Lord, Please Bless This Extra-Strength Tylenol!

Okay, I'm not trying to turn this into a political blog or an "I heart Obama" blog, but I just found out something so incredibly and utterly brain dead that I am forced to put in my two cents.



There are people out there who genuinely have convinced themselves that Sen. Obama is the Anti-Christ.

I am floored. I am never speechless, but I have now come close to it.

If you believe this, please raise your right hand, and state, "I am an ASS CLOWN!" Sorry, Terps, I know this is your word, but nothing else fits.



I want to state, for the record, that I am not:

1. Atheist

2. Ignorant of the Bible

3. Black

4. African-American

5. Muslim

6. A Mason

7. Satanic

8. an Assclown



For the record, I am:

1. Christian. Yes, I know I just called you an Ass Clown. I asked myself what Jesus would do beforehand, and that's what I came up with.

2. White/Caucasian

3. Democrat

4. in possession of a Bible and its contents.



I would like to add that Sen. Obama had a chance just last night to eat my children (post entitled "Yes, I Did!") and did not do so. He did however, express concern for their safety, and asked people to stop pushing forward so as to keep my children from being crushed. Hardly the work of a Satanic Baby-Sacrificer.


Reasons Why Only an Assclown Would Think Obama is the Anti-Christ.

1. Senator Obama isn't named Damien which The Omen clearly states is going to be the Anti-Christ's name.



Okay, that one was just a joke. Here we go:

1. Just because someone has a message of hope doesn't make them evil. Jesus Himself brought a message of hope, or don't you remember that "Gospel" means "Good News"?

2. Alot of people liking someone doesn't make them evil. Even if it's Halle Berry offering to clean up trash for him. It just means that people are being inspired. Has it been so long that you've forgotten what a wonderful feeling that is?

3. If you honestly believe that's he's a Muslim Terrorist, nothing I say will convince you. You're just an idiot. Perhaps someday there will be a cure. In the meantime, go find a freakin' village.
I'm not slamming you for being a Christian. I'm slamming you for being dumb. No, you're not wiser than everyone else. No, you're not being persecuted. Drop the cross, someone needs the wood. YOU ARE JUST STUPID>That's it.

4. A message of unity...also not evil. In fact, the Christian faith itself could not have grown without people of different backgrounds, cultures, and beliefs working together. Or do only white, American, non-Jews(even the Messianic kind), non-Catholics, non-Mormons get to be Christian and talk about their Christian faith? Unity does not equal evil.

5. The last time I checked, taking care of the sick, the poor, the elderly, and ending the influence of big, powerful rich corrupt people were not on Satan's MySpace profile. Highly unlikely the anti-Christ would be all for these things. Yes, I know he's going to fool lots of people, he's going to talk about unity, he's going to rise to power swiftly. (btw, I wonder if Obama thinks his rise to power has been swift. Probably not, would be my guess.)

There are lots of other reasons why you're an assclown, but I don't have time to go into all of them. For those of the scarier ones who aren't just stupid, but violent and psychotic, too, who are talking about a Christian assassination of Senator Obama on their blogs...Both God the Father, and Jesus Christ spoke out against this. Thou shalt not kill. I pray for the safety of all the candidates. - Confusia

Finally...Oh, Wait!

Dear Confusia,

You might recall me telling you about the filmmaking class I have been teaching, yes? Well, thankfully, it ended today. We had all of the girls show their films and then a Q and A afterward. They were oh so very entertaining! Anyway, I was thankful today as I was putting everything away. I was thinking to myself about how we had survived the second worst module in the class when it dawned on me that the Shakespeare unit is next. DAMMIT! The only thing I can imagine worse than teaching 11 year olds to make films is teaching them to put on a play by good ol' Willie. I wonder if I could get away with just showing them Shakespeare in Love everyday?

Terpsichore
(BTW, Joseph Fiennes is HOT!!!!)

Yes, I DID! By Confusia

So I took the kids with me to the Convention Center last night to see Senator Obama. Never in my wildest dreams did I imagine I'd be shaking hands with him! AWESOME! It was me, the baby, my five year old son, my 12 yo daughter, and one of her friends from school. (Imagine the fun of taking four kids with you to a political rally. No, really IMAGINE it!) We stood in line for awhile, went through the very heavy security (Think Secret Service guys with their suits and earpieces.) and then ended up getting shuffled into the "overflow room". We were told that someone from Obama's campaign would come into the room to speak to everybody, and to walk over to this area where they had a little platform set up with some metal gates around it. So off I went with all my little ducklings to stand dutifully beside the gate. Someone mentioned that Obama himself might come in, and we were excited at that possibility. Well, eight o'clock hits, and in walks Barack Obama, covered in Secret Service guys. He gets up on the platform and says something which I don't hear because the crowd has gone wild, which has caused the baby to start screaming hysterically in my ear. Then, he gets off the platform, and starts walking around the gates shaking hands. The crowd immediately starts pushing forward and screaming. At that point, my son was mashed into the gate, I was trying to lift the baby up a little so that she wouldn't be crushed against me so much. I was also attempting to brace myself for a rumble with the people behind me in order to keep my kids from getting crushed. I looked at the Secret Service guys and said, "My kids are getting squashed!" They're like, "So? Do they have guns? Are they potential assassins? Then we don't care." Then Obama is in front of us, and he goes,"OH, YOU HAVE A BABY! ARE YOU ALRIGHT?" I reply, "NO, WE'RE GETTING SQUASHED!" He stands back for a second, raises his voice, and says, "PLEASE DON'T PUSH! THERE'S A BABY UP HERE!" Then he touched the baby's hand (who's still screaming hysterically.", shook hands with my (a little bit flatter than when we arrived) son, my twelve year old, and her friend from school who's snapping cell phone pictures like a tourist. It was a little scary, a lot exciting, and I'm very, very thrilled that my kids and I got to be a part of it.
How amazing to see history come alive, and get to shake hands with the first African-American to run for the office of President of the United States of America. All I could think was, "This is Martin Luther King Jr.'s dream becoming a reality."

Hell Hath No Fury

Dear Confusia,

I can't even begin to explain the rage I feel right now. Seriously! I know it's going to seem insane to you when I tell you why I'm so infuriated, but it wouldn't be the first time I have proven my neurosis on this blog, so here goes..

I had some guys (of course they were guys! OF COURSE THEY WERE STUPID, FUCKING GUYS!!!!!) that I know read snatchdotcom and the reviews they gave were as follows:

Douche Bag said, "Well, they are sort of funny. Nothing side hurting or anything, but funny." Really, JERK FACE???? Nothing side hurting? What if I punched you in the kidney? Would that be side hurting? I don't know if it would be side hurting, but I DO know it'd be fuckin' funny!

Assclown said, "taken one at a time they're funny but all together it gets a little boring. i mean, since i know the same person created each one, even though they are all amusing, i just wanted to say, "yeah, now what?" and there wasn't anything else to the site except more of the same...i don't think i'd keep going back for more."
Really, FUCKTARD? Since you KNOW the same person created each one...???? Really? Since you KNOW that? Guess what, Confusia. You and I are know the same person. I know this, because this TOOL KNOWS that the same person created each one.

Anyway, so back to the proof that I am crazy...I am so fucking angry at these two SCROTUM SCABS that I can't even see straight. Also, what they may have forgotten is that I know how to get access to pictures of each of them online...suffice to say that there just might be two new profiles on snatchdotcom very soon!!!

-Terps
You know, I think Regan is right. You did forget to include "douchebag" in the labels list.
Okay, I'm just going to be the voice of reason at this point because let's face it, it's rare that I get to be that. ha ha Not everyone has the same sense of humor, or indeed ANY sense of humor. These guys obviously don't share ours...oh well. I know I'm not going to lose any sleep over it...especially since I'm losing so much to the baby already. I haven't got any more sleep to lose. If I do, I'll just be awake 24/7, and no one wants to see that happen. Here's the deal...Since A. one of them asks, "Yeah, now what?" we need to give him an answer. and B. It's nothing side-hurting funny, anyway...We probably should go ahead and give them a profile. We can try our best to make it as funny as two humorless girls such as ourselves can manage. Perhaps then, they'll see just how hilarious it is. BUT! I think a better solution would just be to go egg their house. What do you say? -Confusia
P.S. Whoops. I forgot that we have a far more powerful weapon at our disposal. Maybe it's time for them to receive a visit from "DaThug."

Also, I want to add after looking at the site again for a second. It definitely is not "seen one, seen 'em all". I mean, each picture is so different! We've got everything from a mime, to a trekkie, to a guy naked from the waist down with his junk covered up by the seven foot long catfish he's squeezing! No two pictures are alike, which means no two profiles are alike. I'm a firm believer in to each his own, but I would have to say that these guys' comments are a little screwy.

Yes, We Can!

Dear Terps,
As you know, election year is like my year long Superbowl. I am so hyped because tonight, I'm taking the family out for a little political rally action with my man, Senator Obama. I can't wait to go home, put on my "Impeach Bush Now" t-shirt, make a little t-shirt for the baby that says, "Democrats Do It Better...Here's Proof.", create a few signs for the kids to parade around with, and head up to the Ft. Worth Convention Center to hear Obama speak. Citizenship in action! That's me! What bugs me is that I'd asked permission to take two of the kids from the school who are really excited to see an African American running for President, but I was told I couldn't do it. Due to the dangers of transporting students, putting myself in a situation where I could possible end up being accused of something trashy, etc. It's such a shame that kids and parents who accuse innocent teachers of wrong-doing so they can sue school districts, and pedophile teachers have created an environment of fear that prohibits us from offering fantastic opportunities to kids who will not have these experiences otherwise. I'm really hoping the kids' parents will take them to the rally since I can't. It would be great for these two boys to get inspired to do well in school and stay out of trouble. I'm going to try and get some pictures from the rally for them just in case, and I know I'll still enjoy going. Confusia Jr. is really excited about it. That makes me feel good as a mom. Of course, she may just be thinking, "If I'm at this stupid rally thing, I won't have to stay in my room tonight, so it'll be a day less of being grounded. Score!" Little does she know that her evil mother has already planned on giving her a make-up day of grounding! heh heh heh.
Love, Confusia

My Daily Schedule (A and B)

Dear Confusia,

Since you shared with me the misery that is your day, I thought I would share with you the misery that is my day also. It's so sad that my life hasn't panned out to be the rock and roll crash and burn cool fest I thought it would be.

4:48 Hit snooze button exactly three times thereby getting out of bed at precisely 5:15. (Yes, I am anal retentive.)
5:15-5:30 Do all those little things I have to do (like brush teeth and put on clothes) before I can leave the house
5:30 Get in car and drive to gym while listening to motivating music, usually the Pixies
5:45 Arrive at gym and put crap in locker
5:50-7:15 Work out
7:15-7:45 Shower and get ready for work. (Yes, I do this at the gym, despite my terrible OCD)
7:45 Get in car and drive to work while listening to NPR
7:55 Arrive at work, sit in car and collect thoughts, consider going home and going back to bed, walk into school
8:10 Morning duty; this is the time that I stand in the hallway, coffee cup and Luna Bar in hand, nodding at all the students as they come in
8:25 This is the official start of the school day; my advisory class comes in and asks me ridiculous questions like, "Can I call you mom?" and "Why don't you have any kids?"
9:00-10:30 A Days: Planning period (i.e. surf the net) B Days: Humanities Class (teach exciting things such as Shakespeare and art history)
10:35-12:05 A Days: Inclusion support in 6th grade social studies class...honk shoo B Days: Language Arts Learning Lab (i.e. surf the net)
12:10-2:15 A Days: First half of time spent doing Inclusion support in 7th grade math, lunch, then end period doing Inclusion support in 6th grade science B Day: Planning period (see above)
2:20-3:50 A Days: First half of time spent doing Inclusion support in 6th grade math; second half of class spent doing support in 7th grade social studies B Days: first half spent doing Inclusion support in 6th grade science; second half doing support in 7th grade Science
3:50 Thank the powers that be that I survived another one

There are the two days a week that I get to do Homework Help (aka Homework Hell) until 5:30 AND always the Monday afternoon faculty meeting that last until 6:30!

I'm a regular little rock star!

Man, Terps, we're pretty lame. No wonder we have such fantastic fantasy lives!

Snatchdotcom

Please go view. Let me know what you think...
-Terps

For anyone out there who might read this blog, please check out our new "Personals" blog...www.snatchdotcom.blogspot.com

Please enjoy, and let us know what you think! - Confusia

Snatchdotcom...the dating site for "them."

Is it inappropriate for me to say I think it's brilliant?