Testing, Testing, 1, 2, 3

Dear Confusia,
How's it going over there? Has Halloween fever already struck your little lovelies? Our girls are doing fairly well, but tomorrow will probably be another thing altogether. They aren't allowed to wear costumes (sadly) but they can wear Halloween accessories which is very exciting to them because usually they are only allowed to wear one accessory a day (i.e. one bracelet, one necklace, one ring, etc.), but tomorrow it's no hold's bar. They can wear as many as they like, as big as they like. That should be fun. I conveniently decided to have six weeks exams in half of my classes to help keep it calm. In the other half, they are having dress rehearsals for their performances next week, so that'll be crazy no matter what I do.
So, do you have any big plans for Halloween? I did, but then they got shit-canned. We were all going to go out downtown (think Nazi Death March), but then two of the group ended up having to work and the other doesn't drink and that just doesn't seem like much fun. I guess instead I will pass out candy to trick-or-treaters while simultaneously holding Rhoda back from eating the smaller of the children in the packs. Halloween + Rhoda = Pain in theAss.
Of course, I could do for Halloween what I did last night. When I got home from work (which, btw was early because I had someone else take my last period class) I went straight to bed. My vertigo was completely out of control yesterday. I was almost afraid to drive. Not so much as to stay at school mind you, but still... Anyway, I slept from 5 to 9 without interruption, got up for about 30 minutes, went back to bed, and then slept until 4 this morning. And I STILL feel like ass right now. What gives? I totally want to break up with vertigo. He is no fun!
How long until lunch? I'm hungry. As I told you Sunday, I'm on the cereal for lunch diet. I find myself craving things like potato chips and guacamole and chips and vodka tonics all day long. This cereal for lunch may be a two week thing only. (It wouldn't even be that long, but I bought 2 boxes of cereal so it'll take me until next week to finish it.) Any bright ideas on what I should try next. I just need something simple that I can keep at school. I always forget to bring a lunch in the morning.
Ok, should at least go act like I care the kids are in the room.
Later!
Terps
Dear Terps,
Yes, the kids here are already apeshit, but what are you gonna do? Actually, today I only have four or five in ISS, so it's not bad. this morning's duty was a pain and a half, though. I can only look forward to Monday when all the kdis will be sugared up and throwing candy wrappers everywhere.
My Halloween plans are also not what I'd have them be. I'm going to take the kdis trick-or-treating, and then back home where I might have a glass of wine by the fireplace. I can't believe I'm writing this, but it makes me nostalgic for the good, old days of the Nazi Death March that we endured that fateful evening. Remember that dude I picked up that night? The one we thought was gay, and that I didn't have sex with? Yeah, I think he was gay. There are just no other explanations for why he would have turned down a tumble with the ample-thighed cheerleader I was that night...ha ha ha ha ha He slept beside me, but nothing happened. What rocked about it was that he bought breakfast for all three of us the next morning. Sweet. I didn't even have to get pimped out for it...ha ha ha You know he's probably stayed at home every Halloween night since just to make sure he doesn't have a repeat of that evening. We totally ruined Halloween for that guy forever. However, I'm sure there will be others to take his place as we age. As for me, I can't wait to be the "Ample-thighed, eighty year old cheerleader" for Halloween. ha ha ha Wait, actually I CAN wait for that.

The picture is one I found on the web. Although i'm not (yet) in this picture, in all honesty, I applaud them for having fun in a society that tells us our bodies are never good enough.

Knowledge Is a BAD Thing!

Dear Confusia,

As I think you may know, I teach sex ed, er, women's health in one of my classes. Well, I have health educators from Planned Parenthood who come out and work on those classes with me. Our latest topic is Sexually Transmitted Infections. Imagine the fun. I have now convinced myself that I have EVERY infection listed in the brochure on my desk. Of course, I have none of the symptoms, but it says right here, in black and white, "Symptoms may not appear at all." That's me. I'm the symptomless sufferer of all known (and possibly some unknown STIs.) I've already explained to you in a pervious post of how because I bruise easily I have decided that I have HIV. Granted, I went and had a test that said I didn't, but tests can be false. Anyway, here are some of the other infections I've determined I have and my reasons for thinking so.

1. Chlamydia: is the MOST common baterial STI in America and about 3,000,000 Americans under the age of 25 get it yearly. I've been under the age of 25 for as long as I can remember, so I think that increases my chances.
2. Cytomegalovirus: symptoms include fatigue, fever, and general weakness. Do I feel warm to you? I think I feel warm. Oh Dear God! It goes on to say here that you can get it from kissing and touching. I'm going back into my bubble.
3. Gonorrhea: menstrual irregularities? Hell, that's my middle name!
4. Hepatitis: Oh wait. It says here that it causes a lack of appetite. I don't have this one.
5. Intestinal parasites: That expalains the bloating.
6. Scabies: I KNOW I have these. They come into my classroom everyday from 9:00 to 4:00.
7. Syphilis: I managed to skip the primary and secondary phases and rushed right into the latent phase. It goes on to say that if untreated, this can lead to death. I feel pretty confident I'm going to die one day. At least now I know the cause.
Your Very Sick Pal,
Herpesichore, er, Terpsichore
Dear Terps,
Well, I always knew you were a dirty girl...ha ha ha Seriously, allow me to add to this list.
Confusia's Diseases du Jour:
1. Pregnancy. I always think I'm pregnant. I know most people wouldn't consider this a disease, but I do, and God help us all, men can pass it to you in a heartbeat.


2. The ass polyps...These could be anything from flesh eating bacteria to genital warts.
3. Breast Cancer: Here's the thing: My boobs have lots of bumpy stuff. In fact, that's all that's in them is lumpy stuff. How the hell are you supposed to tell which lumps are alright, and which are lethal? I don't get this. I couldn't tell a gland, from a duct, from cellulose from a malignant tumor. God help me.

that's about it for right now. I'm having a fairly healthy day. :)

ASS POLYPS

OMG!

What do you mean it's only Tuesday?

Disgruntled,
Terps



Dear Terps,

Why does it seem that the week lasts so long, and the weekend is only a flash? I don't know. I imagine work has something to do with it, though...

Never fear, I have come to your rescue with a picture of something that will make you count your blessings. You only thought it was a bad week before...ha ha ha
You're welcome.







Why Confusia, you're such a giver. I can't believe how selfless you are. Thank you!

Good Job, Us!

Dear Confusia,

We made it to Friday! Of course, I hate Fridays, but still it's WAY better for it to be Friday than for it to be Monday, si o no?
It is not even normal how badly I need a day off. I mean I'm REALLY in need of a mental health day. I would consider taking one next week, but we have our Shakespeare performances coming up and I guess I should be here to get the little darlings ready for that. Plus, I have a workshop for three days during the week after my birthday, and that just seems like a lot of time to be out. Granted, it's not fun nor is it a vacation of any kind, but it is getting a sub and being out of the class and all that junk.
I guess I can just dream about November 26th, Thanksgiving Break. Of course, I'm goning to try to pick up some shifts at the Warehouse that week to make a little extra cash, but...
I just counted it up and I have 33 work days left until Semester Vacation. Is it too early to be looking at that do you think?
I wish I was either an inventor who could make something that would make me millions of dollars so I'd never have to do a Monday-Friday, 8-5 job again OR a really hot stripper type who could snag herself a sugar daddy. I'm not too proud.
Speaking of hot stripper types, do you ever just wake up and decide that you are fatter and grosser and uglier than you ever realized before? That's me today. Today's the kind of day when I just completely disgust myself. Good times! Why do you think that is? Why do you think somedays we can be ok with ourselves and then other days we're just overwhelmed with disappointment? Perhaps if we figure that out, we'll unlock some hidden magic for the world?
Ok, must take some time during my planning period to go pick up a few items for my Halloween costume.
Love,
Terpsichore
Dear Terps,
Generally this occurs if I look too closely in the mirror when I am getting into the shower or bath. It is then that I think, "Wow. I truly am obese, and I need an epic Gastric Bypass the likes of which have never been seen before on the planet. It seems that I can fool myself most of the time, but every once in awhile the truth hits hard. I am always flabbergasted when you feel like this, though. If I had your body, I'd be downright dangerous! You wouldn't ever see me out of slutty clothes...ha ha ha I'm talking about hot pants, fishnets, and corsets. I'd go to the dang grocery story dressed like a Pussycat Doll. ha ha ha PTA meeting? Let me slip into a little bondage number...ha ha ha. I think this is why I DON'T have your body. God knows the world doesn't need me to be that way.
Kids are getting on my nerves REALLY badly this week. I'm talking about...I almost threw a tennis ball across my classroom yesterday in a fit of temper. They are PISSING ME OFF!!! I just don't have any friggin patience. I don't know if it's because I'm tired, or if it's because they're little bastards.
I am glad it's Friday. I'm leaving at 12:30 today to head towards San Antonio. I might stop by real quick for a visit if you're home. SURPRISE!!! Love you, Mwah! ha ha
Confusia

Confusia Gone Apeshit!!!

Dear Terps,

Welcome to my day. No seats left in In-House Suspension.

Confusia: From this point on, no one else ask to go to the bathroom or get a drink of water. You have now all gone, and so do not ask me again for the rest of the day.
Student A: Can I get a drink of water?

Confusia: Can I rip off your arms and beat you with the bloody stumps?

PS I found it really amusing to google the following: "Pictures of angry Kong"

I'm just sayin'.

I hate Shakespeare. Three hours a day of listening to it is MORE than enough for any person (except those a-holes that think they are so fucking literary and smart) but now I have to stay after school to help a girl learn her part. Ugh!

Not to Make You Jealous, But...

Dear Confusia,
I know you just went to the New Kids concert, and I don't want to tinkle on your parade. However, I think when I tell you where I'm going today you'll probably be just a bit envious. (Hence the reason I'm typing in green.)
I'm going to get my Well Woman's Exam today!!! Ha Ha! In your face!!!
So enough about that. Why haven't we talked about Halloween yet this year. You know how much I LOVE Halloween!!! Have I told you my costume yet? Well, I'll give you ONE tiny, little hint:





Any guesses?
Love,
Terps
Dear Confusia,
I can't believe you'd taunt me with the Well Woman Exam. Knowing that you get to have one today, and I don't makes me so depressed. How could you throw this in my face???
Well, since you bragged about this, check this out... I'm getting to clean the LITTER BOX today! YUP! How you like that?!? Plus, after that I have 3 loads of laundry to fold, 2 toilets to scrub, and a bunch of dirty dishes to wash. Jealous of you??? I think not!
I think Rosie the Riveter would be a GREAT costume! I have no idea what I'm going to be. Probably a bitter, old schoolteacher carrying around a bottle of rum...Oh wait, I dress up like that every day! ha ha

Do the New Kids Dance...part 2!

This is most what he looked like that day, only without the b-ball court.

here, he is showing what i most wanted to get my filthy hands on...

Dear Terps,
So to continue, I was there backstage with a mega 44 oz cup of rum and coke, doing my best to blend in. Keep in mind that while I was wearing all black like the other stage hands, I had a neckline that...well, do you remember the infamous J. Lo dress??? ha ha Needless to say, i was the only "stage hand" with cleavage...
I was hanging out for awhile (literally. ha ha) but then i decided to go down to this little bar thing where the meet and greet was going to be. i went in there, got a glass of wine. that was awesome because every other woman in that room paid 375 for their admission. i paid nothing.
The NK bodyguard was telling everyone the rules for the Meet and Greet, so I sat sipping my free wine. Then I got bored, so I left to go back out. That's when they all came walking out of the dressing room area. Donnie walked past me, looked at me, and I at him. I'm pretty sure he thought something like, "That's a weird looking stage hand!" ha ha He continued walking. I can't say I blame him at all because judging by the other stage hands (the real ones) I don't think they were big New Kids fans. At this point, if I had gone over to mingle with the girls from the radio winners' Meet and greet, I would have met him and gotten away with it. But I was foolish and proud. Plus, they were a bunch of really skinny women with huge boobs wearing spandex. Most of the radio winners looked like they meant business, if you know what I mean. I didn't want to look dowdy in comparison. that was my undoing...foolish pride. The other New Kids bodyguard asked me what I was doing there, and I didn't have a legit answer for him. He told me I couldn't be in the area. Whatever. So I got attention, and that's what I didn't need. He radioed someone else, and from that point on, i was marked. I went upstairs to get MC. We managed to talk the security guy upstairs into giving her a sticker, too. We got into the platinum club again, but after that, we were walking around. this time, they took our stickers, and escorted us out. ha ha ha ha ha
All I can tell you after that is I really regretted not grabbing Donnie's butt when I had the chance, because it was really nice. Of course, you and I both know I'm not the type to do that, but sometimes, I really wish I was. If I had, I might have made it to the bus...heh heh heh.
MC and I were ridiculously drunk. she was worse than me, though. She was more friendly than I've ever seen her! Hilarious! she was in the platinum bar doing the New Kids dance from their old video "The Right Stuff". I was laughing my ass off.
We had a good time at the concert. Our tickets were on the last row. Seriously. We could barely see, and all those women were screaming, so we could barely hear, either.
I don't know what it is about that Donnie Wahlberg. I'm telling you I just have the hots for that man.
It was funny when he walked by me. I guess I had enough rum in my system that I didn't act weird or anything. Just walking by he's just a guy, you know? He wasn't as energetic as I thought he would be, so the word that he was sick made alot of sense. It seems so strange that someone I fantasized about endlessly when i was seventeen could walk by me, and I'd just do a little, polite nod to him. That was it. I can say, though, that
I WAS TEN FEET AWAY FROM DONNIE!!!!! It makes me feel a little giddy.

Let me add this in purple, Terps, because I couldn't figure out how to say this...now I'm going to add it.

Sometimes, when we like this celebrity or that one, all we ever see is pictures...on paper, on video, whatever. The thing that was so cool to me was I saw him not on paper. He's more real to me now, you know? I guess it's like when you spoke to Adam Duritz. You can verify that he exists... Confusia

PS Also, you know how when you do meet someone sometimes, they're not what you expected them to be? Either they're shorter (usually) or skinnier, or whatever. Donnie's not like that. He was exactly as I expected him to be. that was cool.

The End
Love, Confusia

Confusia Does the New Kids Dance...

Dear Terps,

Sometimes, life is good. I feel that I have some props coming my way for some shit I pulled last night...Let me explain.

A couple of weeks ago, my sister and I decided to go to see the New Kids on the Block Reunion Tour in Dallas. I tried to get some cheap tix on e-bay, but some evil person outbid me in the last 12 seconds. My sis, who shall henceforth be referred to Miss Congeniality (MC for short) got some tickets for us. they were for the last row in the arena...I'm talking about, our seats were located in Ft. Worth kind of last row in the arena...

I decided I had to take action. Now, as you may or may not know, my sisters and I ended up being New Kids fans back in the day...18 years ago to be precise. We saw them in concert at Texas Stadium back then. Despite our best efforts, we didn't manage to meet a single one of them. This tour, though, Donnie, who is my favorite New Kid on the Block, has said that he will be "very accessible". If that's not a challenge, I don't know what is...ha ha I figured I'd try to find Donnie,in an attempt to score better tickets or backstage passes (also in an attempt to have wild monkey sex with him... ha ha). I got ready early, dropped the kids off at their babysitters, and headed for the arena. I got there at about 1 PM. I waited FOREVER at the employee entrance. At one point, this guy walked up pushing a baby stroller that had some gift bags in it. With him were two women, one a Hispanic lady walking a dog, and the other a blode woman carrying a blonde baby. I thought, "You know, Joe (of the New Kids) has a baby around that age. I wonder if that's his wife." The women had already walked in, but the guy with the gift bags was still outside the door. I said, "Are those the wives?" The dude, who I thought was like a PR guy or something, looked up at me, and I said, "OH! You..You're Joey." He said, "What? I'm Joey?" and just smiled, and walked in. I was laughing because I'm so dorky. So I ran in to Joe. Still looking for Donnie. Finally, at about 3:30, the guy working security at the employee entrance tells me and four other girls who have not gone off seeking greener pastures that he has five stickers that will get us backstage, and that he'll give them to us if we meet him in one of the parking lots at four. We did, and he gave us the stickers. That guy was really nice. I was still waiting for Rachel to arrive, so I decided to go ahead and see if the sticker worked. It did. I was backstage at New Kids on the Block. Donnie, where are you???

My Finger Hurts

Dear Confusia,

Last night, I woke up and my room was kind of stuffy. I decided, as it was nice outside, that I should just open the window and let some air in. Well, I hadn't opened my window since back in April probably, so when my half-asleep person tried to open it, the window was stuck. Well, in my attempt to pull it open, I managed to rip not one, but TWO of my fingernails off my fingers. It was stupendously awesome.

Now, I'm here at school, thankful for Bandaids, and wishing it was 3:55 in stead of 9:55. I'm not sure if today was the day that you were going to chaperone some sporting event or if yesterday was. I get to take the volleyball teams to a UT game tonight. I know you're jealous. At least once that's over, I am coaching free for at least 9 months. SWEET!!!

Michelle was supposed to come visit this weekend, but something came up and she isn't going to make it afterall. I kind of like the idea that I don't HAVE to get hussied up and go out this weekend. Does that mean I'm old?

Hope you have a great weekend!

Love ya,
Terps

Last Thursday I had to go on a field trip to TCU for a girls soccer game. It was swell. TCU lost. BYU won. I was starving. My story is told.
I'm sorry about your fingernails. That sucks. That feeling of your fingernails ripping gives me the heebie-jeebies worse than fingernails on a chalkboard. I can barely talk about it without feeling yucky-ness in my spine.
Confusia

Who Says Public Education Needs Fixin'?

Dear Terps,
This was turned in to me on a sheet titled "Memories". I'm going to reprint it all word for word...
Terps, I give you The 6TH GRADE TEXAS STUDENT...(student's answers in red.)

1. I'll always remember a time I felt happy because some of the times I am happy, because as they say, ignorance is bliss, so come to think of it, I ALWAYS feel happy.
2. I'll always remember a time I felt sad because I don't no how to tie my shoes.
3. I'll always remember a time I felt afraid because Never in my life was I as scared as that time when Ms. B made me answer all these really hard questions without multiple choice options.
4. I'll always remember a time I felt left out because sometimz I get left out, like that time when my parents packed up and moved away and left me out of the plans.
5. I'll always remember a time i felt strong because always is a really strong maxi-pad brand and I like that.
6. I'll always remember a time I felt intelligent because some of the time when I'm in a room full of people with traumatic brain injuries and/or infants I seem pretty smart.
7. I'll always remember a time I felt successful because not all the time should you look at the fact that you can't do anything as being unsuccessful. For instance, if you are playing the role of "a bump on a log", being unable to accomplish anything is actually quite effective.
8. I'll always remember a time I felt frustrated because my sister (who is two-months old) scored higher than me on an IQ test.
9. I'll always remember a time I felt so angry because my cuzins told me I wasn't a good speller.
10. I'll always remember a time I felt so proud because I win something. It was really cool! I got to sit in the back of the police car and they had the sirens going and everything. It was really cool. I also liked it when they took me to that room and put my fingers in ink and pressed them on a piece of paper. It was neat-o!

Feel free to complete the sentences...ha ha ha (Not that I would ever try to score cheap laughs off of a student or anything...)
Love, Confusia

Enjoy!
Love ya, Terps

I laughed. Oh, how I laughed. Perhaps I'll answer them tomorrow! Oh wait, tomorrow I have to chaperone a field trip to a soccer game. It's sad that I'm actually excited about that simply because it beats having to put up with the daily BS I get in this classroom.

I Spy a Brilliant Blog!

Dear Confusia,

Have you checked out Does This Blog Make Us Look Fat?
It's AWESOME!
Have a great weekend!

Love,
Terps

Could Somebody Just Rip the Band-Aid Off???

Dear Confusia,

I chose to use green to write you in today as it is Spirit Day, and the colors blue, white, and black are enough to induce vomitting in me.

Few times in my teaching career have I been less excited to be at school. I just feel completely and totally BLAH! I should probably be teaching the girls right now, but my head is throbbing, and I feel like crap. Instead, I am letting them spend the rest of this class period making posters to hold up during this afternoon's pep rally. I hope one of the administrators comes down to see the kids making posters and me working on the blog. That'd be awesome. The thought of today makes me sick. We are attempting to have school (but the kids are not engaged) and then we have the dreaded pep rally and then we're having a tailgate party and then I have to get on a big yella and ride across town to coach a game. When I finally get home tonight, at 10:00, I should be in great shape. Looking forward to it, for sure.

How's your hell?

Terps
Dear Terps,
Welcome to Gangland. I got more gangstas in here than every GodFather movie put together. I don't get it. I don't understand why the gang problem is so much worse this year than last year. No granted, towards the end of last year it was bad, but it is just too soon in the year for us to be having this kind of constant crap. Starting last Friday, every day this week I've had kids in and out, waiting for parents to pick them up, and letters being sent home about alternative school assignments due to gang shit. I'm TIRED of it. So allow me to vent for just a moment.
If you are a little gang-banging wanna-be asshole, could you just go ahead and die? Seriously. I mean, you're gonna get killed eventually, so why not just skip all the years of you being a pain in the ass for everyone else? Look at it as time management. ALSO, just stay the hell away from kids. Stay the hell away from them. Oh yeah...and die. Thanks. Check it out, I'm even writing in equal opportunity gang colors so no one has to get defensive...
Okay, now I feel slightly better, but not totally better. I'm afraid that can only be managed by someone getting Adrien Brody and a a fucking tropical island here RIGHT FUCKING NOW!!!
Thank you, Confusia

Homecoming Hell, Day Two: The "Fun" Continues

Dear Confusia,

How are you? Again I write to you wearing something completely ridiculous, god-awful in fact. Today is "Twin Day", so several teachers decided we'd wear the girls' basketball uniforms. There ended up being 8 of us. I'm not quite sure what that makes us, octuplets? John and Kate plus 8? Not sure, but now I have to walk around all day in this less-than-figure flattering ensemble. At least I was smart enough to remember my lunch today and have no reason to go out in public looking like this. Of course, I do have the health educators from Planned Parenthood coming in to do sex ed with the kids. That'll be fun.

Speaking of fun...you know how I get up at the ass-crack of dawn to go to the gym in the mornings? Well, imagine my joy when I got there at 5:30 and the a-hole who is supposed be there at 4:00 to open it hadn't shown yet. It was one of those, is it worth for me to drive back home now? Should I wait a few minutes and see if he shows? Where the hell is he? kind of moments. Turns out he never showed up, but several trainers (who had appointments with clients) did. Eventually they called a locksmith out who pretty much had to take the whole door off in order to get us in. I had just enough time to take a shower and leave to come to work. Really??? I wake up at 4:45 just so I can hang out in my car until 6:45??? That was good times.

I wish today was Friday? And I wish I had a vodka tonic right now? (Is 9:30 too early for that???)

Terps
Dear Terps,
At least I don't have to wear poodle skirts and b-ball uniforms to work. I hate those moments where things go wrong, and you're like, "Oh shit, what do I do? What do I DO???"
It's sad that we are such creatures of routine that we get thrown off so easily. It reminds me of that ant in the movie "A Bug's Life" He's carrying the piece of grain in a line, but a leaf falls and lands in front of him. He looks, then wails, "I'M LOOOOOSSSTTT!" Yep, that's how I feel...
I'M LOSSSSTTTTTT! ha ha

Stupid Monday

Dearest Confusia,

How are you? I write to you from my desk in my classroom wearing a poodle skirt and Saddle Oxfords. I look and feel like a total moron. It is homecoming week and today is "Dress Like Your Favorite Decade". The Fifties is not my favorite decade, but Rachel had that skirt from the Halloween we went as the Pink Ladies, so I figured, what the hey. However, now that I have it on I feel like a complete douche bag. Really? I didn't decide to go as the 90s? I could be sitting here at my desk wearing jeans and a flannel shirt, (for all intents and purposes, my pjs) but no, instead I'm wearing a skirt complete with tulle and sequines. Fun! I think the best part of the experience thus far is this morning, I had to get dressed at the gym. I found myself trying to justify to the ladies in the locker room (women I never talk to) why it was that I was wearing a pink poodle skirt. In fact, as I was leaving the gym, I had an older woman come up to me and ask me where I got the skirt. She informed me that she's going to her 50 year high school reunion and wanted to dress like the times. I almost took it off and gave it to her right there. Only that I would have been clad in nothing but my underwear kept me from doing do. Just when I thought the humiliation of it would end as soon as I got to school, it dawned on me that I forgot to bring my lunch today. Now, I'll have to go out in public at lunchtime and get something or I could starve. Starving is always an option. Have I mentioned that I look like a total tool?

By the way, if I ever see tie-dye again, I might puke. I guess the 70s is an easy decade to dress like? Ugh!

How was your weekend?
Dear Terps,
My weekend was f-ing swell, let me tell you. Last week I tried to get my car inspected, but no sooner had I pulled up than the dude was like, "That won't pass. I can already tell you've got an exhaust leak. Take it to so-and so, and they can take a look at it for you." So I drove it to the other place he suggested, and the guy told me it sounded like a cracked exhaust manifold. He said he could weld it for me if I could go to this other garage and have them take it out. So off I went, only to discover that they wanted 200 bucks just to take the thing out. On to Plan B. I went to a junkyard and got an exhaust manifold for 75 bucks. I took it back to the house and started working on the car. I got the heat shield off, but the alternator was in the way, and my weak female arms couldn't get all the screws on the manifold off. I called my father-in-law, and he came over to help me. I told him that there weren't any cracks in the damn manifold. He saw it and agree with me. He put a five dollar gasket in there with the old manifold, and the car passed inspection yesterday. Now the junkyard won't take the other manifold back, so I'm stuck with the damn thing. I'm going to try to sell it and an old boat motor Alan's got as scrap metal, though.
The funniest thing about this is we both know I know shit about cars and how to fix them. I was covered in grease, and blisters, but I did save myself some money! Plus, I got to feel like Rosie the Riveter...ha ha I'm such a badass car mechanic!
When the hell are we retiring to our island again???