As I think you may know, I teach sex ed, er, women's health in one of my classes. Well, I have health educators from Planned Parenthood who come out and work on those classes with me. Our latest topic is Sexually Transmitted Infections. Imagine the fun. I have now convinced myself that I have EVERY infection listed in the brochure on my desk. Of course, I have none of the symptoms, but it says right here, in black and white, "Symptoms may not appear at all." That's me. I'm the symptomless sufferer of all known (and possibly some unknown STIs.) I've already explained to you in a pervious post of how because I bruise easily I have decided that I have HIV. Granted, I went and had a test that said I didn't, but tests can be false. Anyway, here are some of the other infections I've determined I have and my reasons for thinking so.
1. Chlamydia: is the MOST common baterial STI in America and about 3,000,000 Americans under the age of 25 get it yearly. I've been under the age of 25 for as long as I can remember, so I think that increases my chances.
2. Cytomegalovirus: symptoms include fatigue, fever, and general weakness. Do I feel warm to you? I think I feel warm. Oh Dear God! It goes on to say here that you can get it from kissing and touching. I'm going back into my bubble.
3. Gonorrhea: menstrual irregularities? Hell, that's my middle name!
4. Hepatitis: Oh wait. It says here that it causes a lack of appetite. I don't have this one.
5. Intestinal parasites: That expalains the bloating.
6. Scabies: I KNOW I have these. They come into my classroom everyday from 9:00 to 4:00.
7. Syphilis: I managed to skip the primary and secondary phases and rushed right into the latent phase. It goes on to say that if untreated, this can lead to death. I feel pretty confident I'm going to die one day. At least now I know the cause.
Your Very Sick Pal,
Herpesichore, er, Terpsichore
Dear Terps,
Well, I always knew you were a dirty girl...ha ha ha Seriously, allow me to add to this list.
Confusia's Diseases du Jour:
1. Pregnancy. I always think I'm pregnant. I know most people wouldn't consider this a disease, but I do, and God help us all, men can pass it to you in a heartbeat.
2. The ass polyps...These could be anything from flesh eating bacteria to genital warts.
3. Breast Cancer: Here's the thing: My boobs have lots of bumpy stuff. In fact, that's all that's in them is lumpy stuff. How the hell are you supposed to tell which lumps are alright, and which are lethal? I don't get this. I couldn't tell a gland, from a duct, from cellulose from a malignant tumor. God help me.
that's about it for right now. I'm having a fairly healthy day. :)
ASS POLYPS
1 comment:
My friend had scabies. She wouldn't let me see them. She said they were gross. I did not give them to her.
I'm thankful that most of this shit wasn't so rampant back when I was catting around (and not wearing condoms -- no one did).
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