Dearest Confusia,
I have to be honest with you. As much as I am so glad that today is the last day until vacation, I am so dreading it because I know it will be a complete and total cluster fuck. This is just one of the things about today that reminds me what a nightmare the school system is. We got an email two weeks ago EXPLICITLY reminding us that today is a SCHOOL DAY and should be treating as one. The students should be engaged in learning activities in every class, blah, blah, blah. Well, yesterday we got one saying that are grades are dur by 8:00 AM. That means they are due right now. So, despite the fact that today is a school day, we can't expect the kids to do anything we might want to take a grade on? WTF? I went to my attendance clerk and told her that I have students turning in projects all the way until 3:55 this afternoon and there was no way I could have my grades done by 8, unless they want me to give everyone incompletes and then go back and change the grades later. WTF? Seriously. Oh, and I have lots of other shit to bitch about, but I haven't the time right now. Later....I promise.
Terps
Ok, I shall continue. We were told that we didn't have to come into work tomorrow if we had everything done by the end of the day today. Well, clearly if we have all of our grades in by 8 this morning (haha) then we shouldn't have anything left to do, right? So all in all it seems like a good gig. We don't have to work tomorrow. But wait...there's more. Turns out that we have a meeting after school in which we have to go over every single student, one by one, and determing if she needs to be on a contract, if she is doing fine on her own, or if we need to go through the dismissal process. REALLY? Every girl? Do you have any idea how long that'll take? I have a guess....FOREVER!
Wow, that really blows. We actually have school today and tomorrow with no early dismissal. That blows, too. I got a call from Confusia, Jr.'s school this morning asking me why she was absent today. Only problem, I dropped her off at school today. She decided to leave with this little male heathen she thinks is her boyfriend. I asked them to transfer me to the campus policeman. I spoke with him, telling him he might want to run by my house to see if they were there, and if they were to just put the fear of God into them. He laughed and said he would. I got a call back a bit later saying he'd found them. Confusia, Jr. doesn't know what kind of hell her life will be tonight, I guarantee you. I am beyond pissed at her. She said, "But we weren't doing anything." Like that makes it all okay. Like skipping school with some little asshole is alright because they weren't "doing anything". Where's my proof of that, anyway? I'm not kidding. She is in for a seriously UNGODLY amount of shit from me when I get him. She only thought getting reamed over the phone in her AP's office was uncomfortable. Why doesn't CPS allow torture? That's my question for today. Teenagers suck ass...
-Confusia
Thursday, December 18, 2008
Friday, December 12, 2008
Another year, another staff party, another chance to be an ass...
Dearest Confusia,
So funny to log on here and see that you started a blog with this title. I might have mentioned to you yesterday that our staff party is tomorrow night. I guess I'm going to go, but I'm less excited about it than I was last year. I think the reason I'm less excited about it is that there aren't as many wild and weird types (such as ourselves) so I have to carry the weight of the whole group, ya know? Anyway, last year I went to the party equipped with my two favorite party items, guacamole and vodka. Sadly, I didn't bring enough of either. I guess this year I will at least be better prepared. I have to come up with a white elephant gift as well. Last year, I brought what I thought was the best possible white elephant gift. It was a stocking filled with all of the "Greatest Teacher" type ornaments that I have received over the last ten years. Sadly, that's not something I can repeat again for another ten years. Any ideas? In fact, that's the questions I have for all of our loyal readers (or any random person who happens on here). What should my white elephant gift be for our faculty party?
Also, this morning, I sat in the cafeteria during the choirs' performances thinking about how I couldn't wait to get in here to tell you all about it. First off, our choir director is a complete and total bitch. Even the other teachers here at school are afraid of her. Though there is some part of me that admires how fucking mean she is, I'm too scared of her to study her for pointers. Anway, the girls walked onto the stage and they have choir dresses this year. Well, none of the other kids had seen them in their choir dresses yet so they were all clapping and cheering about how nice the girls looked. To add to that, the choir girls were all beaming and waving at their friends and all. It was a really sweet moment, ya know? Then Choir Director Hitler gets on the mic and says, "We can't perform until we have appropriate audience behavior. This is a choir concert, not a football game." So, there is a stunned silence that falls over the crowd. Even the teachers (who are used to her anti-social ways...btw, she's our social committee director, oh the irony) were taken aback by her harshness. Anyway, they precede to do their performance and it occurred to me that there are two things that seem to happen at every choir concert ever. First, there is always one song in which they use sign language. I don't know for sure, but do you think a lot of deaf people attend public school choir concerts? I'm not deaf, but if I was, I don't think I'd get a lot of joy out of watching people sing. And then the other thing that they always do is some kind of choreographed "dance routine" which involved Jazz Hands and a shuffle to the left then a shuffle to the right. I decided as I was sitting in that cafeteria this morning watching those girls do that little dance routine that that is the exact reason why I would have never tried out for choir. (That in the fact that I'm tone deaf.)
It's FRIDAY!!!!!
Love, Terps
BTW, I've seen the photos. Wow...
Dear Terps,
I 've never met the Choir Director and I admire the hell out of her...ha ha No. Not really. There's a fine line between being mean to kids the way WE are mean to kids, and just being a bitch. Like, if I'm lining up the kids in I.S.S., and I say, "Okay, Delinquents, get in line." It's funny. Or, remember when our favorite student got stuck when he fashioned his own shirt into a makeshift straitjacket and we stood over him and laughed? That's funny. Getting Third Reich on a group of kids for cheering for their choir buddies is just being, well, a Nazi.
Yes, it's Faculty Christmas Party time once again. Last year, I got pretty well smashed. I believe I will try to show a little more restraint this year. However, we've got some good drinkers attending, so competition for most drunk should get pretty stiff. I love my co-workers. God Bless 'em. There's the self-titled "Drunken Debutante". My principal, who thinks he can be more of a karaoke queen than me, the science teacher who dresses her baby in pirate print diapers....I love them all. You should come to OUR staff party, because it's gonna be awesome.
As for White Elephant gifts..I don't really think you could top the bag full of "Teacher" ornaments. I've got a bunch of those weighing down my own tree at home, as a matter of fact. Isn't it funny how they're always made of the heaviest materials? I've got several five pound ceramic ornaments... They're the knuckle-draggers of the tree. If you want to go with a teacher themed gift, perhaps a scrapbook of "artwork" given to you by students? Fashioned into some kind of coffee table book, of course. If you want to get a bit naughty, I would say a bottle of K-Y should do the trick. My very favorite white elephant gifts, though, are the ceramic masterpieces that you can find at your corner Big Lots. You know what I'm talking about...Two foot tall ceramic orchids covered with a mauve glaze. Garden gnomes where the assembly line face painter slashed on a line of red, and two black dots and missed the mouth and eyes completely. Large vases with the glaze drizzled (ie. slopped) down the sides in shades of burnt orange and sunny yellow. Mariachi frogs, harmonica playing angels, rasta Saints, etc. Fucking brilliant.
On another note, you've gone and made me hungry for Guacamole. I think I told you that the doctor has told me to reduce the amount of sodium in my diet because of my blood pressure, right? It is unbelievably difficult. Last night, I was trying to make a nice broccoli stir fry using only onion, garlic and pepper for seasoning. While letting it cook, I was washing the dishes. Well, Confusia, Jr. comes up to the stove, and starts stirring, and then, I swear it was like slow motion...I look over as she's splashing some soy sauce into the pan...I was reaching out to grab the soy sauce, and shouting, "NNOOOOOOO!" but I was too late. She got the soy sauce into the stir fry. She says, "What?" I replied, "You can't put the soy sauce in there! It's loaded with sodium. It's got, like, a million grams of salt in it!" She says, "No way. It's just a little bit. How much could it have?" She looked at the nutrition information. One tablespoon of soy sauce contains 43% of the RDA of sodium for a 2,000 calorie per day diet. How...the FUCK...do you cram that much salt into a TABLESPOON??? Why call it soy sauce? I think they should cut the bullshit, and just call it salt sauce. SERIOUSLY!!! 43%!!! So, of course, I ate the broccoli anyway, because hell, that was dinner, and I was hungry. I think I'll run to the store at lunchtime and get some avocadoes and just make some homemade guacamole right at my desk. It will be like when the waiters come to your table and make it fresh right there. I can make it without salt, but the challenge will be finding something to put the guacamole on...Tortilla chips have lots of sodium. Celery is gross. Maybe I'll just lick it off of my fingers...lol. Like that's never happened before...ha ha
Love, Confusia
PS I keep trying to write a profile for Phil, but every time I see the picture, I can't stop laughing...Holy Shit, that's so freakin' hilarious!!!
So funny to log on here and see that you started a blog with this title. I might have mentioned to you yesterday that our staff party is tomorrow night. I guess I'm going to go, but I'm less excited about it than I was last year. I think the reason I'm less excited about it is that there aren't as many wild and weird types (such as ourselves) so I have to carry the weight of the whole group, ya know? Anyway, last year I went to the party equipped with my two favorite party items, guacamole and vodka. Sadly, I didn't bring enough of either. I guess this year I will at least be better prepared. I have to come up with a white elephant gift as well. Last year, I brought what I thought was the best possible white elephant gift. It was a stocking filled with all of the "Greatest Teacher" type ornaments that I have received over the last ten years. Sadly, that's not something I can repeat again for another ten years. Any ideas? In fact, that's the questions I have for all of our loyal readers (or any random person who happens on here). What should my white elephant gift be for our faculty party?
Also, this morning, I sat in the cafeteria during the choirs' performances thinking about how I couldn't wait to get in here to tell you all about it. First off, our choir director is a complete and total bitch. Even the other teachers here at school are afraid of her. Though there is some part of me that admires how fucking mean she is, I'm too scared of her to study her for pointers. Anway, the girls walked onto the stage and they have choir dresses this year. Well, none of the other kids had seen them in their choir dresses yet so they were all clapping and cheering about how nice the girls looked. To add to that, the choir girls were all beaming and waving at their friends and all. It was a really sweet moment, ya know? Then Choir Director Hitler gets on the mic and says, "We can't perform until we have appropriate audience behavior. This is a choir concert, not a football game." So, there is a stunned silence that falls over the crowd. Even the teachers (who are used to her anti-social ways...btw, she's our social committee director, oh the irony) were taken aback by her harshness. Anyway, they precede to do their performance and it occurred to me that there are two things that seem to happen at every choir concert ever. First, there is always one song in which they use sign language. I don't know for sure, but do you think a lot of deaf people attend public school choir concerts? I'm not deaf, but if I was, I don't think I'd get a lot of joy out of watching people sing. And then the other thing that they always do is some kind of choreographed "dance routine" which involved Jazz Hands and a shuffle to the left then a shuffle to the right. I decided as I was sitting in that cafeteria this morning watching those girls do that little dance routine that that is the exact reason why I would have never tried out for choir. (That in the fact that I'm tone deaf.)
It's FRIDAY!!!!!
Love, Terps
BTW, I've seen the photos. Wow...
Dear Terps,
I 've never met the Choir Director and I admire the hell out of her...ha ha No. Not really. There's a fine line between being mean to kids the way WE are mean to kids, and just being a bitch. Like, if I'm lining up the kids in I.S.S., and I say, "Okay, Delinquents, get in line." It's funny. Or, remember when our favorite student got stuck when he fashioned his own shirt into a makeshift straitjacket and we stood over him and laughed? That's funny. Getting Third Reich on a group of kids for cheering for their choir buddies is just being, well, a Nazi.
Yes, it's Faculty Christmas Party time once again. Last year, I got pretty well smashed. I believe I will try to show a little more restraint this year. However, we've got some good drinkers attending, so competition for most drunk should get pretty stiff. I love my co-workers. God Bless 'em. There's the self-titled "Drunken Debutante". My principal, who thinks he can be more of a karaoke queen than me, the science teacher who dresses her baby in pirate print diapers....I love them all. You should come to OUR staff party, because it's gonna be awesome.
As for White Elephant gifts..I don't really think you could top the bag full of "Teacher" ornaments. I've got a bunch of those weighing down my own tree at home, as a matter of fact. Isn't it funny how they're always made of the heaviest materials? I've got several five pound ceramic ornaments... They're the knuckle-draggers of the tree. If you want to go with a teacher themed gift, perhaps a scrapbook of "artwork" given to you by students? Fashioned into some kind of coffee table book, of course. If you want to get a bit naughty, I would say a bottle of K-Y should do the trick. My very favorite white elephant gifts, though, are the ceramic masterpieces that you can find at your corner Big Lots. You know what I'm talking about...Two foot tall ceramic orchids covered with a mauve glaze. Garden gnomes where the assembly line face painter slashed on a line of red, and two black dots and missed the mouth and eyes completely. Large vases with the glaze drizzled (ie. slopped) down the sides in shades of burnt orange and sunny yellow. Mariachi frogs, harmonica playing angels, rasta Saints, etc. Fucking brilliant.
On another note, you've gone and made me hungry for Guacamole. I think I told you that the doctor has told me to reduce the amount of sodium in my diet because of my blood pressure, right? It is unbelievably difficult. Last night, I was trying to make a nice broccoli stir fry using only onion, garlic and pepper for seasoning. While letting it cook, I was washing the dishes. Well, Confusia, Jr. comes up to the stove, and starts stirring, and then, I swear it was like slow motion...I look over as she's splashing some soy sauce into the pan...I was reaching out to grab the soy sauce, and shouting, "NNOOOOOOO!" but I was too late. She got the soy sauce into the stir fry. She says, "What?" I replied, "You can't put the soy sauce in there! It's loaded with sodium. It's got, like, a million grams of salt in it!" She says, "No way. It's just a little bit. How much could it have?" She looked at the nutrition information. One tablespoon of soy sauce contains 43% of the RDA of sodium for a 2,000 calorie per day diet. How...the FUCK...do you cram that much salt into a TABLESPOON??? Why call it soy sauce? I think they should cut the bullshit, and just call it salt sauce. SERIOUSLY!!! 43%!!! So, of course, I ate the broccoli anyway, because hell, that was dinner, and I was hungry. I think I'll run to the store at lunchtime and get some avocadoes and just make some homemade guacamole right at my desk. It will be like when the waiters come to your table and make it fresh right there. I can make it without salt, but the challenge will be finding something to put the guacamole on...Tortilla chips have lots of sodium. Celery is gross. Maybe I'll just lick it off of my fingers...lol. Like that's never happened before...ha ha
Love, Confusia
PS I keep trying to write a profile for Phil, but every time I see the picture, I can't stop laughing...Holy Shit, that's so freakin' hilarious!!!
Thursday, December 11, 2008
Words to Live By...
Hey Terps,
I have to share this with you. We had a kid get busted for tagging a desk with gang graffitti, and I had him write about it. This is what he wrote. I think you'll find it....instructive.
Gangs are bad because if you go to someone else's territorie they can shoot you and you can die. I'm sorry that I wrote on your table putting VC I'm really sorry I just felt like writing stuff on table's but the gangs there not good there nothing it will change your life really bad stay away from them make it to college don't be in the street killing people don't do drugs there bad for you it can mess you up the blue, red, yellow, brown, and green are the bad colors the safe color is black so don't go to the streets With them gangs stay in school until you graduate. Taging is bad to if you do it on trains tunnel or other places and you get caught you have to pay a five hundred dollar fine.
Terps, I'd like to nominate the second sentence of this paragraph as the longest sentence in the history of the world. You know what else this is? A bunch of BS. Seriously. This is a kid telling me what he thinks I want to hear. He doesn't mean any of it. I mean, you can tell how much education means to him, right? By the time I was this kid's age I was reading Gone With the Wind and The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn. Now granted, I'm a flipping genius, but still...
Has this kid ever been introduced to punctuation? He did manage to spell most of the words correctly, which is amazing...Sometimes, public education is so damn depressing.
Love, Confusia
Dear Confusia,
Being a public school teacher is bad, because if you go into somebody else's classroom, and ask them to shoot you, no matter how nice you are or how much you whine, they just won't do it. They like to see you suffer. Misery loves company. I'm sorry that I wrote on my application that I "like children" and think that being a public educator would "make a difference". I see now that I was just an idiot in desperate need of income. Let me lay it on the line for you, being a teacher is not good, it's real bad, it'll change your life but for the worst not the best, sometimes you'll think to yourself, "Did I really go to college for this?" and then you'll either start laughing hysterically or bawling and you won't know how to stop and then you'll probably get sucked into taking drugs just to make it through the day, you'll probably start with something like alcohol which you will sneak into your coffee and/or water bottle then the next thing you know your like Ms. Gerhauser, my high school French teacher, who go fired because she was caught shooting up heroin in the teacher's lounge, or at least that kind of rumor will circulate about you and you'll wish that your life was that fucking interesting, but no, you're just a middle school language arts teacher who sometimes comes to school wearing two different shoes because they are similar in appearance and you were half asleep when you left your house and didn't notice until you were standing in front of the class that one of them was brown and the other navy blue, but thankfully both of those are safe colors because they are neutrals, plus none of the kids is paying any attention to you anyway so you could be naked or dressed like a clown and they wouldn't notice. In other words, being a teacher is bad, and if you do anything like drink and drive or kill a kid or something (both of which this field can make you want to do) you might have to pay a fine or something.
Sincerely,
Ms. Terps
P.S. I tried really hard with the run-on sentences. I think my punctuation might be too good though. Sorry!
Yeah, it's hard to be bad on purpose when you're a flipping genius.
Overall, though, I think your essay is outstanding. So, where in the downward spiral are you, Terps? I haven't made it to the alcohol in the coffee stage yet, but I am at the "leave on my lunchbreak to go shoot up the nicotine" stage....ha ha
I haven't made it to any of those yet, nor do I have on two different shoes, but it's the kind of thing I could actually imagine happening. Thankfully testing will be over in 10 minutes and then I will be free from 10:45-12:40. (I love it when my planning period butts up to lunch!) I'm so OVER educating the youth of America...
Speaking of scandalous stuff...What have you been up to lately??? I miss the baseball euphemisms. You need to go do something naughty ASAP! We're getting too boring up in here.
I have to share this with you. We had a kid get busted for tagging a desk with gang graffitti, and I had him write about it. This is what he wrote. I think you'll find it....instructive.
Gangs are bad because if you go to someone else's territorie they can shoot you and you can die. I'm sorry that I wrote on your table putting VC I'm really sorry I just felt like writing stuff on table's but the gangs there not good there nothing it will change your life really bad stay away from them make it to college don't be in the street killing people don't do drugs there bad for you it can mess you up the blue, red, yellow, brown, and green are the bad colors the safe color is black so don't go to the streets With them gangs stay in school until you graduate. Taging is bad to if you do it on trains tunnel or other places and you get caught you have to pay a five hundred dollar fine.
Terps, I'd like to nominate the second sentence of this paragraph as the longest sentence in the history of the world. You know what else this is? A bunch of BS. Seriously. This is a kid telling me what he thinks I want to hear. He doesn't mean any of it. I mean, you can tell how much education means to him, right? By the time I was this kid's age I was reading Gone With the Wind and The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn. Now granted, I'm a flipping genius, but still...
Has this kid ever been introduced to punctuation? He did manage to spell most of the words correctly, which is amazing...Sometimes, public education is so damn depressing.
Love, Confusia
Dear Confusia,
Being a public school teacher is bad, because if you go into somebody else's classroom, and ask them to shoot you, no matter how nice you are or how much you whine, they just won't do it. They like to see you suffer. Misery loves company. I'm sorry that I wrote on my application that I "like children" and think that being a public educator would "make a difference". I see now that I was just an idiot in desperate need of income. Let me lay it on the line for you, being a teacher is not good, it's real bad, it'll change your life but for the worst not the best, sometimes you'll think to yourself, "Did I really go to college for this?" and then you'll either start laughing hysterically or bawling and you won't know how to stop and then you'll probably get sucked into taking drugs just to make it through the day, you'll probably start with something like alcohol which you will sneak into your coffee and/or water bottle then the next thing you know your like Ms. Gerhauser, my high school French teacher, who go fired because she was caught shooting up heroin in the teacher's lounge, or at least that kind of rumor will circulate about you and you'll wish that your life was that fucking interesting, but no, you're just a middle school language arts teacher who sometimes comes to school wearing two different shoes because they are similar in appearance and you were half asleep when you left your house and didn't notice until you were standing in front of the class that one of them was brown and the other navy blue, but thankfully both of those are safe colors because they are neutrals, plus none of the kids is paying any attention to you anyway so you could be naked or dressed like a clown and they wouldn't notice. In other words, being a teacher is bad, and if you do anything like drink and drive or kill a kid or something (both of which this field can make you want to do) you might have to pay a fine or something.
Sincerely,
Ms. Terps
P.S. I tried really hard with the run-on sentences. I think my punctuation might be too good though. Sorry!
Yeah, it's hard to be bad on purpose when you're a flipping genius.
Overall, though, I think your essay is outstanding. So, where in the downward spiral are you, Terps? I haven't made it to the alcohol in the coffee stage yet, but I am at the "leave on my lunchbreak to go shoot up the nicotine" stage....ha ha
I haven't made it to any of those yet, nor do I have on two different shoes, but it's the kind of thing I could actually imagine happening. Thankfully testing will be over in 10 minutes and then I will be free from 10:45-12:40. (I love it when my planning period butts up to lunch!) I'm so OVER educating the youth of America...
Speaking of scandalous stuff...What have you been up to lately??? I miss the baseball euphemisms. You need to go do something naughty ASAP! We're getting too boring up in here.
Friday, December 5, 2008
Snatchdotcom
Dear Terps,
I was just over at snatch dot com, and it seems we are needed over there. I'll do some work on it today. Can you do a post or two also?
Love, Confusia
Dear Confusia,
I just did a few more. Then I went back and read some old ones. Hehehehe!
Love, Terps
P.S. Why don't we add it to our genuis blogs we love list (of one)?
I was just over at snatch dot com, and it seems we are needed over there. I'll do some work on it today. Can you do a post or two also?
Love, Confusia
Dear Confusia,
I just did a few more. Then I went back and read some old ones. Hehehehe!
Love, Terps
P.S. Why don't we add it to our genuis blogs we love list (of one)?
Interesting Trivia
Hey Terps,
I was looking at the different tags we have for our blog posts, and I came up with this very interesting little factoid...
We have only four words that are used as tags TWICE on this blog. All other words are used only once as tags. So what are the four words we have used twice, you ask?
Booty Call
Freakshow
Grease
Belly up
What the hell kind of stuff do we talk about on this thing??? ha ha ha ha ha
btw... WHERE ARE YOU, TERPS??? Have your students finally taken over your classroom and feasted on your flesh??? Please contact me soon, or I'm calling DaThug!
Dearest Confusia,
So sorry I wasn't here Friday. Sadly, I had a workshop to attend. I also think I got food poisoning that afternoon as I spent most of the evening from 3 until midnight throwing up. In fact, they sent me home from the Warehouse because I had to go dry heave in the bathroom every 15 minutes or so. It was awesome. I loved it. I was MUCH better on Saturday, but then after eating dinner last night, the pukefest started again. Thankfully, we only have TWO WEEKS of school left so I have everything planned in such a way that the girls have to work, but I don't. Hopefully, I can concentrate on keeping this morning's Luna Bar down and, of course, blogging today.
More later!
Love, Terps
I was looking at the different tags we have for our blog posts, and I came up with this very interesting little factoid...
We have only four words that are used as tags TWICE on this blog. All other words are used only once as tags. So what are the four words we have used twice, you ask?
Booty Call
Freakshow
Grease
Belly up
What the hell kind of stuff do we talk about on this thing??? ha ha ha ha ha
btw... WHERE ARE YOU, TERPS??? Have your students finally taken over your classroom and feasted on your flesh??? Please contact me soon, or I'm calling DaThug!
Dearest Confusia,
So sorry I wasn't here Friday. Sadly, I had a workshop to attend. I also think I got food poisoning that afternoon as I spent most of the evening from 3 until midnight throwing up. In fact, they sent me home from the Warehouse because I had to go dry heave in the bathroom every 15 minutes or so. It was awesome. I loved it. I was MUCH better on Saturday, but then after eating dinner last night, the pukefest started again. Thankfully, we only have TWO WEEKS of school left so I have everything planned in such a way that the girls have to work, but I don't. Hopefully, I can concentrate on keeping this morning's Luna Bar down and, of course, blogging today.
More later!
Love, Terps
Wednesday, December 3, 2008
Oh, Fuck It...
Dear Terps,
I thought I might be able to come up with something to write other than that children are the spawn of Satan, which is something that we both already know. However, now that I'm trying to come up with the great idea du jour, I'm finding myself stymied. Oh wait, how about we do a list of things we hate...pet peeves and what not...This might be a good way to vent. My list won't be in order.
Things I hate: by Confusia
1. Seafood
2. Stupid people
a. Bush
b. Right wing pundits, etc.
3. Paying bills. When the fuck do you get to stop paying bills? Never! You have to die first. So you finally get rid of bills, but to do it, you have to stop breathing...
4. Dumbass kids who act like shit.
5. Not being able to do everything I want. While this is probably good for me in some way, I still don't have to like it.
6. Not going home to find Adrien Brody, or any other equally favored celebrity crush naked in my bed.
7. Not being a size 6. I'd settle for a size 9...
8. Not being rich.
9. Heaters and Air conditioners that don't work properly or in their appropriate season.
10. Wool sweaters or turtlenecks.
11. Bristle brushes. these all need to be consigned to the depths of hell ASAP!
12. fingernail files. Same reason as bristle brushes. I HATE the way they sound.
13. Laundry. I hate doing laundry. It's never fucking done. It's like bills. You get to stop when you die, or when you join the nudist colony, maybe...
14. Children who are independently wealthy without ever having to work a gd day in their lives. This is not fair. This is so unfair that it should be illegal.
That's about it for right now. There are alot more, but these irritating little shits right now must be supervised every second or they'll be gnawing on the desks...
Why can't you just tell them to shut the fuck up??? Just once!!!
I thought I might be able to come up with something to write other than that children are the spawn of Satan, which is something that we both already know. However, now that I'm trying to come up with the great idea du jour, I'm finding myself stymied. Oh wait, how about we do a list of things we hate...pet peeves and what not...This might be a good way to vent. My list won't be in order.
Things I hate: by Confusia
1. Seafood
2. Stupid people
a. Bush
b. Right wing pundits, etc.
3. Paying bills. When the fuck do you get to stop paying bills? Never! You have to die first. So you finally get rid of bills, but to do it, you have to stop breathing...
4. Dumbass kids who act like shit.
5. Not being able to do everything I want. While this is probably good for me in some way, I still don't have to like it.
6. Not going home to find Adrien Brody, or any other equally favored celebrity crush naked in my bed.
7. Not being a size 6. I'd settle for a size 9...
8. Not being rich.
9. Heaters and Air conditioners that don't work properly or in their appropriate season.
10. Wool sweaters or turtlenecks.
11. Bristle brushes. these all need to be consigned to the depths of hell ASAP!
12. fingernail files. Same reason as bristle brushes. I HATE the way they sound.
13. Laundry. I hate doing laundry. It's never fucking done. It's like bills. You get to stop when you die, or when you join the nudist colony, maybe...
14. Children who are independently wealthy without ever having to work a gd day in their lives. This is not fair. This is so unfair that it should be illegal.
That's about it for right now. There are alot more, but these irritating little shits right now must be supervised every second or they'll be gnawing on the desks...
Why can't you just tell them to shut the fuck up??? Just once!!!
Dearest Confusia,
I would say that this could be it's own blog, not just a blog entry, but here goes some of mine:
1. Cold weather....HATE IT! I never complain about how hot it gets in summer EVER, because I have found that it takes a lot longer to warm up than to cool off.
2. This idiotic work schedule in which the powers that be think we can actually accomplish anything between Thanksgiving and Christmas.
3. Traffic
4. Waking up to the sound of an alarm clock.
5. Wasting time to come up with interesting lessons and then the only reward you receive is someone saying, "Why do we have to do this?"
6. Scheduling time for my classes to go to the computer lab to work on a project TWO MONTHS ago and having another teacher ask me, "So, do you really need to be in the lab on Thursday? Because it'd really help me out if you'd let me use your time."
7. Having groups of adults from other schools come in and out of my classroom to "observe and respond" all fucking morning long.
(Is it obvious I'm having a lousy day at work? At least I have a workshop tomorrow and I'm off campus!!!!!)
Love ya,
Terps
Friday, November 21, 2008
What a way to end a week...
Dear Confusia,
I'm going to tell you this and then you aren't going to believe me. Then I'm going to assure you that I'm not making it up. Then you're going to laugh and point at me. Here goes. The 8th grade team took all the girls who were eligible to watch the movie Twilight this afternoon. Well, since I have a 6th grade class during 7th period, I asked if I could stay back so that I could teach my class and not try to find another teacher who would cover for me. Turns out that the trade off for staying here was that I had to cover another teacher's class during 8th period. So, I'm covering the dance class, and as the teacher didn't want to make me do anything too involved, guess what I'm getting to do with them. Right now, as I type this, I am watching the Lord of the Dance video. Yep, that's right. I know you're jealous. Try to contain it. What a way to end a week, eh?
As it turns out, I was out Tuesday, Wednesday, and Thursday for training and today is my first day back. I mean I guess it's nice that I only had to teach two periods today. That's a pretty easy way to slide back into the work week, but really???? This???
How has your week been? Have your heard from our record agent yet?
Love a,
Terps
That's pretty funny, Terps. When you first mentioned the Twilight movie, I thought the reason I was going to be pointing at you and laughing was because you were going to tell me you realized you were in love with the lead vampire teen. ha ha I could then have some vindication and snarky comments to make to get you back for all the Harry Potter taunts I've endured.
Alas, no.
However, you having to watch Lord of the Dance is ALMOST as funny, and probably just as painful as any "Huh huh...you love Edward Cullen."(in Butthead's voice) comments I could have made. It's just that, knowing your fondess for vampires (you know who I'm talking about) I thought "Just maybe..."ha ha ha
On another subject...I am THRILLED that today is the last day before Thanksgiving Break. When I leave this building today, I daresay that I will be doing some riverdance myself on my way out the door. Imagine me, arms stiff at my side, my feet and ankles kicking up with glee as I go down the hallway, and out the door. OMG> That is making me laugh. Seriously, tears are springing up!
I thought about taking Confusia Jr. to see Twilight tonight because I know she likes vampire stories. I'm torn because I also know that her attention seeking hysteria will probably cause her to start claiming to be a vampire, and so I will have on my hands for the next several weeks, a daughter who will ask for a coffin to sleep in, paint her face white, dye her hair jet black, try to grow extended canines, and ask me if she can pick her scabs so she can "feed". (BLURGH) ha ha ha I'm not sure if I'm up for that. If that's the case, she is for sure being sold on the black market, and I don't care who knows it. If not the black market, perhaps to the pharmaceutical companies so that they can do research on new medications to treat "vampirism". Imagine how much better this world would be if they could find a cure for all the people who think they're vampires! You want to know something crazy...I was bored at work the other day (I know...unbelievable) and I googled vampires, and I found this site where this dude (he goes by something idiotic like "whyte panther" claims to be a vampire, blah, blah, blah. His apparent girlfriend believes herself to be a "slayer". I mean, wtf? Is there not enough drama in the world for these people??? And why do they all have to give themselves ridiculous names like "Bloode Dymonde", etc. You ever meet one called just plain "Bob"? If you did, just wait till you saw him spell it, and you'd see, " BVQAHHB". STUPIDDE!!!!! So, yeah. I want a cure! I want a cure for "vampirism".
Whoa! Where'd that come from??/ ha ha ha Anyway, have a nice evening, and a lovely Thanksgiving week! If you get bored, Holla! ha ha
Love, Confusia
Wait! What do you mean you don't have to work o Monday and Tuesday?????
I'm going to tell you this and then you aren't going to believe me. Then I'm going to assure you that I'm not making it up. Then you're going to laugh and point at me. Here goes. The 8th grade team took all the girls who were eligible to watch the movie Twilight this afternoon. Well, since I have a 6th grade class during 7th period, I asked if I could stay back so that I could teach my class and not try to find another teacher who would cover for me. Turns out that the trade off for staying here was that I had to cover another teacher's class during 8th period. So, I'm covering the dance class, and as the teacher didn't want to make me do anything too involved, guess what I'm getting to do with them. Right now, as I type this, I am watching the Lord of the Dance video. Yep, that's right. I know you're jealous. Try to contain it. What a way to end a week, eh?
As it turns out, I was out Tuesday, Wednesday, and Thursday for training and today is my first day back. I mean I guess it's nice that I only had to teach two periods today. That's a pretty easy way to slide back into the work week, but really???? This???
How has your week been? Have your heard from our record agent yet?
Love a,
Terps
That's pretty funny, Terps. When you first mentioned the Twilight movie, I thought the reason I was going to be pointing at you and laughing was because you were going to tell me you realized you were in love with the lead vampire teen. ha ha I could then have some vindication and snarky comments to make to get you back for all the Harry Potter taunts I've endured.
Alas, no.
However, you having to watch Lord of the Dance is ALMOST as funny, and probably just as painful as any "Huh huh...you love Edward Cullen."(in Butthead's voice) comments I could have made. It's just that, knowing your fondess for vampires (you know who I'm talking about) I thought "Just maybe..."ha ha ha
On another subject...I am THRILLED that today is the last day before Thanksgiving Break. When I leave this building today, I daresay that I will be doing some riverdance myself on my way out the door. Imagine me, arms stiff at my side, my feet and ankles kicking up with glee as I go down the hallway, and out the door. OMG> That is making me laugh. Seriously, tears are springing up!
I thought about taking Confusia Jr. to see Twilight tonight because I know she likes vampire stories. I'm torn because I also know that her attention seeking hysteria will probably cause her to start claiming to be a vampire, and so I will have on my hands for the next several weeks, a daughter who will ask for a coffin to sleep in, paint her face white, dye her hair jet black, try to grow extended canines, and ask me if she can pick her scabs so she can "feed". (BLURGH) ha ha ha I'm not sure if I'm up for that. If that's the case, she is for sure being sold on the black market, and I don't care who knows it. If not the black market, perhaps to the pharmaceutical companies so that they can do research on new medications to treat "vampirism". Imagine how much better this world would be if they could find a cure for all the people who think they're vampires! You want to know something crazy...I was bored at work the other day (I know...unbelievable) and I googled vampires, and I found this site where this dude (he goes by something idiotic like "whyte panther" claims to be a vampire, blah, blah, blah. His apparent girlfriend believes herself to be a "slayer". I mean, wtf? Is there not enough drama in the world for these people??? And why do they all have to give themselves ridiculous names like "Bloode Dymonde", etc. You ever meet one called just plain "Bob"? If you did, just wait till you saw him spell it, and you'd see, " BVQAHHB". STUPIDDE!!!!! So, yeah. I want a cure! I want a cure for "vampirism".
Whoa! Where'd that come from??/ ha ha ha Anyway, have a nice evening, and a lovely Thanksgiving week! If you get bored, Holla! ha ha
Love, Confusia
Wait! What do you mean you don't have to work o Monday and Tuesday?????
Monday, November 17, 2008
Back to the Daily Grind (and a year older no less)
Dearest Confusia,
I want to start by saying it was so great to see you on Saturday. It's so nice to know that we still got it... But I don't have time to do all the debriefing about the weekend just yet so instead I just want to tell you just how badly I wish you were going to be here this Thursday. Remember that karaoke club we went to here a few years back? The one we made that cd at. Not the weird 24 hour yellow room one, but the ACTUAL club. Anyway, they are having a paintball karaoke competition this Thursday in which first place gets a $500 prize. Granted, the people that suck get shot at with paintballs, but still... Oh how I wish we could participate!
Ok, gotta run. Crap to do! UGH! More later!
Love ya, Terps
Dammit, Terps, how can you tell me this? I feel like doing whatever I can to be there. If the reaction we got there last time was any indication, we'd win the thing for sure.
For those of you not in the know, this was an AWESOME place where we were the GODDESSES of karaoke. I'm talking about girls coming up to me in the restroom and telling me that they wished they could hang out with us because we're so much fun. (Which just goes to show how little strangers really know about each other..ha ha) Still, the fact that they were wrong doesn't make it any less freaking cool that they loved us so much. Man, I wish I could make it down there Thursday, I really do.
For those of you who are bored enough to care about how the weekend karaoke drunkenness went, I can break it down for you like this:
1. Alot of drinking. I can't speak for what Terps had for sure, but I had the following:
Lemon Drop
Rum and Coke
Chocolate Cake shot
Rum and coke
Chocolate Cake shot (a whole new one)
Amaretto Sour
2. Terps fell victim to the five foot tall old drunk dude not once, but TWICE, (at last count)
Not only did he giver her a big slurpy kiss on the cheek, he also grabbed her ass. I fell victim
to him only once, when he gave me a big, slurpy kiss on the cheek and tried really hard to
move it around to my lips. My neck converted to solid steel, completely immobile in its
determination to keep him from getting to the front part of my face.
3. We were offered "studio time" by some guy with a beret and a bunch of bling. He thought
we were stars just waiting to happen. So he called his friend who's in the "music business"
so we could set up a time to "perform" for him, so we could be "signed" to a "label. "
Translations are as follows:
Studio Time: Time in the back of a van
Music Business: Amateur Pornography Business
Perform: Give blow jobs on camera
Signed: Sold
Label: Brothel in Bangkok
4. Worst part of the night: You know that sucky song by Kid Rock and Sheryl Crow? Now
imagine it being sung by the very drunken duo Hillbilly Bob and Patty LouAnn as they
gazed lovingly at, and couldn't keep their hands off each other. yep. Terps and I went for
another shot at this point.
BTW, Terps, did ya'll get into the freestyle rap battle with that guy after I left? I need to know what happened with that. Plus, I'm sure you were wondering, but I haven't heard from our friend with the beret and the bling.
I want to start by saying it was so great to see you on Saturday. It's so nice to know that we still got it... But I don't have time to do all the debriefing about the weekend just yet so instead I just want to tell you just how badly I wish you were going to be here this Thursday. Remember that karaoke club we went to here a few years back? The one we made that cd at. Not the weird 24 hour yellow room one, but the ACTUAL club. Anyway, they are having a paintball karaoke competition this Thursday in which first place gets a $500 prize. Granted, the people that suck get shot at with paintballs, but still... Oh how I wish we could participate!
Ok, gotta run. Crap to do! UGH! More later!
Love ya, Terps
Dammit, Terps, how can you tell me this? I feel like doing whatever I can to be there. If the reaction we got there last time was any indication, we'd win the thing for sure.
For those of you not in the know, this was an AWESOME place where we were the GODDESSES of karaoke. I'm talking about girls coming up to me in the restroom and telling me that they wished they could hang out with us because we're so much fun. (Which just goes to show how little strangers really know about each other..ha ha) Still, the fact that they were wrong doesn't make it any less freaking cool that they loved us so much. Man, I wish I could make it down there Thursday, I really do.
For those of you who are bored enough to care about how the weekend karaoke drunkenness went, I can break it down for you like this:
1. Alot of drinking. I can't speak for what Terps had for sure, but I had the following:
Lemon Drop
Rum and Coke
Chocolate Cake shot
Rum and coke
Chocolate Cake shot (a whole new one)
Amaretto Sour
2. Terps fell victim to the five foot tall old drunk dude not once, but TWICE, (at last count)
Not only did he giver her a big slurpy kiss on the cheek, he also grabbed her ass. I fell victim
to him only once, when he gave me a big, slurpy kiss on the cheek and tried really hard to
move it around to my lips. My neck converted to solid steel, completely immobile in its
determination to keep him from getting to the front part of my face.
3. We were offered "studio time" by some guy with a beret and a bunch of bling. He thought
we were stars just waiting to happen. So he called his friend who's in the "music business"
so we could set up a time to "perform" for him, so we could be "signed" to a "label. "
Translations are as follows:
Studio Time: Time in the back of a van
Music Business: Amateur Pornography Business
Perform: Give blow jobs on camera
Signed: Sold
Label: Brothel in Bangkok
4. Worst part of the night: You know that sucky song by Kid Rock and Sheryl Crow? Now
imagine it being sung by the very drunken duo Hillbilly Bob and Patty LouAnn as they
gazed lovingly at, and couldn't keep their hands off each other. yep. Terps and I went for
another shot at this point.
BTW, Terps, did ya'll get into the freestyle rap battle with that guy after I left? I need to know what happened with that. Plus, I'm sure you were wondering, but I haven't heard from our friend with the beret and the bling.
Friday, November 14, 2008
Hey You!
Dear Confusia,
Michelle says she hasn't been able to get in touch with you AND you didn't add to the "Things I plan to drink" list. Everything ok?
Terps (A year older and more wrinkley...)
P.S. I'm leaving school at noon today. Is it sad that I'm actually counting down???
Michelle says she hasn't been able to get in touch with you AND you didn't add to the "Things I plan to drink" list. Everything ok?
Terps (A year older and more wrinkley...)
P.S. I'm leaving school at noon today. Is it sad that I'm actually counting down???
Wednesday, November 12, 2008
Things I'm Looking Forward to Drinking on Saturday
Dearest Terps,
Since you were kind enough to share a list of things you plan to eat on Thanksgiving, I decided I would share a list of things I plan to drink on Saturday. Please add to it as you see fit.
Many Tito and tonics, unless they don't have Tito's (which will sadden me) which can be replaced with some other vodka
German chocolate cake shot
Mind Eraser
Random shot that we go to the bar and slur, "Can you make us something good?"
Please suggest others!
Well, I might have a Lemon Drop. It just sounds good to me. I'm sure I will also meet up with our good friend, the Captain at some point. I'm really excited because i have a babysitter who's willing to watch the kids all night if need be. Holy Shit, do I owe her bigtime!!!
That's awesome! I think we should be sure to make a toast to her! Oh, and have you had a Tuaca Lemon Drop? Yummy!
Since you were kind enough to share a list of things you plan to eat on Thanksgiving, I decided I would share a list of things I plan to drink on Saturday. Please add to it as you see fit.
Many Tito and tonics, unless they don't have Tito's (which will sadden me) which can be replaced with some other vodka
German chocolate cake shot
Mind Eraser
Random shot that we go to the bar and slur, "Can you make us something good?"
Please suggest others!
Well, I might have a Lemon Drop. It just sounds good to me. I'm sure I will also meet up with our good friend, the Captain at some point. I'm really excited because i have a babysitter who's willing to watch the kids all night if need be. Holy Shit, do I owe her bigtime!!!
That's awesome! I think we should be sure to make a toast to her! Oh, and have you had a Tuaca Lemon Drop? Yummy!
Monday, November 10, 2008
Things I'm Looking Forward to Eating on Thanksgiving
Dear Terps, Dearest Confusia,
Alright, it truly is this boring today. I was thinking, "Do I have anything to tell Terps today?"
and I answered myself, "Well, uh, it's a little chilly today....errrrrr......." Of course it's chilly there. My mom already sent me the "It's going to be cold this weekend so don't forget to bring warm clothes" email...
So I thought i'd make a little list instead. Knowing how much you, as a Vegan, love all that is Thanksgiving, feel free to add to the list. :) Thanksgiving....gag. I pretty much hate everything even remotely Thanksgiving cuisiney, so I shall give you my critique of the items on your list and then add what I will be eating on Thanksgiving day.
THINGS I CAN'T WAIT TO EAT ON THANKSGIVING:
1. Squash Casserole. This is the most important thing. I get to eat this once a year, and that day is only a few weeks away. I'm so happy! My dad does some actually brilliant stuff with squash, and we always try to get him to make enough for a battalion so that we can have it as leftovers for a week or so. It's all yummy, melty, squash, bell peppers, onion, cheese, cracker crumbles...I do't know what all is in it, and I'm sure it's a million gazillion calories, and I don't fucking care, because it is just that good. Once upon a time, long, long ago, before the thought of eating cheese gagged the nuts off me, I would eat squash casserole, but last Thanksgiving, when I was at my mom's just looking at it, it did something to me. I found it unwell to the eye. But I do have vague recollections of it being tasty. So very, very good. Just make it without cheese. (Did I just say that???) But it has butter and all kinds of other crap, oh and I don't cook so I wouldn't make it anyway...
2. Stuffing. I'm going to try to make some stuffing this year that is outstanding. Keep in mind that I always have these delusions of me as a master chef, and then when I burn the fuck out of everything, or it's all bland, or runny, or too much pepper, whatever...it breaks my heart. You'd think I'd learn. Anyway, I want to really try to get creative with some stuffing this year by adding some jalapenos and pecans. Last year my dad made oyster stuffing, and that's just not acceptable. He was forgiven only because of (see above) So, stuffing is moderately acceptable, but I am very suspicious of it for the most part because many a can of chicken stock has been hidden in it's cornbready goodness. Therefore, I avoid it.Well, this is easy to fix. All you have to do is make it with vegetable stock instead, and add a bunch of veggies to give it some exciting textures and tastes. Please see above about me cooking.
3. Pumpkin pie. Ambrosial nectar of the gods. I think I've mentioned this to you before, but I read an interesting study once that said that pumpkin pie scent was the number one aphrodisiac in the world. Seriously. They did studies on men and women, and the level of hormonal (sexual) activity in the, um, loins, was the highest when they smelled pumpkin pie. I believe this, and that's why I smear my body with a pumpkin pie every time we go out. Sure it may look funny, but it's POTENT! This explains SO much to me. Pumpkin pie, much like sex, repulses me. I find it the most disgusting of all the Thanksgiving staples. What if it's made of pumpkin pudding? (Oh wait...) The flavor and texture of it is so revolting.
4. Green Bean Casserole. This is the kind that has mushroom soup, and those little crunchy onions on top. I don't know why this isn't a staple at family dinners across America on a daily basis, but in our family, you get it once a year. We've learned to make the most of it. See, it's so funny to me to see that you like this. It's like you take a perfectly good green bean and then scar it for life. I think maybe I don't understand the concept of a casserole. Here, take these several cans of unrelated and inedible crap and dump it in an oven-safe dish and heat at 375 for an hour. I don't get it. Don't knock the casserole. Casseroles can be wonderful, comforting foods. Very tasty. Oh, please don't take it that I've never tried ye olde green bean casserole. I speak from experience.
5. Sweet Potatoes. In my family, we have two camps. One that says Sweet Potatoes are the best thing that ever happened to Thanksgiving, and the other that gags as the dish of SP are passed by them. I belong to the first group. Sweet Potatoes = Sex. Well, technically pumpkin pie equals sex, but sweet potatoes are a really slow, sensual make-out session that lasts for hours. I'd be a gagger. Again, I think it's no coincidence that I'm not a big fan of hours-long make-out sessions...What about when they have brown sugar and pecans in them? Uhm, let me consider it...NO!
6. Homemade rolls. I always joke that Thanksgiving dinner is never ready until my mom yells, "Oh God, The BREAD, the BREAD!" as she jumps out of her chair and lurches towards the oven.This happens either just before, or as the smoke alarm starts shrieking. Whatever. My mom makes some crescent rolls that are so good, you literally see family members hoarding them. Like, there goes Dad putting ten of them on his plate at one time because once they get around the table they might all be gone...ha ha People are tucking them into napkins and shit...It's embarrassing. This is usually the only thing at the Thanksgiving table I can eat, and that's because dear ol' mom takes pains to make sure to buy non-egg rolls and doesn't butter before baking.i belong to the "No Store Bought Rolls on Thanksgiving Club." As long as someone else gets stuck making them. You mean like the Pillsbury Dough Boy?
7. Buttermilk Pie. This is not as good as pumpkin pie, but this is the only way I know that I really am a Southern Girl. Buttermilk Pie (should be read in a ludicrously exaggerated Southern Belle accent) is so warm and buttery and sugary. Again with the million calories, but so worth it.
How is it that so much stuff in the world tastes like crap until you put it in a pie? Pumpkin isn't too great until it's a pie. Buttermilk is downright nasty, but stick it in a pie and you've got culinary gold! Interesting. So, upon reflection, I just hate pie. I hate all pies. I hate pie crust. Yuck!Honestly Terps, this is a no-brainer. Who eats pie crust? Not me. You just pick out the filling. The filling gags me as well. The idea of all of it. Even foods I love, like cherries are made disgusting by baking them in a pie.
Anyhow, that's what I've got for you today. If you stayed awake throught the entire post then you win a free tofurkey. Congratulations.
Tofurkey's not all it's cracked up to be, and let's be honest, it's not cracked up to be much. You're pulling my leg... Your vertible tofurkey leg!One more reason for me not to participate in the Thanksgiving celebration. In fact, since I'm heading up to visit the folks this weekend, I decided that I wouldn't be able to go for Thanksgiving. (Genuis!) So, what will I have for Thanksgiving this year? I'm guessing a couple of vodka and tonics (because I have to work at the bar that day) and then maybe a peanut butter sandwich when I get home. Bon Appetit!
Terps
Wednesday, November 5, 2008
WE DID IT!
Dear TERPS,
I am so excited that I lived to see the day that America would elect an African-American president.
More than that, I'M effing THRILLED that we have an end in sight to the past eight years!
Now get up here so we can get our drink on!!! ha ha ha
Love, Confusia
Dear Confusia,
I wish it was this weekend and not next weekend. I don't know if I can make it.
Love, Terps
I am so excited that I lived to see the day that America would elect an African-American president.
More than that, I'M effing THRILLED that we have an end in sight to the past eight years!
Now get up here so we can get our drink on!!! ha ha ha
Love, Confusia
Dear Confusia,
I wish it was this weekend and not next weekend. I don't know if I can make it.
Love, Terps
Thursday, October 30, 2008
Testing, Testing, 1, 2, 3
Dear Confusia,
How's it going over there? Has Halloween fever already struck your little lovelies? Our girls are doing fairly well, but tomorrow will probably be another thing altogether. They aren't allowed to wear costumes (sadly) but they can wear Halloween accessories which is very exciting to them because usually they are only allowed to wear one accessory a day (i.e. one bracelet, one necklace, one ring, etc.), but tomorrow it's no hold's bar. They can wear as many as they like, as big as they like. That should be fun. I conveniently decided to have six weeks exams in half of my classes to help keep it calm. In the other half, they are having dress rehearsals for their performances next week, so that'll be crazy no matter what I do.
So, do you have any big plans for Halloween? I did, but then they got shit-canned. We were all going to go out downtown (think Nazi Death March), but then two of the group ended up having to work and the other doesn't drink and that just doesn't seem like much fun. I guess instead I will pass out candy to trick-or-treaters while simultaneously holding Rhoda back from eating the smaller of the children in the packs. Halloween + Rhoda = Pain in theAss.
Of course, I could do for Halloween what I did last night. When I got home from work (which, btw was early because I had someone else take my last period class) I went straight to bed. My vertigo was completely out of control yesterday. I was almost afraid to drive. Not so much as to stay at school mind you, but still... Anyway, I slept from 5 to 9 without interruption, got up for about 30 minutes, went back to bed, and then slept until 4 this morning. And I STILL feel like ass right now. What gives? I totally want to break up with vertigo. He is no fun!
How long until lunch? I'm hungry. As I told you Sunday, I'm on the cereal for lunch diet. I find myself craving things like potato chips and guacamole and chips and vodka tonics all day long. This cereal for lunch may be a two week thing only. (It wouldn't even be that long, but I bought 2 boxes of cereal so it'll take me until next week to finish it.) Any bright ideas on what I should try next. I just need something simple that I can keep at school. I always forget to bring a lunch in the morning.
Ok, should at least go act like I care the kids are in the room.
Later!
Terps
Dear Terps,
Yes, the kids here are already apeshit, but what are you gonna do? Actually, today I only have four or five in ISS, so it's not bad. this morning's duty was a pain and a half, though. I can only look forward to Monday when all the kdis will be sugared up and throwing candy wrappers everywhere.
My Halloween plans are also not what I'd have them be. I'm going to take the kdis trick-or-treating, and then back home where I might have a glass of wine by the fireplace. I can't believe I'm writing this, but it makes me nostalgic for the good, old days of the Nazi Death March that we endured that fateful evening. Remember that dude I picked up that night? The one we thought was gay, and that I didn't have sex with? Yeah, I think he was gay. There are just no other explanations for why he would have turned down a tumble with the ample-thighed cheerleader I was that night...ha ha ha ha ha He slept beside me, but nothing happened. What rocked about it was that he bought breakfast for all three of us the next morning. Sweet. I didn't even have to get pimped out for it...ha ha ha You know he's probably stayed at home every Hall
oween night since just to make sure he doesn't have a repeat of that evening. We totally ruined Halloween for that guy forever. However, I'm sure there will be others to take his place as we age. As for me, I can't wait to be the "Ample-thighed, eighty year old cheerleader" for Halloween. ha ha ha Wait, actually I CAN wait for that.
How's it going over there? Has Halloween fever already struck your little lovelies? Our girls are doing fairly well, but tomorrow will probably be another thing altogether. They aren't allowed to wear costumes (sadly) but they can wear Halloween accessories which is very exciting to them because usually they are only allowed to wear one accessory a day (i.e. one bracelet, one necklace, one ring, etc.), but tomorrow it's no hold's bar. They can wear as many as they like, as big as they like. That should be fun. I conveniently decided to have six weeks exams in half of my classes to help keep it calm. In the other half, they are having dress rehearsals for their performances next week, so that'll be crazy no matter what I do.
So, do you have any big plans for Halloween? I did, but then they got shit-canned. We were all going to go out downtown (think Nazi Death March), but then two of the group ended up having to work and the other doesn't drink and that just doesn't seem like much fun. I guess instead I will pass out candy to trick-or-treaters while simultaneously holding Rhoda back from eating the smaller of the children in the packs. Halloween + Rhoda = Pain in theAss.
Of course, I could do for Halloween what I did last night. When I got home from work (which, btw was early because I had someone else take my last period class) I went straight to bed. My vertigo was completely out of control yesterday. I was almost afraid to drive. Not so much as to stay at school mind you, but still... Anyway, I slept from 5 to 9 without interruption, got up for about 30 minutes, went back to bed, and then slept until 4 this morning. And I STILL feel like ass right now. What gives? I totally want to break up with vertigo. He is no fun!
How long until lunch? I'm hungry. As I told you Sunday, I'm on the cereal for lunch diet. I find myself craving things like potato chips and guacamole and chips and vodka tonics all day long. This cereal for lunch may be a two week thing only. (It wouldn't even be that long, but I bought 2 boxes of cereal so it'll take me until next week to finish it.) Any bright ideas on what I should try next. I just need something simple that I can keep at school. I always forget to bring a lunch in the morning.
Ok, should at least go act like I care the kids are in the room.
Later!
Terps
Dear Terps,
Yes, the kids here are already apeshit, but what are you gonna do? Actually, today I only have four or five in ISS, so it's not bad. this morning's duty was a pain and a half, though. I can only look forward to Monday when all the kdis will be sugared up and throwing candy wrappers everywhere.
My Halloween plans are also not what I'd have them be. I'm going to take the kdis trick-or-treating, and then back home where I might have a glass of wine by the fireplace. I can't believe I'm writing this, but it makes me nostalgic for the good, old days of the Nazi Death March that we endured that fateful evening. Remember that dude I picked up that night? The one we thought was gay, and that I didn't have sex with? Yeah, I think he was gay. There are just no other explanations for why he would have turned down a tumble with the ample-thighed cheerleader I was that night...ha ha ha ha ha He slept beside me, but nothing happened. What rocked about it was that he bought breakfast for all three of us the next morning. Sweet. I didn't even have to get pimped out for it...ha ha ha You know he's probably stayed at home every Hall
oween night since just to make sure he doesn't have a repeat of that evening. We totally ruined Halloween for that guy forever. However, I'm sure there will be others to take his place as we age. As for me, I can't wait to be the "Ample-thighed, eighty year old cheerleader" for Halloween. ha ha ha Wait, actually I CAN wait for that.The picture is one I found on the web. Although i'm not (yet) in this picture, in all honesty, I applaud them for having fun in a society that tells us our bodies are never good enough.
Wednesday, October 29, 2008
Knowledge Is a BAD Thing!
Dear Confusia,
As I think you may know, I teach sex ed, er, women's health in one of my classes. Well, I have health educators from Planned Parenthood who come out and work on those classes with me. Our latest topic is Sexually Transmitted Infections. Imagine the fun. I have now convinced myself that I have EVERY infection listed in the brochure on my desk. Of course, I have none of the symptoms, but it says right here, in black and white, "Symptoms may not appear at all." That's me. I'm the symptomless sufferer of all known (and possibly some unknown STIs.) I've already explained to you in a pervious post of how because I bruise easily I have decided that I have HIV. Granted, I went and had a test that said I didn't, but tests can be false. Anyway, here are some of the other infections I've determined I have and my reasons for thinking so.
1. Chlamydia: is the MOST common baterial STI in America and about 3,000,000 Americans under the age of 25 get it yearly. I've been under the age of 25 for as long as I can remember, so I think that increases my chances.
2. Cytomegalovirus: symptoms include fatigue, fever, and general weakness. Do I feel warm to you? I think I feel warm. Oh Dear God! It goes on to say here that you can get it from kissing and touching. I'm going back into my bubble.
3. Gonorrhea: menstrual irregularities? Hell, that's my middle name!
4. Hepatitis: Oh wait. It says here that it causes a lack of appetite. I don't have this one.
5. Intestinal parasites: That expalains the bloating.
6. Scabies: I KNOW I have these. They come into my classroom everyday from 9:00 to 4:00.
7. Syphilis: I managed to skip the primary and secondary phases and rushed right into the latent phase. It goes on to say that if untreated, this can lead to death. I feel pretty confident I'm going to die one day. At least now I know the cause.
Your Very Sick Pal,
Herpesichore, er, Terpsichore
Dear Terps,
Well, I always knew you were a dirty girl...ha ha ha Seriously, allow me to add to this list.
Confusia's Diseases du Jour:
1. Pregnancy. I always think I'm pregnant. I know most people wouldn't consider this a disease, but I do, and God help us all, men can pass it to you in a heartbeat.
2. The ass polyps...These could be anything from flesh eating bacteria to genital warts.
3. Breast Cancer: Here's the thing: My boobs have lots of bumpy stuff. In fact, that's all that's in them is lumpy stuff. How the hell are you supposed to tell which lumps are alright, and which are lethal? I don't get this. I couldn't tell a gland, from a duct, from cellulose from a malignant tumor. God help me.
As I think you may know, I teach sex ed, er, women's health in one of my classes. Well, I have health educators from Planned Parenthood who come out and work on those classes with me. Our latest topic is Sexually Transmitted Infections. Imagine the fun. I have now convinced myself that I have EVERY infection listed in the brochure on my desk. Of course, I have none of the symptoms, but it says right here, in black and white, "Symptoms may not appear at all." That's me. I'm the symptomless sufferer of all known (and possibly some unknown STIs.) I've already explained to you in a pervious post of how because I bruise easily I have decided that I have HIV. Granted, I went and had a test that said I didn't, but tests can be false. Anyway, here are some of the other infections I've determined I have and my reasons for thinking so.
1. Chlamydia: is the MOST common baterial STI in America and about 3,000,000 Americans under the age of 25 get it yearly. I've been under the age of 25 for as long as I can remember, so I think that increases my chances.
2. Cytomegalovirus: symptoms include fatigue, fever, and general weakness. Do I feel warm to you? I think I feel warm. Oh Dear God! It goes on to say here that you can get it from kissing and touching. I'm going back into my bubble.
3. Gonorrhea: menstrual irregularities? Hell, that's my middle name!
4. Hepatitis: Oh wait. It says here that it causes a lack of appetite. I don't have this one.
5. Intestinal parasites: That expalains the bloating.
6. Scabies: I KNOW I have these. They come into my classroom everyday from 9:00 to 4:00.
7. Syphilis: I managed to skip the primary and secondary phases and rushed right into the latent phase. It goes on to say that if untreated, this can lead to death. I feel pretty confident I'm going to die one day. At least now I know the cause.
Your Very Sick Pal,
Herpesichore, er, Terpsichore
Dear Terps,
Well, I always knew you were a dirty girl...ha ha ha Seriously, allow me to add to this list.
Confusia's Diseases du Jour:
1. Pregnancy. I always think I'm pregnant. I know most people wouldn't consider this a disease, but I do, and God help us all, men can pass it to you in a heartbeat.
2. The ass polyps...These could be anything from flesh eating bacteria to genital warts.
3. Breast Cancer: Here's the thing: My boobs have lots of bumpy stuff. In fact, that's all that's in them is lumpy stuff. How the hell are you supposed to tell which lumps are alright, and which are lethal? I don't get this. I couldn't tell a gland, from a duct, from cellulose from a malignant tumor. God help me.
that's about it for right now. I'm having a fairly healthy day. :)
ASS POLYPS
Tuesday, October 28, 2008
OMG!
What do you mean it's only Tuesday?
Disgruntled,
Terps
Dear Terps,
Why does it seem that the week lasts so long, and the weekend is only a flash? I don't know. I imagine work has something to do with it, though...
Never fear, I have come to your rescue with a picture of something that will make you count your blessings. You only thought it was a bad week before...ha ha ha
You're welcome.
Why Confusia, you're such a giver. I can't believe how selfless you are. Thank you!
Disgruntled,
Terps
Dear Terps,
Why does it seem that the week lasts so long, and the weekend is only a flash? I don't know. I imagine work has something to do with it, though...
Never fear, I have come to your rescue with a picture of something that will make you count your blessings. You only thought it was a bad week before...ha ha ha
You're welcome.
Why Confusia, you're such a giver. I can't believe how selfless you are. Thank you!
Friday, October 24, 2008
Good Job, Us!
Dear Confusia,
We made it to Friday! Of course, I hate Fridays, but still it's WAY better for it to be Friday than for it to be Monday, si o no?
It is not even normal how badly I need a day off. I mean I'm REALLY in need of a mental health day. I would consider taking one next week, but we have our Shakespeare performances coming up and I guess I should be here to get the little darlings ready for that. Plus, I have a workshop for three days during the week after my birthday, and that just seems like a lot of time to be out. Granted, it's not fun nor is it a vacation of any kind, but it is getting a sub and being out of the class and all that junk.
I guess I can just dream about November 26th, Thanksgiving Break. Of course, I'm goning to try to pick up some shifts at the Warehouse that week to make a little extra cash, but...
I just counted it up and I have 33 work days left until Semester Vacation. Is it too early to be looking at that do you think?
I wish I was either an inventor who could make something that would make me millions of dollars so I'd never have to do a Monday-Friday, 8-5 job again OR a really hot stripper type who could snag herself a sugar daddy. I'm not too proud.
Speaking of hot stripper types, do you ever just wake up and decide that you are fatter and grosser and uglier than you ever realized before? That's me today. Today's the kind of day when I just completely disgust myself. Good times! Why do you think that is? Why do you think somedays we can be ok with ourselves and then other days we're just overwhelmed with disappointment? Perhaps if we figure that out, we'll unlock some hidden magic for the world?
Ok, must take some time during my planning period to go pick up a few items for my Halloween costume.
Love,
Terpsichore
Dear Terps,
Generally this occurs if I look too closely in the mirror when I am getting into the shower or bath. It is then that I think, "Wow. I truly am obese, and I need an epic Gastric Bypass the likes of which have never been seen before on the planet. It seems that I can fool myself most of the time, but every once in awhile the truth hits hard. I am always flabbergasted when you feel like this, though. If I had your body, I'd be downright dangerous! You wouldn't ever see me out of slutty clothes...ha ha ha I'm talking about hot pants, fishnets, and corsets. I'd go to the dang grocery story dressed like a Pussycat Doll. ha ha ha PTA meeting? Let me slip into a little bondage number...ha ha ha. I think this is why I DON'T have your body. God knows the world doesn't need me to be that way.
Kids are getting on my nerves REALLY badly this week. I'm talking about...I almost threw a tennis ball across my classroom yesterday in a fit of temper. They are PISSING ME OFF!!! I just don't have any friggin patience. I don't know if it's because I'm tired, or if it's because they're little bastards.
I am glad it's Friday. I'm leaving at 12:30 today to head towards San Antonio. I might stop by real quick for a visit if you're home. SURPRISE!!! Love you, Mwah! ha ha
Confusia
We made it to Friday! Of course, I hate Fridays, but still it's WAY better for it to be Friday than for it to be Monday, si o no?
It is not even normal how badly I need a day off. I mean I'm REALLY in need of a mental health day. I would consider taking one next week, but we have our Shakespeare performances coming up and I guess I should be here to get the little darlings ready for that. Plus, I have a workshop for three days during the week after my birthday, and that just seems like a lot of time to be out. Granted, it's not fun nor is it a vacation of any kind, but it is getting a sub and being out of the class and all that junk.
I guess I can just dream about November 26th, Thanksgiving Break. Of course, I'm goning to try to pick up some shifts at the Warehouse that week to make a little extra cash, but...
I just counted it up and I have 33 work days left until Semester Vacation. Is it too early to be looking at that do you think?
I wish I was either an inventor who could make something that would make me millions of dollars so I'd never have to do a Monday-Friday, 8-5 job again OR a really hot stripper type who could snag herself a sugar daddy. I'm not too proud.
Speaking of hot stripper types, do you ever just wake up and decide that you are fatter and grosser and uglier than you ever realized before? That's me today. Today's the kind of day when I just completely disgust myself. Good times! Why do you think that is? Why do you think somedays we can be ok with ourselves and then other days we're just overwhelmed with disappointment? Perhaps if we figure that out, we'll unlock some hidden magic for the world?
Ok, must take some time during my planning period to go pick up a few items for my Halloween costume.
Love,
Terpsichore
Dear Terps,
Generally this occurs if I look too closely in the mirror when I am getting into the shower or bath. It is then that I think, "Wow. I truly am obese, and I need an epic Gastric Bypass the likes of which have never been seen before on the planet. It seems that I can fool myself most of the time, but every once in awhile the truth hits hard. I am always flabbergasted when you feel like this, though. If I had your body, I'd be downright dangerous! You wouldn't ever see me out of slutty clothes...ha ha ha I'm talking about hot pants, fishnets, and corsets. I'd go to the dang grocery story dressed like a Pussycat Doll. ha ha ha PTA meeting? Let me slip into a little bondage number...ha ha ha. I think this is why I DON'T have your body. God knows the world doesn't need me to be that way.
Kids are getting on my nerves REALLY badly this week. I'm talking about...I almost threw a tennis ball across my classroom yesterday in a fit of temper. They are PISSING ME OFF!!! I just don't have any friggin patience. I don't know if it's because I'm tired, or if it's because they're little bastards.
I am glad it's Friday. I'm leaving at 12:30 today to head towards San Antonio. I might stop by real quick for a visit if you're home. SURPRISE!!! Love you, Mwah! ha ha
Confusia
Thursday, October 23, 2008
Confusia Gone Apeshit!!!
Dear Terps,
Welcome to my day. No seats left in In-House Suspension.
Confusia: From this point on, no one else ask to go to the bathroom or get a drink of water. You have now all gone, and so do not ask me again for the rest of the day.
Student A: Can I get a drink of water?
Confusia: Can I rip off your arms and beat you with the bloody stumps?
Welcome to my day. No seats left in In-House Suspension.
Confusia: From this point on, no one else ask to go to the bathroom or get a drink of water. You have now all gone, and so do not ask me again for the rest of the day.
Student A: Can I get a drink of water?
Confusia: Can I rip off your arms and beat you with the bloody stumps?
PS I found it really amusing to google the following: "Pictures of angry Kong"
I'm just sayin'.
I hate Shakespeare. Three hours a day of listening to it is MORE than enough for any person (except those a-holes that think they are so fucking literary and smart) but now I have to stay after school to help a girl learn her part. Ugh!
Wednesday, October 22, 2008
Not to Make You Jealous, But...
Dear Confusia,
I know you just went to the New Kids concert, and I don't want to tinkle on your parade. However, I think when I tell you where I'm going today you'll probably be just a bit envious. (Hence the reason I'm typing in green.)
I'm going to get my Well Woman's Exam today!!! Ha Ha! In your face!!!
So enough about that. Why haven't we talked about Halloween yet this year. You know how much I LOVE Halloween!!! Have I told you my costume yet? Well, I'll give you ONE tiny, little hint:
Any guesses?
Love,
Terps
Dear Confusia,
I can't believe you'd taunt me with the Well Woman Exam. Knowing that you get to have one today, and I don't makes me so depressed. How could you throw this in my face???
Well, since you bragged about this, check this out... I'm getting to clean the LITTER BOX today! YUP! How you like that?!? Plus, after that I have 3 loads of laundry to fold, 2 toilets to scrub, and a bunch of dirty dishes to wash. Jealous of you??? I think not!
I think Rosie the Riveter would be a GREAT costume! I have no idea what I'm going to be. Probably a bitter, old schoolteacher carrying around a bottle of rum...Oh wait, I dress up like that every day! ha ha
I know you just went to the New Kids concert, and I don't want to tinkle on your parade. However, I think when I tell you where I'm going today you'll probably be just a bit envious. (Hence the reason I'm typing in green.)
I'm going to get my Well Woman's Exam today!!! Ha Ha! In your face!!!
So enough about that. Why haven't we talked about Halloween yet this year. You know how much I LOVE Halloween!!! Have I told you my costume yet? Well, I'll give you ONE tiny, little hint:
Any guesses?
Love,
Terps
Dear Confusia,
I can't believe you'd taunt me with the Well Woman Exam. Knowing that you get to have one today, and I don't makes me so depressed. How could you throw this in my face???
Well, since you bragged about this, check this out... I'm getting to clean the LITTER BOX today! YUP! How you like that?!? Plus, after that I have 3 loads of laundry to fold, 2 toilets to scrub, and a bunch of dirty dishes to wash. Jealous of you??? I think not!
I think Rosie the Riveter would be a GREAT costume! I have no idea what I'm going to be. Probably a bitter, old schoolteacher carrying around a bottle of rum...Oh wait, I dress up like that every day! ha ha
Tuesday, October 21, 2008
Do the New Kids Dance...part 2!
This is most what he looked like that day, only without the b-ball court.
here, he is showing what i most wanted to get my filthy hands on...Dear Terps,
So to continue, I was there backstage with a mega 44 oz cup of rum and coke, doing my best to blend in. Keep in mind that while I was wearing all black like the other stage hands, I had a neckline that...well, do you remember the infamous J. Lo dress??? ha ha Needless to say, i was the only "stage hand" with cleavage...
I was hanging out for awhile (literally. ha ha) but then i decided to go down to this little bar thing where the meet and greet was going to be. i went in there, got a glass of wine. that was awesome because every other woman in that room paid 375 for their admission. i paid nothing.
The NK bodyguard was telling everyone the rules for the Meet and Greet, so I sat sipping my free wine. Then I got bored, so I left to go back out. That's when they all came walking out of the dressing room area. Donnie walked past me, looked at me, and I at him. I'm pretty sure he thought something like, "That's a weird looking stage hand!" ha ha He continued walking. I can't say I blame him at all because judging by the other stage hands (the real ones) I don't think they were big New Kids fans. At this point, if I had gone over to mingle with the girls from the radio winners' Meet and greet, I would have met him and gotten away with it. But I was foolish and proud. Plus, they were a bunch of really skinny women with huge boobs wearing spandex. Most of the radio winners looked like they meant business, if you know what I mean. I didn't want to look dowdy in comparison. that was my undoing...foolish pride. The other New Kids bodyguard asked me what I was doing there, and I didn't have a legit answer for him. He told me I couldn't be in the area. Whatever. So I got attention, and that's what I didn't need. He radioed someone else, and from that point on, i was marked. I went upstairs to get MC. We managed to talk the security guy upstairs into giving her a sticker, too. We got into the platinum club again, but after that, we were walking around. this time, they took our stickers, and escorted us out. ha ha ha ha ha
All I can tell you after that is I really regretted not grabbing Donnie's butt when I had the chance, because it was really nice. Of course, you and I both know I'm not the type to do that, but sometimes, I really wish I was. If I had, I might have made it to the bus...heh heh heh.
MC and I were ridiculously drunk. she was worse than me, though. She was more friendly than I've ever seen her! Hilarious! she was in the platinum bar doing the New Kids dance from their old video "The Right Stuff". I was laughing my ass off.
We had a good time at the concert. Our tickets were on the last row. Seriously. We could barely see, and all those women were screaming, so we could barely hear, either.
I don't know what it is about that Donnie Wahlberg. I'm telling you I just have the hots for that man.
It was funny when he walked by me. I guess I had enough rum in my system that I didn't act weird or anything. Just walking by he's just a guy, you know? He wasn't as energetic as I thought he would be, so the word that he was sick made alot of sense. It seems so strange that someone I fantasized about endlessly when i was seventeen could walk by me, and I'd just do a little, polite nod to him. That was it. I can say, though, that
I WAS TEN FEET AWAY FROM DONNIE!!!!! It makes me feel a little giddy.
So to continue, I was there backstage with a mega 44 oz cup of rum and coke, doing my best to blend in. Keep in mind that while I was wearing all black like the other stage hands, I had a neckline that...well, do you remember the infamous J. Lo dress??? ha ha Needless to say, i was the only "stage hand" with cleavage...
I was hanging out for awhile (literally. ha ha) but then i decided to go down to this little bar thing where the meet and greet was going to be. i went in there, got a glass of wine. that was awesome because every other woman in that room paid 375 for their admission. i paid nothing.
The NK bodyguard was telling everyone the rules for the Meet and Greet, so I sat sipping my free wine. Then I got bored, so I left to go back out. That's when they all came walking out of the dressing room area. Donnie walked past me, looked at me, and I at him. I'm pretty sure he thought something like, "That's a weird looking stage hand!" ha ha He continued walking. I can't say I blame him at all because judging by the other stage hands (the real ones) I don't think they were big New Kids fans. At this point, if I had gone over to mingle with the girls from the radio winners' Meet and greet, I would have met him and gotten away with it. But I was foolish and proud. Plus, they were a bunch of really skinny women with huge boobs wearing spandex. Most of the radio winners looked like they meant business, if you know what I mean. I didn't want to look dowdy in comparison. that was my undoing...foolish pride. The other New Kids bodyguard asked me what I was doing there, and I didn't have a legit answer for him. He told me I couldn't be in the area. Whatever. So I got attention, and that's what I didn't need. He radioed someone else, and from that point on, i was marked. I went upstairs to get MC. We managed to talk the security guy upstairs into giving her a sticker, too. We got into the platinum club again, but after that, we were walking around. this time, they took our stickers, and escorted us out. ha ha ha ha ha
All I can tell you after that is I really regretted not grabbing Donnie's butt when I had the chance, because it was really nice. Of course, you and I both know I'm not the type to do that, but sometimes, I really wish I was. If I had, I might have made it to the bus...heh heh heh.
MC and I were ridiculously drunk. she was worse than me, though. She was more friendly than I've ever seen her! Hilarious! she was in the platinum bar doing the New Kids dance from their old video "The Right Stuff". I was laughing my ass off.
We had a good time at the concert. Our tickets were on the last row. Seriously. We could barely see, and all those women were screaming, so we could barely hear, either.
I don't know what it is about that Donnie Wahlberg. I'm telling you I just have the hots for that man.
It was funny when he walked by me. I guess I had enough rum in my system that I didn't act weird or anything. Just walking by he's just a guy, you know? He wasn't as energetic as I thought he would be, so the word that he was sick made alot of sense. It seems so strange that someone I fantasized about endlessly when i was seventeen could walk by me, and I'd just do a little, polite nod to him. That was it. I can say, though, that
I WAS TEN FEET AWAY FROM DONNIE!!!!! It makes me feel a little giddy.
Let me add this in purple, Terps, because I couldn't figure out how to say this...now I'm going to add it.
Sometimes, when we like this celebrity or that one, all we ever see is pictures...on paper, on video, whatever. The thing that was so cool to me was I saw him not on paper. He's more real to me now, you know? I guess it's like when you spoke to Adam Duritz. You can verify that he exists... Confusia
PS Also, you know how when you do meet someone sometimes, they're not what you expected them to be? Either they're shorter (usually) or skinnier, or whatever. Donnie's not like that. He was exactly as I expected him to be. that was cool.
The End
Love, Confusia
The End
Love, Confusia
Monday, October 20, 2008
Confusia Does the New Kids Dance...
Dear Terps,
Sometimes, life is good. I feel that I have some props coming my way for some shit I pulled last night...Let me explain.
A couple of weeks ago, my sister and I decided to go to see the New Kids on the Block Reunion Tour in Dallas. I tried to get some cheap tix on e-bay, but some evil person outbid me in the last 12 seconds. My sis, who shall henceforth be referred to Miss Congeniality (MC for short) got some tickets for us. they were for the last row in the arena...I'm talking about, our seats were located in Ft. Worth kind of last row in the arena...
I decided I had to take action. Now, as you may or may not know, my sisters and I ended up being New Kids fans back in the day...18 years ago to be precise. We saw them in concert at Texas Stadium back then. Despite our best efforts, we didn't manage to meet a single one of them. This tour, though, Donnie, who is my favorite New Kid on the Block, has said that he will be "very accessible". If that's not a challenge, I don't know what is...ha ha I figured I'd try to find Donnie,in an attempt to score better tickets or backstage passes (also in an attempt to have wild monkey sex with him... ha ha). I got ready early, dropped the kids off at their babysitters, and headed for the arena. I got there at about 1 PM. I waited FOREVER at the employee entrance. At one point, this guy walked up pushing a baby stroller that had some gift bags in it. With him were two women, one a Hispanic lady walking a dog, and the other a blode woman carrying a blonde baby. I thought, "You know, Joe (of the New Kids) has a baby around that age. I wonder if that's his wife." The women had already walked in, but the guy with the gift bags was still outside the door. I said, "Are those the wives?" The dude, who I thought was like a PR guy or something, looked up at me, and I said, "OH! You..You're Joey." He said, "What? I'm Joey?" and just smiled, and walked in. I was laughing because I'm so dorky. So I ran in to Joe. Still looking for Donnie. Finally, at about 3:30, the guy working security at the employee entrance tells me and four other girls who have not gone off seeking greener pastures that he has five stickers that will get us backstage, and that he'll give them to us if we meet him in one of the parking lots at four. We did, and he gave us the stickers. That guy was really nice. I was still waiting for Rachel to arrive, so I decided to go ahead and see if the sticker worked. It did. I was backstage at New Kids on the Block. Donnie, where are you???
Friday, October 17, 2008
My Finger Hurts
Dear Confusia,
Last night, I woke up and my room was kind of stuffy. I decided, as it was nice outside, that I should just open the window and let some air in. Well, I hadn't opened my window since back in April probably, so when my half-asleep person tried to open it, the window was stuck. Well, in my attempt to pull it open, I managed to rip not one, but TWO of my fingernails off my fingers. It was stupendously awesome.
Now, I'm here at school, thankful for Bandaids, and wishing it was 3:55 in stead of 9:55. I'm not sure if today was the day that you were going to chaperone some sporting event or if yesterday was. I get to take the volleyball teams to a UT game tonight. I know you're jealous. At least once that's over, I am coaching free for at least 9 months. SWEET!!!
Michelle was supposed to come visit this weekend, but something came up and she isn't going to make it afterall. I kind of like the idea that I don't HAVE to get hussied up and go out this weekend. Does that mean I'm old?
Hope you have a great weekend!
Love ya,
Terps
Last Thursday I had to go on a field trip to TCU for a girls soccer game. It was swell. TCU lost. BYU won. I was starving. My story is told.
I'm sorry about your fingernails. That sucks. That feeling of your fingernails ripping gives me the heebie-jeebies worse than fingernails on a chalkboard. I can barely talk about it without feeling yucky-ness in my spine.
Confusia
Last night, I woke up and my room was kind of stuffy. I decided, as it was nice outside, that I should just open the window and let some air in. Well, I hadn't opened my window since back in April probably, so when my half-asleep person tried to open it, the window was stuck. Well, in my attempt to pull it open, I managed to rip not one, but TWO of my fingernails off my fingers. It was stupendously awesome.
Now, I'm here at school, thankful for Bandaids, and wishing it was 3:55 in stead of 9:55. I'm not sure if today was the day that you were going to chaperone some sporting event or if yesterday was. I get to take the volleyball teams to a UT game tonight. I know you're jealous. At least once that's over, I am coaching free for at least 9 months. SWEET!!!
Michelle was supposed to come visit this weekend, but something came up and she isn't going to make it afterall. I kind of like the idea that I don't HAVE to get hussied up and go out this weekend. Does that mean I'm old?
Hope you have a great weekend!
Love ya,
Terps
Last Thursday I had to go on a field trip to TCU for a girls soccer game. It was swell. TCU lost. BYU won. I was starving. My story is told.
I'm sorry about your fingernails. That sucks. That feeling of your fingernails ripping gives me the heebie-jeebies worse than fingernails on a chalkboard. I can barely talk about it without feeling yucky-ness in my spine.
Confusia
Tuesday, October 14, 2008
Who Says Public Education Needs Fixin'?
Dear Terps,
This was turned in to me on a sheet titled "Memories". I'm going to reprint it all word for word...
Terps, I give you The 6TH GRADE TEXAS STUDENT...(student's answers in red.)
1. I'll always remember a time I felt happy because some of the times I am happy, because as they say, ignorance is bliss, so come to think of it, I ALWAYS feel happy.
2. I'll always remember a time I felt sad because I don't no how to tie my shoes.
3. I'll always remember a time I felt afraid because Never in my life was I as scared as that time when Ms. B made me answer all these really hard questions without multiple choice options.
4. I'll always remember a time I felt left out because sometimz I get left out, like that time when my parents packed up and moved away and left me out of the plans.
5. I'll always remember a time i felt strong because always is a really strong maxi-pad brand and I like that.
6. I'll always remember a time I felt intelligent because some of the time when I'm in a room full of people with traumatic brain injuries and/or infants I seem pretty smart.
7. I'll always remember a time I felt successful because not all the time should you look at the fact that you can't do anything as being unsuccessful. For instance, if you are playing the role of "a bump on a log", being unable to accomplish anything is actually quite effective.
8. I'll always remember a time I felt frustrated because my sister (who is two-months old) scored higher than me on an IQ test.
9. I'll always remember a time I felt so angry because my cuzins told me I wasn't a good speller.
10. I'll always remember a time I felt so proud because I win something. It was really cool! I got to sit in the back of the police car and they had the sirens going and everything. It was really cool. I also liked it when they took me to that room and put my fingers in ink and pressed them on a piece of paper. It was neat-o!
Feel free to complete the sentences...ha ha ha (Not that I would ever try to score cheap laughs off of a student or anything...)
Love, Confusia
Enjoy!
Love ya, Terps
I laughed. Oh, how I laughed. Perhaps I'll answer them tomorrow! Oh wait, tomorrow I have to chaperone a field trip to a soccer game. It's sad that I'm actually excited about that simply because it beats having to put up with the daily BS I get in this classroom.
This was turned in to me on a sheet titled "Memories". I'm going to reprint it all word for word...
Terps, I give you The 6TH GRADE TEXAS STUDENT...(student's answers in red.)
1. I'll always remember a time I felt happy because some of the times I am happy, because as they say, ignorance is bliss, so come to think of it, I ALWAYS feel happy.
2. I'll always remember a time I felt sad because I don't no how to tie my shoes.
3. I'll always remember a time I felt afraid because Never in my life was I as scared as that time when Ms. B made me answer all these really hard questions without multiple choice options.
4. I'll always remember a time I felt left out because sometimz I get left out, like that time when my parents packed up and moved away and left me out of the plans.
5. I'll always remember a time i felt strong because always is a really strong maxi-pad brand and I like that.
6. I'll always remember a time I felt intelligent because some of the time when I'm in a room full of people with traumatic brain injuries and/or infants I seem pretty smart.
7. I'll always remember a time I felt successful because not all the time should you look at the fact that you can't do anything as being unsuccessful. For instance, if you are playing the role of "a bump on a log", being unable to accomplish anything is actually quite effective.
8. I'll always remember a time I felt frustrated because my sister (who is two-months old) scored higher than me on an IQ test.
9. I'll always remember a time I felt so angry because my cuzins told me I wasn't a good speller.
10. I'll always remember a time I felt so proud because I win something. It was really cool! I got to sit in the back of the police car and they had the sirens going and everything. It was really cool. I also liked it when they took me to that room and put my fingers in ink and pressed them on a piece of paper. It was neat-o!
Feel free to complete the sentences...ha ha ha (Not that I would ever try to score cheap laughs off of a student or anything...)
Love, Confusia
Enjoy!
Love ya, Terps
I laughed. Oh, how I laughed. Perhaps I'll answer them tomorrow! Oh wait, tomorrow I have to chaperone a field trip to a soccer game. It's sad that I'm actually excited about that simply because it beats having to put up with the daily BS I get in this classroom.
Friday, October 10, 2008
I Spy a Brilliant Blog!
Dear Confusia,
Have you checked out Does This Blog Make Us Look Fat?
It's AWESOME!
Have a great weekend!
Love,
Terps
Have you checked out Does This Blog Make Us Look Fat?
It's AWESOME!
Have a great weekend!
Love,
Terps
Thursday, October 9, 2008
Could Somebody Just Rip the Band-Aid Off???
Dear Confusia,
I chose to use green to write you in today as it is Spirit Day, and the colors blue, white, and black are enough to induce vomitting in me.
Few times in my teaching career have I been less excited to be at school. I just feel completely and totally BLAH! I should probably be teaching the girls right now, but my head is throbbing, and I feel like crap. Instead, I am letting them spend the rest of this class period making posters to hold up during this afternoon's pep rally. I hope one of the administrators comes down to see the kids making posters and me working on the blog. That'd be awesome. The thought of today makes me sick. We are attempting to have school (but the kids are not engaged) and then we have the dreaded pep rally and then we're having a tailgate party and then I have to get on a big yella and ride across town to coach a game. When I finally get home tonight, at 10:00, I should be in great shape. Looking forward to it, for sure.
How's your hell?
Terps
Dear Terps,
Welcome to Gangland. I got more gangstas in here than every GodFather movie put together. I don't get it. I don't understand why the gang problem is so much worse this year than last year. No granted, towards the end of last year it was bad, but it is just too soon in the year for us to be having this kind of constant crap. Starting last Friday, every day this week I've had kids in and out, waiting for parents to pick them up, and letters being sent home about alternative school assignments due to gang shit. I'm TIRED of it. So allow me to vent for just a moment.
If you are a little gang-banging wanna-be asshole, could you just go ahead and die? Seriously. I mean, you're gonna get killed eventually, so why not just skip all the years of you being a pain in the ass for everyone else? Look at it as time management. ALSO, just stay the hell away from kids. Stay the hell away from them. Oh yeah...and die. Thanks. Check it out, I'm even writing in equal opportunity gang colors so no one has to get defensive...
Okay, now I feel slightly better, but not totally better. I'm afraid that can only be managed by someone getting Adrien Brody and a a fucking tropical island here RIGHT FUCKING NOW!!!
Thank you, Confusia
I chose to use green to write you in today as it is Spirit Day, and the colors blue, white, and black are enough to induce vomitting in me.
Few times in my teaching career have I been less excited to be at school. I just feel completely and totally BLAH! I should probably be teaching the girls right now, but my head is throbbing, and I feel like crap. Instead, I am letting them spend the rest of this class period making posters to hold up during this afternoon's pep rally. I hope one of the administrators comes down to see the kids making posters and me working on the blog. That'd be awesome. The thought of today makes me sick. We are attempting to have school (but the kids are not engaged) and then we have the dreaded pep rally and then we're having a tailgate party and then I have to get on a big yella and ride across town to coach a game. When I finally get home tonight, at 10:00, I should be in great shape. Looking forward to it, for sure.
How's your hell?
Terps
Dear Terps,
Welcome to Gangland. I got more gangstas in here than every GodFather movie put together. I don't get it. I don't understand why the gang problem is so much worse this year than last year. No granted, towards the end of last year it was bad, but it is just too soon in the year for us to be having this kind of constant crap. Starting last Friday, every day this week I've had kids in and out, waiting for parents to pick them up, and letters being sent home about alternative school assignments due to gang shit. I'm TIRED of it. So allow me to vent for just a moment.
If you are a little gang-banging wanna-be asshole, could you just go ahead and die? Seriously. I mean, you're gonna get killed eventually, so why not just skip all the years of you being a pain in the ass for everyone else? Look at it as time management. ALSO, just stay the hell away from kids. Stay the hell away from them. Oh yeah...and die. Thanks. Check it out, I'm even writing in equal opportunity gang colors so no one has to get defensive...
Okay, now I feel slightly better, but not totally better. I'm afraid that can only be managed by someone getting Adrien Brody and a a fucking tropical island here RIGHT FUCKING NOW!!!
Thank you, Confusia
Tuesday, October 7, 2008
Homecoming Hell, Day Two: The "Fun" Continues
Dear Confusia,
How are you? Again I write to you wearing something completely ridiculous, god-awful in fact. Today is "Twin Day", so several teachers decided we'd wear the girls' basketball uniforms. There ended up being 8 of us. I'm not quite sure what that makes us, octuplets? John and Kate plus 8? Not sure, but now I have to walk around all day in this less-than-figure flattering ensemble. At least I was smart enough to remember my lunch today and have no reason to go out in public looking like this. Of course, I do have the health educators from Planned Parenthood coming in to do sex ed with the kids. That'll be fun.
Speaking of fun...you know how I get up at the ass-crack of dawn to go to the gym in the mornings? Well, imagine my joy when I got there at 5:30 and the a-hole who is supposed be there at 4:00 to open it hadn't shown yet. It was one of those, is it worth for me to drive back home now? Should I wait a few minutes and see if he shows? Where the hell is he? kind of moments. Turns out he never showed up, but several trainers (who had appointments with clients) did. Eventually they called a locksmith out who pretty much had to take the whole door off in order to get us in. I had just enough time to take a shower and leave to come to work. Really??? I wake up at 4:45 just so I can hang out in my car until 6:45??? That was good times.
I wish today was Friday? And I wish I had a vodka tonic right now? (Is 9:30 too early for that???)
Terps
Dear Terps,
At least I don't have to wear poodle skirts and b-ball uniforms to work. I hate those moments where things go wrong, and you're like, "Oh shit, what do I do? What do I DO???"
It's sad that we are such creatures of routine that we get thrown off so easily. It reminds me of that ant in the movie "A Bug's Life" He's carrying the piece of grain in a line, but a leaf falls and lands in front of him. He looks, then wails, "I'M LOOOOOSSSTTT!" Yep, that's how I feel...
I'M LOSSSSTTTTTT! ha ha
How are you? Again I write to you wearing something completely ridiculous, god-awful in fact. Today is "Twin Day", so several teachers decided we'd wear the girls' basketball uniforms. There ended up being 8 of us. I'm not quite sure what that makes us, octuplets? John and Kate plus 8? Not sure, but now I have to walk around all day in this less-than-figure flattering ensemble. At least I was smart enough to remember my lunch today and have no reason to go out in public looking like this. Of course, I do have the health educators from Planned Parenthood coming in to do sex ed with the kids. That'll be fun.
Speaking of fun...you know how I get up at the ass-crack of dawn to go to the gym in the mornings? Well, imagine my joy when I got there at 5:30 and the a-hole who is supposed be there at 4:00 to open it hadn't shown yet. It was one of those, is it worth for me to drive back home now? Should I wait a few minutes and see if he shows? Where the hell is he? kind of moments. Turns out he never showed up, but several trainers (who had appointments with clients) did. Eventually they called a locksmith out who pretty much had to take the whole door off in order to get us in. I had just enough time to take a shower and leave to come to work. Really??? I wake up at 4:45 just so I can hang out in my car until 6:45??? That was good times.
I wish today was Friday? And I wish I had a vodka tonic right now? (Is 9:30 too early for that???)
Terps
Dear Terps,
At least I don't have to wear poodle skirts and b-ball uniforms to work. I hate those moments where things go wrong, and you're like, "Oh shit, what do I do? What do I DO???"
It's sad that we are such creatures of routine that we get thrown off so easily. It reminds me of that ant in the movie "A Bug's Life" He's carrying the piece of grain in a line, but a leaf falls and lands in front of him. He looks, then wails, "I'M LOOOOOSSSTTT!" Yep, that's how I feel...
I'M LOSSSSTTTTTT! ha ha
Monday, October 6, 2008
Stupid Monday
Dearest Confusia,
How are you? I write to you from my desk in my classroom wearing a poodle skirt and Saddle Oxfords. I look and feel like a total moron. It is homecoming week and today is "Dress Like Your Favorite Decade". The Fifties is not my favorite decade, but Rachel had that skirt from the Halloween we went as the Pink Ladies, so I figured, what the hey. However, now that I have it on I feel like a complete douche bag. Really? I didn't decide to go as the 90s? I could be sitting here at my desk wearing jeans and a flannel shirt, (for all intents and purposes, my pjs) but no, instead I'm wearing a skirt complete with tulle and sequines. Fun! I think the best part of the experience thus far is this morning, I had to get dressed at the gym. I found myself trying to justify to the ladies in the locker room (women I never talk to) why it was that I was wearing a pink poodle skirt. In fact, as I was leaving the gym, I had an older woman come up to me and ask me where I got the skirt. She informed me that she's going to her 50 year high school reunion and wanted to dress like the times. I almost took it off and gave it to her right there. Only that I would have been clad in nothing but my underwear kept me from doing do. Just when I thought the humiliation of it would end as soon as I got to school, it dawned on me that I forgot to bring my lunch today. Now, I'll have to go out in public at lunchtime and get something or I could starve. Starving is always an option. Have I mentioned that I look like a total tool?
By the way, if I ever see tie-dye again, I might puke. I guess the 70s is an easy decade to dress like? Ugh!
How was your weekend?
Dear Terps,
My weekend was f-ing swell, let me tell you. Last week I tried to get my car inspected, but no sooner had I pulled up than the dude was like, "That won't pass. I can already tell you've got an exhaust leak. Take it to so-and so, and they can take a look at it for you." So I drove it to the other place he suggested, and the guy told me it sounded like a cracked exhaust manifold. He said he could weld it for me if I could go to this other garage and have them take it out. So off I went, only to discover that they wanted 200 bucks just to take the thing out. On to Plan B. I went to a junkyard and got an exhaust manifold for 75 bucks. I took it back to the house and started working on the car. I got the heat shield off, but the alternator was in the way, and my weak female arms couldn't get all the screws on the manifold off. I called my father-in-law, and he came over to help me. I told him that there weren't any cracks in the damn manifold. He saw it and agree with me. He put a five dollar gasket in there with the old manifold, and the car passed inspection yesterday. Now the junkyard won't take the other manifold back, so I'm stuck with the damn thing. I'm going to try to sell it and an old boat motor Alan's got as scrap metal, though.
The funniest thing about this is we both know I know shit about cars and how to fix them. I was covered in grease, and blisters, but I did save myself some money! Plus, I got to feel like Rosie the Riveter...ha ha I'm such a badass car mechanic!
When the hell are we retiring to our island again???
How are you? I write to you from my desk in my classroom wearing a poodle skirt and Saddle Oxfords. I look and feel like a total moron. It is homecoming week and today is "Dress Like Your Favorite Decade". The Fifties is not my favorite decade, but Rachel had that skirt from the Halloween we went as the Pink Ladies, so I figured, what the hey. However, now that I have it on I feel like a complete douche bag. Really? I didn't decide to go as the 90s? I could be sitting here at my desk wearing jeans and a flannel shirt, (for all intents and purposes, my pjs) but no, instead I'm wearing a skirt complete with tulle and sequines. Fun! I think the best part of the experience thus far is this morning, I had to get dressed at the gym. I found myself trying to justify to the ladies in the locker room (women I never talk to) why it was that I was wearing a pink poodle skirt. In fact, as I was leaving the gym, I had an older woman come up to me and ask me where I got the skirt. She informed me that she's going to her 50 year high school reunion and wanted to dress like the times. I almost took it off and gave it to her right there. Only that I would have been clad in nothing but my underwear kept me from doing do. Just when I thought the humiliation of it would end as soon as I got to school, it dawned on me that I forgot to bring my lunch today. Now, I'll have to go out in public at lunchtime and get something or I could starve. Starving is always an option. Have I mentioned that I look like a total tool?
By the way, if I ever see tie-dye again, I might puke. I guess the 70s is an easy decade to dress like? Ugh!
How was your weekend?
Dear Terps,
My weekend was f-ing swell, let me tell you. Last week I tried to get my car inspected, but no sooner had I pulled up than the dude was like, "That won't pass. I can already tell you've got an exhaust leak. Take it to so-and so, and they can take a look at it for you." So I drove it to the other place he suggested, and the guy told me it sounded like a cracked exhaust manifold. He said he could weld it for me if I could go to this other garage and have them take it out. So off I went, only to discover that they wanted 200 bucks just to take the thing out. On to Plan B. I went to a junkyard and got an exhaust manifold for 75 bucks. I took it back to the house and started working on the car. I got the heat shield off, but the alternator was in the way, and my weak female arms couldn't get all the screws on the manifold off. I called my father-in-law, and he came over to help me. I told him that there weren't any cracks in the damn manifold. He saw it and agree with me. He put a five dollar gasket in there with the old manifold, and the car passed inspection yesterday. Now the junkyard won't take the other manifold back, so I'm stuck with the damn thing. I'm going to try to sell it and an old boat motor Alan's got as scrap metal, though.
The funniest thing about this is we both know I know shit about cars and how to fix them. I was covered in grease, and blisters, but I did save myself some money! Plus, I got to feel like Rosie the Riveter...ha ha I'm such a badass car mechanic!
When the hell are we retiring to our island again???
Monday, September 29, 2008
Happy Fucking Friday.
Dear Terps,
This morning, we had a little to-do out on the playground which has ended in a "mass suspension". 24 kids suspended for three days. 2 kids going to alternative school...All due to gang related crap. What the hell.
Also, I'm going to have to vent about the VP debate for just a second. What the hell is wrong with Palin??? Is it me? Did you watch the debate? Here are a few of my thoughts on it:
A. What in the name of God does she think she's competing for? She was WINKING at the cameras. Really??? Winking at the cameras at a Vice presidential debate??? I was floored.
B. The shout-out to the third graders...What the hell??? "Hey, Yo Man, I just wanna give a shout-out to my homies watchin' this thang up in AK, you know what I'm sayin"?" Since when do potential VP's do shout-outs???
C. Three words...Nook-U-Ler.
D. At first, I was like, "Well, she actually seems a bit likeable." Then I remembered that she shoots animals from the air, that she fires people who disagree with her, that she thinks banning books is acceptable, and that she's a totally vicious, ambitious, so-called "barracuda, pitbull with lipstick" who is probably already looking for a way to slip poison to McCain, and I didn't think she was so likeable anymore.
BLURRRGGGHH.
She makes me want to hurl. Seriously.
On the other hand, I heart Joe Biden. I was struck by that moment when he began talking about his family and teared up. His sincerity all night made Palin's artificiality that much more glaring.
Okay. I'm done. Tell me again when our Beastlie Girl Reunion Tour is again because I need a fucking Rum and Coke. Oh yeah, and "I'll Want to Make That a Double"!
BEASTLIE GIRLS: You'll Want to Make That A Double 2008!!!
Dear Confusia,
I refuse to discuss the presidential election and in particular Palin because she makes my blood pressure rise. I have never found anything even remotely likeable about her. I find her deplorable in all possible ways. But , I'm not going to do that to myself. Not on Friday; not at 1:30 in the afternoon.
As for the reunion tour, I will be in town the weekend of the anniversary of my birth, so I'll be there November 14-16. I am going to a basketball game on that Friday, so Saturday would probably be the best date for the performance. Of course, our third member and I had a bit of a confrontation last night so I can't say with 100% conviction that she'll be going with me. I would tell you all the gory details of that, but it is a long, complicated, 14 months in the making story, and my vertigo is too bad for me to try to get into that now. That and the fact that I really should be teaching these 24 child bodies in the room. I just can't seem to get motivated today. I should work on that, being as how my day will last another 14+ hours. UGH!!!
How's the other situation?
Love ya,
Terps
This morning, we had a little to-do out on the playground which has ended in a "mass suspension". 24 kids suspended for three days. 2 kids going to alternative school...All due to gang related crap. What the hell.
Also, I'm going to have to vent about the VP debate for just a second. What the hell is wrong with Palin??? Is it me? Did you watch the debate? Here are a few of my thoughts on it:
A. What in the name of God does she think she's competing for? She was WINKING at the cameras. Really??? Winking at the cameras at a Vice presidential debate??? I was floored.
B. The shout-out to the third graders...What the hell??? "Hey, Yo Man, I just wanna give a shout-out to my homies watchin' this thang up in AK, you know what I'm sayin"?" Since when do potential VP's do shout-outs???
C. Three words...Nook-U-Ler.
D. At first, I was like, "Well, she actually seems a bit likeable." Then I remembered that she shoots animals from the air, that she fires people who disagree with her, that she thinks banning books is acceptable, and that she's a totally vicious, ambitious, so-called "barracuda, pitbull with lipstick" who is probably already looking for a way to slip poison to McCain, and I didn't think she was so likeable anymore.
BLURRRGGGHH.
She makes me want to hurl. Seriously.
On the other hand, I heart Joe Biden. I was struck by that moment when he began talking about his family and teared up. His sincerity all night made Palin's artificiality that much more glaring.
Okay. I'm done. Tell me again when our Beastlie Girl Reunion Tour is again because I need a fucking Rum and Coke. Oh yeah, and "I'll Want to Make That a Double"!
BEASTLIE GIRLS: You'll Want to Make That A Double 2008!!!
Dear Confusia,
I refuse to discuss the presidential election and in particular Palin because she makes my blood pressure rise. I have never found anything even remotely likeable about her. I find her deplorable in all possible ways. But , I'm not going to do that to myself. Not on Friday; not at 1:30 in the afternoon.
As for the reunion tour, I will be in town the weekend of the anniversary of my birth, so I'll be there November 14-16. I am going to a basketball game on that Friday, so Saturday would probably be the best date for the performance. Of course, our third member and I had a bit of a confrontation last night so I can't say with 100% conviction that she'll be going with me. I would tell you all the gory details of that, but it is a long, complicated, 14 months in the making story, and my vertigo is too bad for me to try to get into that now. That and the fact that I really should be teaching these 24 child bodies in the room. I just can't seem to get motivated today. I should work on that, being as how my day will last another 14+ hours. UGH!!!
How's the other situation?
Love ya,
Terps
Monday, September 22, 2008
Little Things That Keep Me Going
Dearest Confusia,
I'm really glad to hear about your dry erase board. I too got dry erase boards this year. I find that exciting because although I had chalk boards last year, they didn't erase worth a crap and I found that incredibly annoying. Plus everyone knows that the high you get from smelling dry erase markers is WAY better than chalk.
So, how was your weekend? Mine was ok. Not long enough (of course) and not restful enough, but I did wipe out the pockets of several people playing poker last night so I have no complaints.
Shoud we practice for the reunion tour?
Terps
Dear Terps,
I do like the dry erase markers, but I find myself coming up with excuses to use my Sharpie "Magnum". We're talking about an inch thick marker filled with Sharpie fumes...Plus, the word "Magnum"...Not quite as good as "Moist Towellette", but still pretty intoxicating. (Pun intended)
My weekend was ordered up by Satan himself. Destruction, heartache, night at my mom's house. I kept looking up at the skies expecting to see the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse bearing down on me. I have no doubt that all four of those flaming horses would have taken a crap on my head as they passed. Sweet.
I'm really glad to hear about your dry erase board. I too got dry erase boards this year. I find that exciting because although I had chalk boards last year, they didn't erase worth a crap and I found that incredibly annoying. Plus everyone knows that the high you get from smelling dry erase markers is WAY better than chalk.
So, how was your weekend? Mine was ok. Not long enough (of course) and not restful enough, but I did wipe out the pockets of several people playing poker last night so I have no complaints.
Shoud we practice for the reunion tour?
Terps
Dear Terps,
I do like the dry erase markers, but I find myself coming up with excuses to use my Sharpie "Magnum". We're talking about an inch thick marker filled with Sharpie fumes...Plus, the word "Magnum"...Not quite as good as "Moist Towellette", but still pretty intoxicating. (Pun intended)
My weekend was ordered up by Satan himself. Destruction, heartache, night at my mom's house. I kept looking up at the skies expecting to see the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse bearing down on me. I have no doubt that all four of those flaming horses would have taken a crap on my head as they passed. Sweet.
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