How to "Accidentally" Punch Someone In the Face...

Dear Terps,
I just had a kid come to me who, besides being a total pain in the ass on his good days, just "accidentally" punched someone in the face. Now, always having an eye for new techniques, I'm having him write a how-to essay. I feel that this will be a beneficial skill to add to my repertoire. I will share the information with you when he turns it in, so that you can also benefit from his super (albeit accidental) ninja skills.
In the meantime, I will tell you how my week is going. Not that it isn't intensely boring, but rather because it IS so intensely boring, and I don't have anything else to do currently...Last Friday I went out with Friend. He took me to dinner, and then back to his apt. for a movie, Whtie Russians, etc. It was alot of fun, and I laughed alot. Saturday I really didn't do anything. Sunday I went to church, and cleaned house. Monday, nothing. Tuesday I had dinner with the kids and my dad and step-mother. See? I bet you can't handle all the excitement already! Tonight, probably nothing much again. Oh no, wait...I'm going to turn in some movies to Blockbuster. A little heads up- I wouldn't recommend watching the movie Max Payne. It's best feature is that it's truthfully named. Tomorrow I am going to see a counselor, which I believe will be greatly beneficial for me. I'm glad about it because there's alot I need to talk about with someone who knows what the hell they're doing, and hopefully it will be a big help. I mean, talking to myself just doesn't have quite the same healing capacity I'm pretty sure...
Alrighty, here we go...not quite what I asked for, but what else is new...
"How to Accidentally Punch Someone in the Face"
by Anonymous Super Accidental Ninja Kid
I puct him in thz fazc for a pin and i got thz pinagen and hz told thz t.c. and i got to (Principal)
offiss and hz got mad at mz and hz yalld at me and got intrbul by (Principal) thrzd porzdy.

For those who don't speak Effing Gibberish, this translates loosely to the following:
I punched him in the face for a pen, and I got the pen again, and he told the teacher and I got to the Principal's office and he got mad at me and he yelled at me and I got in trouble by the Principal. I am now being sent to alternative school.

It never ceases to amaze me how many kids there are who think the word "and" is the same damn thing as a period. Fear for the future of humanity...
Love, Confusia