Strange Things Were Afoot...

Hey Terps,
Sorry I'm just getting around to this today. I've been a bit lazy. What are you going to teach next year? I hadn't realized you were changing jobs. Did you see the baseball player this weekend?
My weekend was half alright, and half not. I decided that the weather was too risky to take the baby camping Friday night, which turned out to be a good thing, as I was called up to be a delegate to the County Democratic Convention. Saturday morning, I woke up earlier than the roosters, met with the other delegates from our precinct, and followed them out to the Texas Gaylord Hotel. Fortunately, I only had one child with me. Unfortunately, it was the baby who I had to stroll and carry for HOURS that day. But she was great for the most part, and my fellow delegates were very helpful.
Can I say how INCREDIBLE the Gaylord hotel is? I totally wanted to just check in and stay there. It's beautiful. Bars, restaurants, the Alamo, a riverwalk, spa, indoor and outdoor pools, a vineyard. Now, I really want to go there on a date night, or a weekend getaway. Nice.
Anyhow, when we got to the hotel, we had to get in line to register. Now, I was a volunteer at the county convention in '04, and people were just walking in, signing up, and moving on. There were maybe a thousand delegates there. This year, they had to split the county up into three different conventions, and there were still 3,000 delegates at the one I attended. UNBELIEVABLE! We waited in line for about two hours to reach the registration table. Then, we had to wait several hours while 87 precinct challenges were settled. Finally, the convention started. It took about two hours more, and we were able to leave. I liked it alot. Everyone was very civil to each other, Obama and Clinton supporters alike. There were no problems, and that made me glad.
After the convention, I got a call from Mr. confusia asking me if I wanted to join him at the lake for a camp-out. As it hadn't rained, I agreed. We ended up sleeping in the Suburban, and it was not what I'd call comfortable. We should have taken the air mattress, at least. I'm such a wuss these days. My hips hurt so bad if they don't have any cushioning under them. I'm getting old.
The good part is that at least I wasn't on the rag after all, and the Mirena appears to be working correctly at long last. Last night was the worst night of the weekend. Mr. Confusia once again told me he was checking into a motel for some reason. He waited all day, and then he finally left.
I cried for about ten minutes, and then I just thought, "Fuck it. If he comes back, he does. If he doesn't, oh well. I'm tired of this." I stopped crying, picked up a book, and was reading when I heard a knock on the window. He'd come back, and was asking me to unlock the door for him. He began telling me that when he got down the road, he just didn't feel right about his decision, but he still doesn't know what he's going to do. I'm proud of myself, because I didn't take responsibility for it for a change. I told him, "Look, I'm just going to be honest with you here. Unless your attitude changes, nothing here will get any better." He said, "So, you think it's not working mainly because of me?" I said, "Yes. Basically, I think your attitude is the biggest problem we have. You don't want to help with anything. You either tell me what to do, or tell me what I'm doing wrong. You don't actually ACT. You just talk. For the past month, you've been gone every evening fishing. The kids will be in bed when you get home, and I'll be in a decent mood which means that the kids haven't given me a bad time, and you'll STILL act like you put up with alot of drama, and everything. Dude, you haven't even been here, so what would you know about the kids' behavior anyway?"
Blah, blah, blah. Anyway, I told him what he needed to hear, and if he stays, then he needs to get his act together. If he goes, well, I may cry for ten minutes, but I think soon after that, I'll go the way of our buddy Regan, and refer to him as my "starter husband".
Cheers, Confusia

If only the weather sucked more...

Bonjour mon amie!

Of course today is a Monday. What more would you expect with dreary weather, my period starting two weeks early, and me feel lethargic and ill-tempered? I can't wait until this afternoon's faculty meeting, because really, who CAN get enough of that???

Enough of my bitching...how was your weekend? Did the camping turn out ok? Do you have any fun and zany stories to share? I would tell you all about my weekend, but I'd hate for you to get all jealous of me doing laundry and working all weekend, so I shall keep that to myself.

I can already tell that this is one of those weeks that won't end soon enough. I have something school realted to do every afternoon except Friday, and of course Friday I have to go work my other job, so... Anyway, I'm in the process of interviewing special education teachers to take over for me next year as I will be changing job assignments. Let me tell you the state of mind that puts me in. I have a difficult time being all excited about finishing out this school year as I know that I have to start doing a million things to prepare for next school year. Does that make me lazy. Probably. Eh, oh well.

So, I was just on Swouthwest Airlines' website looking at flight prices. I can get there and back for $117 and I have a $50 voucher, so I might plan a trip that way around mid-April. The thing is I don't wanna drive, but that means I won't have a car when I get there. Hhhhmmm, I don't know about that afterall. Either way, I'll keep you posted.

Ok. I'm off to explore the fascinating world of 6th grade social studies.
Love ya,
Terps

Irritable, Grumpy, Pissed Off...Just Another Day for Confusia

Dear Terps, Dear Confusia, Dear Terps,

Today, I am in a foul mood. Here are the reasons...

A. For about a week now, I've been freaking out because my monthly friend is overdue. Now, here's the thing: I have the Mirena thing which can make you not have a monthly friend at all, but has not affected me that way before this. In fact, it usually makes it much worse. This month, though, nothing. So, naturally, knowing how skilled I am at getting pregnant, I'm freaking out. I've done two pregnancy tests so far, and they're both negative. (Whew...) When I went into the store to buy them (wait...you had to go to the store and buy them? You don't just have a three pack in the cabinet under your sink? If you lived closer to me, I could have given you enough for one a day until you either a. believed you weren't pregnant or b. went to Planned Parenthood and had them do one there to assure you)Next time, I'll just come over to your house, and we'll have a pregnancy test part-AY, the pharmacist said, "So, are you nervous?" Is the Pope Catholic? I said, "Yeah. I've got a six month old at home already." Anyway, yippee! They turned out negative, which is great, but I'm thinking today may be the day old Aunt Flo comes for a visit....JUST as I'm supposed to go on a camping trip this weekend. Rock on. (I bet the S'Mores will taste really good!)and the two AM uphill walks to the bathroom in the rain even better. Bring it on.

B. Confusia Jr. had her hopes up earlier this week that this kid she was "going out with" earlier this year would go out with her again. Yesterday, when she asked him about it, he said, "No, Man." and walked away from her. So she had her heart broken...and is taking it out on all the rest of us. Good times. I'm at the point where I'm about to go find this kid, and tell him that he IS going to go out with her, and I don't give a damn what he thinks about it..ha ha (Oh God! I never even thought about how awful it must be to think about that shit not only at work but at home too. I feel for you!)You have no idea how sorry for myself I feel about this...surrounded by 6th graders 24-effing 7. I was a really, really bad girl in a past life.

C. Just a bunch of general pet peeves really bothering me lately.

1. Housework...what the hell? Does it ever just stay done??? (Perhaps you could laminate everything in your house and then just hose it off once a week???)Why didn't I think of this myself? Pure genius.

2. It seems I'm developing a flabby neck. I look in the mirror, and I see a turkey. This is a

sign of aging that is just NOT okay. Do you know of any exercises for your chin and neck? (You've seen my chin, right? I do not think you want to be getting advice about chins from anyone with one that looks like it's on steroids!)

What are you supposed to do about this? Send your neck jogging??? Why, Gravity?

WHY? What the fuck did I ever do to you???

3. This cold that won't go away. Cough, sneeze, dribble... (AT least it's just a cold. If it were me I would have decided that it's full-blown AIDS.)Didn't your roommate have this at one point? ha ha

4. Work. Not really a pet peeve, but grates on me like one. (More a necessary evil I'd say.)

I don't know what I'm going to do about all this. I would just decide to get drunk, but then I think, "All the calories from the liquor is going to make my flabby neck worse!" (But once you start drinking, you forget that you care!!!) So I don't even have that to ease my troubles. Shopping? Why? So I can get more depressed by trying to determine which is flabbier...my ass or my neck? Plastic Surgery? I've already visited a web site or two, but they're too expensive. I'm going to have to go with Plan A and perfect my At-Home

Plastic Surgery techniques. Hello, filet knife and vacuum attachment. (I remember once being in my RAV4 driving down some street in New Orleans talking about if we were on Extreme Makeover all the shit would have done. Do you remember that? Dammit! Why'd they take that show off the air???)I've been daydreaming about this show, let me assure you. I'll let you know how it goes.

Well, since I know that irritable, grumpy, pissed off misery loves company, please know that I too am having a shitty day. Usually, most people LOVE Fridays. In fact, many of those people will leave work at 5:00 to go enjoy Happy Hour somewhere. Once they get to their destination, they will find that their server is a bitchy, cranky, tired, irritable, grumpy, tired OLD hag who would just as soon drink gasoline as serve them. In other words, I have to be at work at 4:15 today. And I can't even take the opportunity to get drunk while there because I have to be back here tomorrow morning. CRAP! Screw it and get drunk anyway. If you show up at school job on Saturday smelling like a brewery and acting a little odd, maybe they won't expect you to show up on a frikkin' Saturday again. What's their problem??

Love, Confusia the Grouch

Love, Terpsichore

Love, Confusia

Take Me Out to the Ballgame..wink, wink

Dear Terps,
I think you were absent from work yesterday. Is there a reason for that? And by reason, I mean one who plays baseball and is in his twenties??? :)
Love, Confusia

Dear Confusia,

Me absent? I wish. Trust me, I was here. I was here every long minute of the day. I may have had a little batting practice the night before, but I still got my ass up at 5:00, went to the gym, and then ended up here. In fact, I sent you an email on your regular email about the website I accidentally found: http://www.booksurge.com/. Did you not get that? Not only was I here yesterday, the two days before that, and today, but I will also be here tomorrow AND Saturday as we have New Student Orientation all day Saturday. I'm sure I'll be in fine form too, as I have to work both jobs tomorrow. YIPPEE!
As for my homerun Tuesday night (the baseball references are endless, aren't they???) I was telling Michelle that now I'm sort of in a weird spot because I'm one of those once I've had it, I don't need it again for awhile types. I'm not sure about that working for him though. Thank goodness I'm busy almost every minute of everyday.
How are things going for you? Is it just me or does this seem like the longest week ever?
Love ya,
Terps

No, it's not you. It's a long week, but really, it could feel longer. I did get the e-mail about Book Surge. I'm looking it over amidst all the other fun stuff I'm doing today.
Well, I'm glad you got to have a bit of fun. You work so hard all the time, it's about time you got to play ball, so to speak. As it happens, I also got up to bat this week. This may be the first time in our history that we've both done so in the same week. It makes me feel like we both just stole home, y'know?
So guess how many baby bunnies Mr. Confusia brought home from work with him Tuesday night. If you guessed four, you're correct. I mean, I know it was Easter last Sunday, but do we have to celebrate it like this??? Guess how many of them have escaped from their captivity causing us to search all over the house for them. If you guessed three, you're correct. Granted, we think it's the same one getting out over and over again, but little Houdini needs to be careful. Apparently, our large cat has escaped his notice, but he has NOT escaped hers. They are really cute, though. Especially when they're all snuggled down together in their Timothy Hay. I warned Mr. Confusia that in a few months, it could become problematic. Guess why?
HEY BATTER, BATTER, BATTER!!! SWING BATTER!
-Confusia
I would like to amend the number of times bunnies have escaped. The total is now 6. I needed this like I needed that stomach virus.-Confusia

Yes, Could You Make Mine a Double? Oh And With Diet Tonic, Please.

Dear Confusia,

I have to agree with you that the drinking certainly helps. In fact, I will say (and probably do) things when I have been drinking that embarrass me when they come creeping back into my memory bank later. ARGH! But dance naked? I don't think so. Remember that I'm the girl who hopes she'll get to keep her shirt on (and maybe skirt if I'm lucky). Granted, just because I may have the "fucking hot stripper moves" (according to my one-woman lesbian fan club), some things are better dressed.

So I guess tomorrow I may or may not have some details for you. He really wants to come by tonight so I told him that would be fine. However, he doesn't leave work until 8:00 (damn baseball practice) and I'll likely chicken out WAY before that. In fact, through out today I have been trying to come up with good excuses as to why I have to postpone. Any suggestions? It doesn't help my situation that I'm usually headed to bed by 9:30 as I wake up pre-ass crack of dawn. Maybe needing to get some sleep can be my excuse???

How was your first day back in Hell?

Love ya,
Terps

You had to tell me about the 8 weeks until next break thing, didn't you? I counted the weeks up, and you're right, dammit! Today hasn't totally sucked, but it hasn't been a day at the beach drinking fruity cocktails, either.
Don't chicken out of this thing. I can't do scandalous shit anymore, so it's all on you. What are we going to do if we're BOTH boring?? Come on, Terps, do it...all the cool kids are...I bet you'll get to sit with the popular kids if you do it...
Really, I think you want to do it, but you're trying to talk yourself out of it. Live a little. The greatest part of life can be just digging into the buffet, you know? If you don't want to, that's one thing, but I think you do...
Also, why not dance naked? No one is going to see you. Yes, it feels weird initially, but if you keep at it long enough, I think it could really help you. I mean, I'm no Dr. Phil or anything, but...

That's What Liquor Is For...

Dear Terps,
I have a few ideas that might help alleviate your concerns.
A. Blindfold him. This will force his other senses to come alive! How exciting!
B. Turn off all the lights. Works the same as the blindfold. Now, the drawback with these is that, as we all have been told a million times, men are very visual. However, it seems to me that as long as they're getting some, they shouldn't ask too many questions like, "Why can't I see you?" :)
C. Drink alot, say, "Fuck it.", and then parade around in all your glory, and let him see all he wants. This would be my best suggestion.

Seriously, I know we've talked alot about how our body images should be reversed, as you have a good one, but think you don't, and I don't and think I'm a size 8. One thing I've learned is that men really aren't trying to look for flaws. They're not thrusting away thinking, "Ah man, I looked at her thighs. I told myself not to look at her thighs. I saw her cellulite. I think I'm gonna be sick." I really don't think they're thinking much at all. You just need to be confident. That's it. I would, this very evening, go home, turn off the lights in your bedroom, strip naked, turn up the music and dance. Dance naked. Bring out your inner stripper. Because honestly, who cares? Do you really think this guy doesn't know what you look like by now? You've been with him before. Clearly he wasn't grossed out or he wouldn't be coming back for more. Granted, I would be being dishonest if I didn't tell you that I have stopped being really enthused about having sex in our bathroom as it has alot of mirrors. I don't like looking up and seeing that my ass is the size of a small country, or that my belly has become quite Buddha-esque. It totally takes me out of the mood. But bring it on in the bedroom where there aren't any mirrors, and I can convince myself that I'm hot, and it's all good! Even at eight and nine months pregnant I would put on a miniskirt and heels with the goofy bunny ears, and shake my fanny. I KNOW for a fact that had I seen myself, I would have vomited. But HE liked it. That's the only person who has to like it, really, you know? So even if you think you look scary, he doesn't. Seriously, go home and dance naked. Very liberating. You'll see.

Regarding why younger men seem to like older women...I've got no idea, really, except there's less drama, and I think we're willing to be a little dirtier sometimes, maybe...or maybe that's just me..ha ha Who knows? Whatever the reason, I sure am thankful for it. Do you realize I have only been with one person who was older than me? What's up with that? Not only that, but it's like, they get progressively younger. For example, when I was 22, I was with a 19 yo., 23, with a 20 yo., 31 with a 23 yo, 35 with a 24 yo. More years between us each time...CRAZY! This means that, according to our math, when I'm 57, I will indeed be dating an embryo. Awesome.

Have You Met My Neurotic Friend?

So, I'm glad that you had a nice time in the greater New York/New Jersey area. I'm thinking about using the plane tickets I won at that infernal professional development meeting a few months back to go there sometime this summer. However, I've never been to Boston so I might go there instead. Either way I won't be here and by here I mean work. And need I point out to you that it will be over EIGHT weeks before our next holiday. Are you KIDDING me??? April SUCKS!
Anyway...so yes, yes, yes! I'm glad that you agree that it doesn't make me a wicked person to want to use this young man-child for wild monkey sex purposes, but now I have this OTHER issue. Ok, you know how I hate my body and all? Well, I think that there is something about him being so much younger than me that makes me even MORE self-conscious, ya know? I mean he probably has spent a lot more time looking at less than 25 year old bodies than greater than 35 year old ones. To be honest, I'm REALLY intrigued by the idea that he even wants to sleep with me. Do you have a theory for that? I can assure you that when I was in my mid-20s I had NO DESIRE to sleep with any man in his mid-30s.
Anyway, back to my disgusting body...So, as you know I'm always worried about how gross I must look to somebody when I'm having sex, but I REALLY am preoccupied with it when I consider the possibility of going up to bat (get it? baseball player, going up to bat...) with Steven again. And no, I haven't done it yet. I did see him briefly on Friday and he STILL wants to see me, again. Tonight in fact, but I'm experiencing a little anxiety at the prospect. Hell, maybe he doesn't have any sexual plans for me at all. Maybe he is hoping to witness to me because he knows what a godless whore I am. Wow, that kills the libido...
I'm insane. Help me!

Terps

Fun With Younger Men...

Dear Terps,
You've told him what he needs to know. He can't say he wasn't warned. If he gets hurt, then it's his doing. Now I will tell you what I told the Man I dated a while back. You know the one I'm talking about. "If I have the courage to risk getting hurt, then you need to have the courage to let me." I think this applies here. If he's willing to get hurt, you need to be willing to let him. To me, it's that simple. And have some wild, monkey sex in the meantime. :) Sounds great to me.

My Spring Break began poorly, and ended poorly, but the middle part was good. Wednesday night, March 12, the night before we were due to get on the plane for New Jersey, I caught the mother of all stomach viruses from Mr. Confusia. At ten pm, I was in the bathroom throwing up everything I've ever eaten, and then dry heaving because there wasn't anything else. I was joined in the bathroom by Mr. Confusia who was also hurling. It was a great time, and my new favorite "Couples" activity. You should try this with Stephen. Manage your space carefully, though. By midnight, I was at the ER begging them to give me something for nausea because I knew I wouldn't be able to make the flight otherwise, and I'm supposed to be a Bridesmaid at my sister's wedding. Well, they gave me something for nausea alright, but they also shot me up with a crapload of morphine (I have no idea why). So then I was weak, and doped up. They call Mr. Confusia to come pick up my barely conscious and severely weakened body from the hospital. I went home, pretended to sleep for an hour, then it ws time to get up and get me and three kids to the airport. I could barely walk. It sucked. Fortunately, my mom held the baby on the plane, and all three kids were awesome. I almost thought they were someone else's. I'd been put on a liquid diet, so I had nothing to eat for 24 hours, on top of morphine, and a BUNCH of nausea medicine, and no sleep. It wasn't a pretty picture. Friday, everyone went into NYC, but I stayed at the hotel with the baby because I could still barely walk. It sucked missing out on NYC. By the time Saturday rolled around, though, I was good to go. The wedding was amazing. The reception was fantastic, and everything was perfect. My son did some serious breakdancing. At one point, I saw him sitting in a chair, looking sad. I asked him what was wrong, and he said, "I was dancing and nobody was cheering for me." Isn't it a bitch when that happens? ha ha He also went around handing rose petals to all the pretty women at the reception. I had about ten women come up and say, "Oh, your son is so adorable! He gave me a rose petal." Little mack daddy...Confusia Jr. also picked up a new friend. Some boy has been calling ever since we got back. I wish I were as popular as my kids seem to be. h aha Finally, on Sunday, I got to go into New York all by myself. Rachel babysat my kids bc I'd babysat hers the night before. I went to the World Trade Center site, stopped by Ladder 10 fire station across the street from the site, then went to Battery Park to get a glimpse of the Statue of Liberty. I walked down Broadway, and had some pizza (of course!) Then I rode the train back to New Jersey. I thought about taking the train down to Philadelphia which is the hometown of the man I dated that I mentioned above, but ended up not doing so. He wouldn't have been there, but it would have been nice to see his hometown. I probably would've gotten mugged in his hometown though... You would have been proud of me in New York. I made it through Penn station, and I got where I wanted to go, all while acting like I'd lived there for years. Except for when I got all those "I heart NY" shirts.
Anyhow, the flight back was uneventful. I took Confusia Jr. to see that 10,000 BC movie. That was a mistake. In case you were thinking about seeing it, don't bother. Other than that, I just stayed home and did some cleaning. I'm back at work today with an awesome cold! Confusia is modelling our new Spring look...the wrinkled brow that screams "Sinus pressure", the runny nose that says, "I love pollen!" and the chapped lips due to mouth-breathing that really give off that youthful, pouty glow...
It is, however, much better than the satanic stomach virus.
Love, Confusia

Who Will Save Me from Myself???

Dear Confusia,
It's been two weeks since we were doing the blog thing. You've no idea how I've missed you. I have a new problem for you to help me with. I don't know if I ever told you about the guy that I sort of "went out" (read had a lot of sex) with named Steven who was a baseball player and considerably younger than me? (Maybe not quite the difference between Mr. and Mrs. Confusia, but still...) Anyway, I finally called it off over a year ago because I just felt like I should stop "seeing" him. Well, he contacted me last week. Here's the dilemma:
It's like, wait, let me think of a good analogy here...
OK, it's like eating cake...it's just sooooo damn good that no matter how bad you know it is for you, you just want to fucking devour it, ya know?
And in essence, that's not entirely the same because the cake doesn't feel one way or the other about you and whether you eat it or not. But it at least tells you where I'm coming from.
Here's the thing. I feel like I have spent most of my life doing the "right" thing and not hurting anyone else purposely. So, if I know that he wants more from me and that I couldn't give it back I'd feel like shit if I strung him along. BUT, at what point am I NOT the responsible party anymore? If I told him, "You know what, Steven, having sex with you is great. If that's what we're doing here, ok. However, if you think this might develop into something more, I don't and I don't want to give you the wrong impression. If you really want more from me then we need to call this off." OK, so I've laid it out there. He knows how I feel. Now, if he says that's ok with him, even though it's not and he thinks it might become more, then isn't that HIS problem. Am I leading him on at that point? I mean, I hate to be crass, but what if I just want to have sex with him because I know it's good. It's like that cake. I want it. I've been forthcoming and upfront. If he wants more from me and isn't comfortable with what it is, then he has the right to opt out. Why do I HAVE to be the person responsible for HIS welfare. Is it possible that being honest and telling him how I feel is enough? Whatever decision he makes based on having ALL the facts lies squarely on his shoulders, right? Why isn't it ok for me to say, "Steven, I'll gladly keep seeing you so long as we keep it light. If you want a relationship, you have to go elsewhere. You won't make me mad or hurt my feelings either way." If he takes his chances and hangs around, then it's his risk, yes???
I know that sounds terrible, but I'm going to be totally frank with you. He's pretty good. So call me selfish, but if he wants to be with me, it almost seems foolish to turn him down. However, if he knows what he's getting into and makes that choice anyway, then ok, he made his bed (so to speak) and we can both lie down in it.
It would be one thing if I told him there was a chance, but I haven't.
So am I awful?

Terpsichore

PS How was your Spring Break?

Donde esta la biblioteca?

Not that anyone cares where the library is! Donde esta la pulqueria? la tequilleria? la cantina? los fucking banos????

I'm back!!!!

Adios Pendejos!!!

I'm off the blog for a bit, Confusia and our two loyal fans! I'm headed for Mexico City!!!!
See you suckers when I get back! OLE! -Terps

A Little Something to Crack Myself Up...

Before my friend Terps and I end up in a fistfight, let me say that this will be my last political post for awhile, and even this is meant to be more of an amusement.

I received the following e-mail from the Obama campaign this morning, and was in the process of forwarding it to friends and family, when I noticed something I thought was mildly amusing...the use of first names. Well, as one of the things I enjoy is taking mildly amusing things and turning them into things that are absolutely ridiculous, I decided to take some liberties with this e-mail. I decided to treat it as though it was sent to me personally from Sen. Obama himself, and ONLY to me. So, here is the letter in its entirety with my responses to Obama in orange.

Confusia, (this is substituted by me for my real name.)
We may not know the final oucome of today's voting until morning, but the results so far make one thing clear. We didn't do so well.

When the dust settles from today's contests, Cough we will maintain our substantial lead in delegates. Yes, Barack. We will have world domination!! And thanks to millions of people standing for change, we will keep adding delegates and capture the Democratic nomination. I've already sent the checks to the appropriate super delegates as per your instructions.

We knew from the day we began this journey that the road would be long. And we knew what we were up against. On the contrary, Barack, you just promised me all the pizza I could eat, and free babysitting on the campaign bus. What's up?

We knew that the closer we got to the change we seek, the more we'd see of the politics we're trying to end--Didn't we though? I remember the exact conversation we had about this..."Confusia," you said to me, "The closer we get to the change we seek, the more we're going to see of the politics we're trying to end." You were so right. the attacks and distortions that try to distract us from the issues that matter to people's lives, Like why no pizza places deliver after midnight...stunts and the tactics that ask us to fear instead of hope. Hillary put a rubber snake in my bed just last night, then popped up and said, "It's 3 AM!! Who are you going to call now, Bitch?!" I'm not sleeping well, Barack.

But this time--this year--it will not work. The challenges are too great. The stakes are too high. I'll say. I borrowed money from a loan shark to pay for my tour bus. We've gotta win or he's going to break my knee caps. How come you've got all the Secret Service guys, and I've got nothing???

Americans need real change. You're so right, Barack. A homeless person asked me for some just the other day. When I tried to pass off a wooden nickel, he told me this exact thing.

In the coming weeks, we will begin a great debate about the future of this country with a man who has served it bravely and loves it dearly. And we will offer two very different visions of the America we see in the twenty-first century. Which vision would you like me to offer?

John McCain has already dismissed our call for change as eloquent but empty.
Not only that, Dude, but when I called his office for change the other day, they didn't even know who I was. They totally hung up on me. What have you been telling people about me, huh?
But he should know that it's a call that did not begin with my words. I know. It was my idea originally. It's the resounding call from every corner of this country, from first-time voters and lifelong cynics, from Democrats and Republicans alike. Except Terps. I tried to buy her silence, but it was a no go, I'm afraid. And together, you and I are going to grow this movement to deliver that change in November. I'm going to hatch it like a shiny, new egg, Barack!

Thank you,
Barack

You're Welcome,
Confusia

PS Tell me again when you plan on announcing me as your running mate? I mean, I'm not insecure about it or anything, I just would like to know that it's on your mind, you know?

Weeping, Wailing, Gnashing of Teeth

I want to apologize to any Obama supporters who might read this. Texas has once again fucked up. I know we're all surprised. I want to say that there was alot of Republican interference here. Because McCain's nomination was a given, alot of them chose to vote in the Democratic Primary instead. They were being urged to vote for Hillary because they don't think she can win against McCain, and also because they want to keep the Democrats duking it out for the nomination while McCain focuses on getting their party behind him. There were alot of people voting for Obama here so we tried our best. Again, I apologize on behalf of Texas. I've been doing that for so many years now I need to just get a T-shirt that says, "Yeah, I know. We suck. Sorry about that."
-Confusia

Wow! Really? Are you kidding me? You REALLY think the only deciding factor between Hillary winning and Obama is that Republicans voted in the Democratic Primaries? Sure, that might have been part of it, BUT not likely 4% points. Hillary has also been in this race from the start AND she is a good candidate. Just because she isn't YOUR candidate doesn't mean she isn't the favored candidate for some voters, like, oh say, uhm me. So, I take offense to you saying that Texas fucked up. I didn't vote for Clinton because I think she can't beat McCain, in fact I think she can if given the chance. I did, however, vote for her because my ideologies line up with hers. If that makes me a stupid fucking wasted my vote Democrat, than so be it, but I REFUSE to apologize for voting for her and I certainly don't think my state should apologize. And, call me a good ol' girl, but I don't think Texas and those of us who reside here suck! If Obama wins the nomination, I'll vote for him WITHOUT reservation, but while I have a chance to say who I want to win, I pick Clinton.
-Peace out, Terps

You're so hot when you get mad like this! ha ha , but calm down! I directed my statement to Obama supporters. I know you're for Hillary, so it didn't apply to you. Also, since I do read, I know that Hillary turned out a lot of voters, and no, not all of them were Republicans. I never said that. I spoke with people last night at the Caucus who were supporting Hillary Clinton. I spoke with one of my sisters who is supporting Hillary Clinton. I might also add that I will support whoever the Democratic Nominee is in November. I will say that Clinton's 3 AM ad disgusted me totally. After eight years of fear mongering by the current administration, she put out an ad designed to invoke the same response. What? Is Karl Rove her "Architect" now? "Oh my God, my sleeping children won't be safe if Obama takes the call!!!" For decency's sake, she shouldn't have done it. You're right, she is a strong candidate, so why is she resorting to things that should be beneath her? As far as apologizing for Texas, I stand by that. We've helped foist Bush on the rest of the world for the past 8 years! When I have to hear from people here about how Obama is a radical Muslim masquerading as a Christian, and how he's the Anti-Christ, and how Huckabee is the only candidate with godly principles, and how McCain isn't pro-life enough while they continue to support the loss of life in Iraq, and even here in the form of lethal injections, and on and on and on...then, yes, I begin to think that the judgment of most Texans is not up to par. Deep breath...
Finally, I didn't ask anyone to apologize for their vote, nor would I. I would in fact, defend their right to vote even if they voted for Huckabee. (Please see previous post where I write, "GO VOTE EVERYBODY!" You'll see that I did not write, "Go vote only if you're voting for Obama.")I wish everyone would vote. I apologized because I chose to do so, because I feel that America does need hope and change, and because I know that there are alot of Obama supporters who really were hoping he would win Texas. As one of his supporters, do I feel like I failed to do my part for the campaign? Yes. That is why I'm apologizing. You can feel how you want about Texas. There are alot of people here who don't suck, I will freely admit it. However, there are more who do, and I have to deal with them every day, and so do you, and so I know you know what I'm talking about.
All that being said, you are still my best friend and I love you dearly...even when you scare the hell out of me with your vehement and furious righteous indignation! Love, Confusia

I can't figure out what part of this I want to address first, my being hot when I'm mad and that I need to calm down, or that I scare the hell out of you with my vehement and furious righteous indignation, or that you think Texas is single-handedly responsible for putting Bush in office, or the Karl Rove remark, or... So you state that the post wasn't meant for me, that you addressed it to the Obama supporters who might be reading, but last I checked, this is the "private email ramblings between two friends" or something to that effect, so when I read a post on here, silly scary as hell righteous indignation me thought it was intended for silly scary as hell righteous indignation me. Maybe you could color-code those blogs intended for me so that I can keep things straight in my "I'm from Texas and therefore ain't too bright" brain. But, none of this is really worth the time or effort so I will simply leave off with this. You can stick to your guns about most people from Texas sucking, but I have lived in 3 states other than the Lone Star one (one of which is allegedly the most liberal in the USA, despite electing the Terminator as governor), but when it was all said and done, I decided to come back here. Because from experience I can say that for me it was the best place I ever lived. Yes, it might be too conservative for me, and that's likely the reason I live in the most liberal city in Texas, but politics is not the end all and be all measuring stick for me when it comes to people. Turns out there are ASSHOLES everywhere and they vote for EVERY party. So, I don't often say how I feel (and I mean REALLY feel), but now I will. This blog today made me feel undervalued and belittled (especially because of the "hot when you're mad" and righteous indignation comments, which I won't soon forget), even if you did end it by telling me we're best friends and you love me.

I initially wrote a response to this, but I erased it. I feel that what I erased was partially justified, but it also expressed some anger due to other things that are going on in my life. As I wrote to you in the e-mail I just sent, I feel this is counterproductive and detrimental. We're both reasonable. We are both kind-hearted. Knowing these two things without a doubt, I'm going to end my side of it here. - Confusia



-T

EE-HAW, EE-HAW

I won't lie. I'm going to be obnoxious today. Think of Superbowl fans on steroids...
IT'S PRIMARY DAY!!!
GO VOTE EVERYBODY!!!!
YAY!!!!
-Confusia

PS And by everybody, I mean all of our VAST reading audience currently residing in states that are holding primaries today. :)

O Spring Break, Where Art Thou?

You know what I missed this weekend? Getting good and tipsy! I'm telling you, this long, dry spell without any solid vacation days is a BEATING! Friday night, Mr. Confusia came home with some Jose Cuervo and margarita mix, and I STILL didn't manage to properly partake. What's wrong with me???
Saturday, after taking Jr. to her voice lesson in Dallas, we decided to go out to Denton Creek so Mr. Confusia could fish for sand bass. It was such a beautiful day, and it's been so long since I've really enjoyed time outdoors. When we arrived, I stuck the baby in the little frontpack carrier thing, and we started hiking down to the creek. People kept telling him the fish weren't biting, etc. Within ten minutes of fishing, he'd caught the first one. I decided to take the baby down to where he was to see what he'd caught. When we got there, it was so muddy, I decided to just hang out there rather than try to get back. When it came time for us all to go back, Mr. Confusia took the baby, and started trekking back like it was nothing! I already had mud all over my ass from where I'd slid earlier, but that was nothing compared to how I ended up! About halfway there, I made a really bad decision on where to step and sank past my ankle into mud. I pulled my foot out of the mud, but came up with just a sock. My shoe was still in the mud. So I took another step to pull my shoe out of the mud, and ended up with that foot stuck, too.
There I was, both feet stuck in the mud, my shoe in another mud hole, calling for help! I was laughing so hard. Meanwhile, Jr. got herself stuck in mud in another spot. Mr. Confusia had the baby, but came back to help me. He grabbed my arm and started trying to pull me out of the mud. He was laughing, and teasing us. "This is what I get for fishin' with a bunch of GIRLS!"
So he gets me out of the quagmire, hands me the baby, then goes to pull Jr. out of the mud. She's stuck at the bottom of an incline, and can't climb up. Finally, she and I get back to where we started from, and he goes back to get the stringer of fish he caught. I had my hair up in pigtails, sitting there in muddy socks, scraping mud off my sneakers with a stick. I had clumps of mud on one leg from ankle to ass, and almost that on the other. Pretty girl! ha ha
After that, we drove to the husband's brother's place. We had such a good time! The guys decided they'd get up super early and go back to the creek, so we ended up staying the night there. I chose to stay there with the sister-in-law so I wouldn't have to get up before the roosters. The next morning, I go to change the baby's diaper, and after removing the wet one, discover that I have no more. I get the sis-in-law to drive me to the store, leaving her seventeen year old with the baby. When we got back, I had to laugh. My little 5 month old...my sweet little, baby girl is lying in her baby cot as naked as the day she was born, watching TV with her fat, little legs propped up on the edge of her mini-playpen, and both hands resting behind her head. Who's a good mommy? ha ha
What a weekend! -Confusia