resources at school I just look on the Internet to get more information and blah blah blah. Then she asked, "If you are planning on going to some restaurant but you don't really know how to get there, how do you find out where it is?" And of course I said, "I look it up online." So finally she said, "Our lives are so busy that we rely on the Internet for everything. We get directions, phone numbers, we shop, right? So why not use the Internet to meet people?" So I kind of played around with that idea in my head and figured, why the hell not. So, I put together a very bare bones profile, and by the end of the first hour I had like 25 messages in my box. Now, for the most part the guys were gross or creepy or too unbelievably wonderful, but after all the rummaging, I managed to come across a few possibilities. We started emailing each other and before you know it I have a date with one guy on Monday night for disco/sushi/ karaoke (which was super fun) and one the next night for sushi (which must be a good first date) and drinks. Both of them were great, not creepy, total gentlemen, and I had a great time. I think that might be the exception and not the norm, but...

So, I was supposed to have another date tonight, but I ended up postponing because I'm just exhausted. I went out Monday and Tuesday, had my bowling league yesterday, and work tomorrow night. I decided that tonight would be overkill. However, he and I are going to lunch on Saturday, so we'll see.

Now for the low down on the first two guys.

Monday, Jim, 33 year old engineer. The date was super fun both because of the atmosphere and the guy. He was easy to talk to, but it was REALLY loud so we didn't get to know each other too well. He did, however, ask me if I would go out with him again sometime next week (his sister is visiting Austin this weekend) somewhere a little quieter where we could talk more. So, if he contacts me again, I'd likely go.

Tuesday, Xavier, 32 year old sex ed and family planning teacher. So, I should start this by saying that he is Puerto Rican and has curly hair. That was about all I needed, however, turns out that he and I got along really well. He is super easy to talk to and he and I have a lot in common. (He mentioned the Smiths and the Cure throughout the night.) The next morning he sent me a very sweet, gentlemanly email that any girl would love. He's supposed to call me tonight and I think we might be planning on meeting again on Sunday. There is something very articulate and intelligent-sounding about him that makes me think some people might find him slightly effeminate (like Julian Sands or Jude Law), but as he has curly dark brown hair, I'm able to look past it for now.

OK, I think that's it. Have a field day!

-Terps

Dear Terps,
That sounds really good, actually! I'm glad you're enjoying yourself a bit. I imagine those guys' eyes lit up when they saw you! "Cha-ching! JACKPOT!" I think it's entirely possible to meet someone good online. My sister Heidi met her now husband on e-harmony, you know.
I'm not exactly sure how my personal life is going right now. Mr. came home a month ago, he was taking his medicine and doing great. Things were going really well. A week ago, the med. stopped again, and it's getting difficult again. I'm observing, and I think, quietly and calmly going through a bit of a grieving process right now with the understanding that I'm going to have to make some changes. So bear with me if you can. I've also been having really tough times at work with the number of kids, the sorts of behavior, etc. Every day is a challenge. There are some good things, too, though. Last night, I was re-reading Jon Stewarts' AMerica, the book. LMAO...The part that struck me as particularly funny last night was when he lists the requirements to be President. "You have to have resided in the US for the previous fourteen years." Jon continues with something like, "Fourteen years...because fifteen is too long, and thirteen isn't enough. Thirteen?...please. Get fucking serious."
For some reason, that's been making me laugh all day today. "Thirteen? Get fucking serious."
ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha
Great. Here comes another little shit into my classroom. Yippee. I wonder what this one did.
Set fire to the playground? Spray paint the cafeteria? Knife the custodian??? ARRRRGGGHHHH!
Love, Confusia

You Might Wanna Brace Yourself

Dear Confusia,

Guess who had a date last night and has another one tonight...

Love,
Terps

Dear Terps,
Who with? Two dates in two nights??? What gives?
Love, Confusia

Oh, nobody that I've ever mentioned before, mostly because I haven't known either of them very long. Last night I went to this disco-sushi/karaoke saki bomb adventure with this guy named Jim. Initially when he asked me out, I wasn't really interested, but then I thought, "What the fuck else do I have going on Monday night?" So I went and had a surprisingly good time. The guy I'm going out with tonight, Xavier, seems like someone I'm initially more attracted to, but that's usually the kiss of death, so who knows. (He does have curly hair though, and I might just be willing to put up with anything for that.) So the weird thing is that I have been a complete and total wreck both days. Like I said, I'm not particularly invested in either of them, but this whole "going out on a date" thing REALLY does a numer on me. I start focusing on everything that might go wrong, every flaw I have (and focusing on that is a full time job), etc. Anyway, I'm off to get a haircut. I'll give you the details tomorrow!
Love ya,
Terps