Wait! What do you mean it's Tuesday?

Dearest Confusia,

I just consulted my calendar to find that today is Tuesday. How can that be? How can it be that I have only worked one day this week? This must be some kind of mistake. Worse yet is that it is only 9:00 in the morning. Oh for the love...

We are giving benchmark tests today and tomorrow. There is that one part of me that thinks, "Ugh...really? We have to sit here in this room for three hours during which time I must do nothing but watch you children hunker in your seats and attempt to take a test?" Then, there is also that part of me that feels like I get a three hour break during which time I don't have to do anything but stare blankly at the students in my classroom. I don't have to try to entertain them, and I certainly don't have to (gasp!) teach them anything. Maybe it's not so bad. At least I was smart enough to bring a book to read. Between that and blogging, I should be able to fill the time. Then, this afternoon, instead of having 90 minute class periods, we only have 45 minutes. Maybe I can handle this.

So, I see that it's cold as nuts up in your neck of the woods. When I left my house at 5:20 this morning, it was 65 degrees outside, but by noon today, it is supposed to be down to 35 degrees. WTF? Oh how I hate the cold weather.

Love ya, Terps

Can the Week From Hell Finally End???

Dear Terps,
I'm slowly coming back. Now that everything's out in the open, I feel better able to handle it. I had a long talk with one of my sisters last night, and it helped alot.
Saturday, as you know, was not a fun day for me, either, but I'm okay, and have had very few side effects, and so have actually been quite lucky. I'm back at work today.
Yesterday I spent some time with my new friend, and found myself smiling despite all that's been going on, and that felt so good. I had a really good time, and I needed that so much.
I know there's still a way to go before all of this is resolved, but I'm beginning to feel functional again. That's a good feeling.
Love, Confusia

Dear Confusia,
I'm glad to hear that things are a little more "normal" for you. Also, I'm very glad that Saturday turned out ok. I have nothing much to report regarding my weekend. I just worked and did laundry. It was pretty much same ol' same ol' for me. I have a stack of papers to grade. Don't wanna do it. Cannot believe they actually expect us to work a full week. What? FIVE days? You gotta be kidding!
Love, Terps

Curious

Dear Confusia,
How are things going today? Any updates you can share?
Love, Terps

Teaching Through Mime

Dearest Confusia,
Not sure if you could tell from my voice this morning, but I feel like shit. In fact, I am only here today because I felt too crappy to bother writing sub plans. I figured I might as well suck it up and come to school. Plus, who wants to waste a day off sitting at home feeling like this??? As luck would have it, I'm giving a test in two of my classes, so that'll make it a little more bearable. Also, my classes this semester seem calmer than last, so that helps. Here in a few weeks they'll start taking them out to tutor for the almighty TAKS. Unfortunately, that'll be during my sex ed unit, and sadly some of the girls who need tutoring the most are also the girls who need sex ed the most. But I guess since sex ed isn't a TAKS tested thing... I mean, of life long importance, yes, but still.
I hope I continue to feel like death tomorrow. That'll be fun. I get to go to the Warehouse at 4:30 and work until 10. I guess I should consider myself lucky. At least I don't have to work the closing shift, but the reason I'm not working the closing shift is that I have to be back at school on Saturday for our Open House. Since our school is a "by application" school, we have to set apart a Saturday every year where parents and girls can come in and tour the school and get help with their applications and junk like that. So much for this being a four-day week. Maybe I should just start taking copious amounts of flu/cold/allergy medication and float through these next few days. Sounds promising.
How's life in In School Suspension?
Love, Terps
Dear Terps,
Remember when we talked on the phone this morning and I told you I was on my way to work? Why didn't you tell me to turn around, go back home, crawl into bed and pull the covers over my head? I mean, what's the problem?
I got to work, and at first, things seemed to be going pretty well. It wasn't freezing outside, etc. Then, I was standing with two of my co-workers doing morning duty, and we see a girl run up and plow into another girl. she knocked the girl flat on the ground and started punching her. I ran over as she began dragging the knocked down girl by the leg...At that point, I realize there is a mother involved also, yelling, "KICK HER ASS! KICK THAT BITCH'S ASS!" The three of us are trying to get the girls separated, and the mother looks like she's about to go for the girl, so I get in front of her and put up my arm to block her. Psycho gives me a look from hell, and kind of bucks up and says, "DON'T TOUCH ME!" I just gave her a disgusted look. WTF??? Grow up a little, you think??? We got the girls and the mother inside. The principal storms out and tells us to take all of the kids into the gym and hold them there. We do that, then the other two women and I have to go in and talk to the police officer. I hope they arrested that stupid bitch. Seriously. Yes, I have some hard feelings, but the woman made my job a nightmare this morning, and for that, she needs to pay. I'm not sure what happened with all of that, but it was a good time. As you know, shortly thereafter, I got a call from my daughter's Vice Principal who told me that Jr. got busted smoking with some girls behind the gym. She is suspended for three days. This is following the three day suspension from last week. I'm telling you...PUBLIC CANING!!! There is a place for it in our society. I'm convinced of it.
I don't know what's going on lately. I feel like the world is sort of spinning off it's fucking axis to be honest. At least for me it is...What's with all the DRAMA!?!?!?!? I'm thinking about having Jr. smoke up till she pukes tonight. Just thinking about it. Don't know if I'll do it, though. I'm rather leaning towards just taking her to a safe baby site, and dropping her off. Do they take teenagers you think?
Love, Confusia
Dear Confusia,
It's funny you say that about the safe baby site. We were talking about that in my class last semester and one of the girls said she had read about a dad who tried to drop off four kids (one of which was 15 I think) at a local fire department. Turns out they rewrote that law because of it. As sadistic and awful as it sounds, I kind of like the smoke until you puke thing. I mean, if she wants to smoke so fucking badly, maybe that experience will make her give it a second thought the next time she starts to light up. I think I'm a fan of aversion therapy. Once my brother ate an entire pineapple upside down cake in one sitting, and he can't even look at pineapple now without heaving. Might have some merit.
Being as how I have approximately 2% of my voice left today, I am ETERNALLY grateful for my girls being so well-behaved today. (Though I did warn them that I had less personality than I did voice so they should probably take that into consideration.)
Have I mentioned feeling like shit???
Terps

Letting You Know

I love you!

Dear Terps,
I know that I have some extremely tough days/weeks/months ahead. I'm not looking forward to them. I can say though, that I know that you love me, and I know you'll be there for me. I have no idea what's coming or what to expect, but please be ready for phone calls full of neuroses...The need to laugh at whatever possible will be of immense importance, and I will be relying on you for that, okay?
Love, Confusia

Dearest Confusia,
I know it would be a flat out lie to tell you I know what you are going through. I can not even begin to imagine. I'm sorry you're going to have to deal with this, and I wish there was something I could do to help you more than just saying I will be here for you every step of the way. I don't have much more to offer than an ear, a shoulder, a flask, but whatever I have that you might need will be yours. I'm hoping I can see you when I go to visit my mom in February. Regardless, call whenever you need anything.
Love, Terps

The Best Day EVER!!!!

Dear Terps,
I have more joy in my heart today than should be legal. Seriously, as crappy as this past week has been, this is one of the most beautiful days of my life.
NO MORE BUSH!!!!!!!!!!!
Let the congregation join me in praise!!!
Love, Confusia

Dear Confusia,
I wish that I could be excited right now, but sadly, I am so pissed off at a coworker that I am having to use all my energy to keep from hitting her in the face. I hate when people get to me like this, and she ALWAYS gets to me like this because I fucking hate her. That's most unfortunate as she and I are on the same team and there are only two of us in that team. It's swell.
Terps

See this little piece of machinery? Please avoid.

Dear Terps,

Above you will see a picture of an I.U.D., also known as a pregnancy enabler. As I mentioned to you earlier this week, mine apparently just...fell out. Disappeared into thin air. Vanished. I don't get this. It looks like a little crossbow that will shoot down any reproductive cells that get in it's way, and that's what it was supposed to do. A sort of "Zygote Invaders" video game plot, if you will. Instead, the damn thing fell out. How did I not notice this? I know the damn thing is tiny, but still, how did I not notice? I went to the doctor again yesterday (a different one) and he was shocked...SHOCKED! He said, "You are the first patient I've ever seen this happen to!" Yes, that's right. I am in that very special .0000000000000001 fucking percent. Aren't you jealous? I called the makers of this device and explained exactly how fourth dimensionally pissed I am about this. They were very sympathetic, offered to replace it free of charge. Yeah, because I want it to happen again, right? The doctor was a little smarter. He suggested, instead, a tubal ligation, which is EXACTLY what I intend to do. As long as co-pay isn't too much. He said since we don't know why this one came out, it would be kind of stupid to put another one in. So, income tax, hopefully only $100, will go this year to making me STERILE once and for all! It cannot happen too soon as far as I'm concerned.

The divorce is definitely on. I plan on filing early next week, and NOTHING will change my mind. I have come to the realization that I'd rather be married to marylin manson than him. He can fuck himself while simultaneously going to hell. That's how I feel.

Love, Confusia

Dearest Confusia,

I'm glad it's Friday too. Yes, the weather here is also cold, but the weekend looks promising.

So, you seem a little annoyed, and rightfully so. Have you contacted your insurance company about the co-pay for the procedure? I think that might be your best option. Let me know as you find out more about it. I actually did some Internet research and found that Mirena elpulsion happens more than you might realize. There were lots of women on message boards discussing it. Some of them were happy, however, because losing it had helped them with weight management. Of course, had they gotten pregnant, I guess there would be some weight gain...

Now, as for the divorce, clearly something more had happened to push you from serious consideration to filing next week. If you feel comfortable please share, if not here, via email.

Lastly, our new number one fan, Frank, is DYING to meet us. He insists that since we both live in Austin and you live only a few miles north (a few when you consider how many miles the Earth's circumference measures) you should come here for a "Meet Your Fan(s)" event. He has also recommended that we road trip it to Atlanta, but as I haven't been able to get you to Austin in over two years, I don't think Atlanta is doable in the near future. Plus, I hear rumor it 12 degrees there, so no thanks. Anyway, for Frank's sake, do you think you could plan a trip to Austin anytime in the near(ish) future?

I'm so glad we have a three day weekend!

Dear Terps,

If Frank feels he has the stomach for it, who am I to deny him the tremendously frightening experience of meeting us. (Frank, please, for your own sake, drink plenty, and put money aside for that retinal repair surgery you're going to need.) I will try to arrange a time soon when I can make it down. I haven't been for quite a while, it's true, and after this week from hell, I feel the need to either get out of town or have a lobotomy. Yes. It's been that good. I know I'm booked through next weekend. After that, I could probably plan something. Mid-February perhaps?? That way, we can plan a Valentine's Day rebellion. Burn Cupid in effigy, picket Hallmark, whatever we need to do.

Well, you are correct in that a few other things happened, but I don't know that I can really do them the justice they deserve. Suffice it to say, they are the final nail in the coffin of my marriage, or perhaps I should say a few more final nails...I just don't give a damn anymore. He has finally agreed and realized that there is no going back, so I can go ahead and file without fear that he will do anything bat shit crazy. That's good at least.

In the meantime, the VP needs my help in the office right now, so have to run. Will talk more later. Love, confusia

Dear Confusia,

Well, the upside is that it seems like you're coming for a visit! Yippee! Frank has no idea what he's in for!!!! (Insert wicked laughter here...) But when scheduling that, PLEASE remember that I will be up there the weekend of Valentine's because of my mom's surgery. Perhaps the weekend following that? Just let me know.

So, I wish I had more information about your divorce situation. I'm curious as to what's happened to cause you to know that he won't go bat shit crazy. Maybe you can call me if you get a chance this weekend.

I'm so glad it's Friday. I just wish it was an hour later. Here's hoping that your weekend is a good one.

Love ya, Terps

Dear Terps,

Could this work day get any longer? I want to do something fun tonight. I want to get drunk and silly. I want to pretend my life is perfect just for a little while. I have got to figure out something to do tonight if I possibly can.

Dear Confusia,

It's almost comical how fucking long this whole week has felt. It's too bad you can't just jump in your car and come down this weekend. I seem to remember an MLK weekend you came down once before. (Uhm, I kind of remember it.) Ah, those were the good old days... (SIGH!)

Attention Frank! (Not to be read by Confusia)

Dear Frank,
I have this great idea. I never seem to be able to get Confusia down to Austin for a visit. She always gives me some story about kids and responsibility and junk like that. So, I was thinking last night that if I got into cahoots with you and got her thinking that as the only person other than us that ever reads our blog, you are now our number one fan and are dying to meet us, that might motivate her to get her ass down here. You in???
Terps

Can't You See I'm Busy Here? Geeze!!!!!

Dearest Confusia,
You have got to be kidding me! When the bell rings at the end of class, there is a FIVE minute break before the next class starts. How in the world do I already have kids opening the door trying to get in when the bell rang one second ago? What kind of Star Trek related device did they use to get here at the exact moment that they should have been walking out of another class? Or is some other teacher letting their students out early for fear that she or he might kill someone if the kids hang around one second longer? I mean really? Come on!
So, I've been thinking about the "situation" that you shared with me via text this morning and was wondering if you have contacted the manufacturer of said device? Is there some way you could sue and then support me with your court winnings? Oh fuck! The little douche bags want me to teach them now. Ugh! More later!
Terps
Ah ok, I'm back. I forget how easy it is to get the 6th graders involved in working. They are still young and sweet (or at the very least, afraid) enough to actually work when you give them an assignment. Their assignment is to write a sonnet. That should take them awhile. We are on block schedule, and today is an A Day. A Days are always tough for me because I have 3 different preps. In fact, I spent twenty minutes during my off period preparing for my next class and then realized that I don't have that class until this afternoon. A very productive use of my time. Ugh!
Hhhhmmmm....what can I tell you about? Oh yes, my mom is having knee replacement surgery on February 10th. I'm going to spend that following weekend up there to help my dad out. I know that Michelle (she's staying there to help as well) and I will have to cut out of there as soon as she goes to bed to relieve the stress, so if you have some free time, we should get together. I realize one of those days is Valentine's Day, so you might already have plans for that, but maybe that Friday night. Just an idea. In fact, I should be good and ready to go out and have some fun then. I don't know if I told you this or not, but I have given up eating any sort of processed foods. I'm doing the all natural, whole grains only kind of stuff. I did, however, decide that special events would allow me to stray from that for a limited time. I've decided that the weekend I'm there constitutes a special event. In other words, I will be ready for some chips, tortillas, and guac! Oh, and some vodka....lots and lots of vodka.

Dysentery Hearts Confusia

Dear Terps,
My weekend was not so hot, although it was the weekend, so it does have that one little upside. I've decided to invest in the companies that make the following products: Pepto Bismol, Pepcid, Nexxium, and Captain Morgan. I swear, my stomach has not been right for two weeks straight. Do you think it might have something to do with stress? Hmm. No way! It would be totally freaking crazy to think that!
So Mr. Confusia was in town this weekend. On. My. Nerves. Finally, last night, I managed to say, "I'm leaning towards continuing on with the divorce." I explained to him that I have some very unfriendly feelings toward him, and that the anger and bitterness is making me feel sick. I told him that I needed my freedom so I could deal with it. I have no problems remaining friends, I just can't be married to him. It was the kind of fun that can only be had when things are as uncomfortable as possible. It went okay, though. I'd had enough of the weekend alternating between shitty comments and come-ons. I mean, not that putting me down isn't an excellent way to get me into bed, but...FUCK! Get REAL!!! He told me he was sorry, and that he's just sexually frustrated, to which I responded, "So? That doesn't give you the right to be an asshole to me." He agreed with me. Anyway, I'm just glad that I've got that off my chest now. Yes. I want a divorce.
Whew...
Confusia Jr. is also causing me major dysentery issues. I caught her smoking the other day. Today, she wore jeans to school even though she knows it's not allowed so she got two more days of In School Suspension. Honestly, I think they should just put up a cot in the ISS room and keep her there 24/7. She's heading that way anyway. My mom asked me today what I thought of maybe sending her to Romania to live with her Aunt Anna for awhile. She said not knowing the language would slow Jr. down a bit. I don't know what to think of this. Honestly, I think she and Anna are so much alike that they'd kill each other within the first 48 hours. I think a much better solution, therefore, would be to send ME to live in Romania for awhile.
Also on the kid front, the baby threw one of my shoes in the toilet last night. What the hell did I ever do to her? She looked up at me and smiled, "Look, Mom! Isn't that great? It's your SHOE!, and it's in the WATER!!!" More Pepto, more Tums, etc. Why is everyone always saying boys are so difficult? Mine is the sweetest little bunnykins ever! ha ha Actually, the baby makes me laugh alot, and she's very good, too, so can't gripe just because she doesn't understand that toilets are disgusting. To her, it's a little wishing well, of sorts.
I want to go home. I don't want to be at work today. Truly. I don't exactly know why...it's not terrible or anything. I just want to go home. Supposed to go out this weekend, so that gives me something to look forward to, and Friday is payday, but I still feel tired. I want to go home, crawl into my soft, warm bed, and read or sleep. Dysentery takes alot out of me.
Love, Confusia

Dear Confusia,

I would write a lot of interesting and witty stuff, but I'm a bit distracted being as how some 40 year old man wandered into our school today, made his way into my classroom while I was at lunch, and stole $66 from my purse. I mean I guess I should be elated that he didn't take my credit cards or identification, but Im still a bit.....uhm, bothered by it.

Terps

Are you serious? How did this guy get in? Why do they always find you??? Were other teachers missing stuff, too?

Yep, I'm serious, sadly. My school shares a building with the Professional Development Center. So, although we have all of these hoops you have to jump through to get into our side of the building, they clearly don't. Unfortunately, we are locked out of their side, but they aren't locked out of ours. Something to do with the fire code. So, he walked in on their side, came over to ours during lunchtime, and walked into 8 classes (or at least that's how many they could see from the cameras we have in our school.) We got $66 from me and $200 from another teacher (who had taken the cash out that morning to go pay some bills that afternoon.) It was neat. It's so much fun teaching for the rest of the afternoon when you feel totally violated. I love this job.

Is the Bell BROKEN?

Dear Confusia,

Is it just me or should school already be over by now. Why does it seem that the clock has stopped advancing? I'm pretty sure that it's been 3:50 for two hours now. At least it feels that way. I don't know why I want to leave so badly. I'm just going directly from here to the Warehouse. I have to be there at 4:30, but really. I swear. I think time has stopped. WTF???
Have a great weekend!
Terps

Updates on Confusia's Fucked Up Situation...

Dear Terps, (Terps replies in blue)
Just when I thought life was interesting enough, all kinds of weird things occur. So I told you about the person I work with from time to time, and how I had developed a sort of crush on him. I also told you I didn't think anything would come of it, etc. He's very smart, and funny, and younger than me (Geez, like that's something different.) So the last day before break, he gives me his phone number, and I barely manage to not do cartwheels, right? I did however, manage to give him my number,too. The Monday after we got out on break, I looked at my phone and realized that he'd texted me the day before. I texted him back, and we end up going to a Lebanese restaurant and hookah bar, where, for the first time in my life, I smoked a hookah. I felt like Byron, or (more appropriately) Coleridge, only it was just tobacco. Hookahs are surprisingly pleasant. This was flavored with watermelon, and was very sweet. (The thought of it kind of makes me wanna gag. I hate watermelon. But please, continue...) I had a really good time with my new friend. After the hookah, I went home. A few days later, he took me and the baby to an arcade type place where we played pool and several arcade games. Again, alot of fun...A few days after that, I went to his place and we drank raspberry ale, watched alot of episodes of Red Dwarf, went to lunch, etc. I always have such a good time with him.
Meanwhile, Mr. Confusia, who, as you know, I have been separated from for over three months now, is very unhappy. (Shocking!) He doesn't live with me any longer, and isn't sharing my room, either, and he thinks this is all because of my new friend. (Despite the fact that you've been separated for several months and this just started???) No. It has more to do with the fact that I'm just totally tired of his endless drama and being in and out of my life. Together for two and a half years, he left me and the kids FIVE times...including three days after we got married (That was probably very telling...) and the day after we brought the baby home from the hospital. (Oh, for the love...) Don't know if you know this, but the last time he left, he threw a food processor threw my car windshield (Oh...that explains the windshield tape when you stopped by my house that morning...) , smashed the aquarium that was in our living room thereby flooding living room and kitchen (46 gallons is alot of water), smashed my phone, etc. He has NOW decided that I am the only woman in the world who can make his life complete. (Or, you're the only one who ever put up with his shit.) He knows he messed up, and is changing, etc. (And I have some ocean-front property I'd like to sell you.) He even got a tattoo that stands for "forever" on his ring finger. (I just threw up a little bit.) It is driving me berserk!!!!!! I cannot put enough exclamation points behind that sentence! I feel that he is just being territorial, like, "Oh, some guy is moving in on my woman, and I've got to prove that I'm the one she chooses.", etc. I think that if he thought I would stand still long enough for him to urinate on me to prove his point, he probably would. (Some women like that. Maybe he should do some research.) I don't like this. I think it's a bunch of middle school crap. (Which I assume you see enough of Monday-Friday from 8-4???)
So, I've got this situation...I really like this person who I have a crush on, and I'm really tired of the situation with Mr. Confusia. I want to go ahead and pursue divorce, but here's where I would like your opinion, and those of anyone else who have the misfortune to read this post...Do you think I'm bored and pursuing someone else because it's a new thing? or do you think I have adequate reason for not wanting to continue my marriage? (Hhhhhmmmm...here's where I'm confused. Usually when there is an A or B question at hand, the two answers are like opposite sides of a coin. If what you were asking is do you think I should give up on my marriage in order to immediately marry this other guy or should I give my marriage another shot, I'd understand the question, but as it's stated here, I don't seem how these two things are contingent upon each other. I think the answer could be yes to both of those. Could you be pursuing someone else because it's new? Yes. Do you have adequate reason for not wanting to continue your marriage? Yes. It would be one thing if the only reason why you are considering a divorce is to date this guy. But to my knowledge you were considering divroce well before you knew if there would be anything to this relationship with the other guy. If I am incorrect, and you have only begun to consider divorce because this guy might like you, then you need to do some serious thinking. If you are considering a divorce because your marriage is dysfunctional and it's something you would be doing regardless of who was in your life, then you know what you need to do.) He is being alot nicer, taking his medicine, etc. I just really think that as soon as he thinks he's got me, he'll start the whole stupid possessiveness, the controlling, the mindgames, and all the other shit he does up again. (Old dog, new tricks. Unlikely.) Mr. Confusia thinks my choice is between him and the other person. I feel like my choice is between him and the freedom to be myself without fear of being retaliated against. What do you think? Confusia, who is named very appropriately lately.
PS. I forgot to mention that this new person is SO interesting to me. I nver know what he's going to say or do next. I feel like my brain is waking up after a long slumber. That feels so good to me. I would also like to say that he does have access to this blog, though I don't know if he reads it or not. That is why he is being referred to as "person" instead of by his name...to protect the innocent, you know. Did I mention that I really like him alot? (Uhm...if this is some kind of covert operation so that he won't know that you're talking about him, I think you failed. He probably knows that he's the one you went hookah smiking with, no? Or is this some sly way of you telling him you like him without coming right out and saying it? Hhhhhmmmmmm.....coy.)

But I Don't Wanna...

Be back at work. Why oh why, Dearest Confusia, do they make us work? Why can't I find a position as a woman of leisure? I can't quite decide if my situation is better because I teach only semester classes so it's like hitting rewind and play. Or if maybe my situation is worse because I have to do all the same shit with a new crew. Ugh! The truth is, I just don't want to work.
How was your holiday?
Terps