A Little Something to Crack Myself Up...

Before my friend Terps and I end up in a fistfight, let me say that this will be my last political post for awhile, and even this is meant to be more of an amusement.

I received the following e-mail from the Obama campaign this morning, and was in the process of forwarding it to friends and family, when I noticed something I thought was mildly amusing...the use of first names. Well, as one of the things I enjoy is taking mildly amusing things and turning them into things that are absolutely ridiculous, I decided to take some liberties with this e-mail. I decided to treat it as though it was sent to me personally from Sen. Obama himself, and ONLY to me. So, here is the letter in its entirety with my responses to Obama in orange.

Confusia, (this is substituted by me for my real name.)
We may not know the final oucome of today's voting until morning, but the results so far make one thing clear. We didn't do so well.

When the dust settles from today's contests, Cough we will maintain our substantial lead in delegates. Yes, Barack. We will have world domination!! And thanks to millions of people standing for change, we will keep adding delegates and capture the Democratic nomination. I've already sent the checks to the appropriate super delegates as per your instructions.

We knew from the day we began this journey that the road would be long. And we knew what we were up against. On the contrary, Barack, you just promised me all the pizza I could eat, and free babysitting on the campaign bus. What's up?

We knew that the closer we got to the change we seek, the more we'd see of the politics we're trying to end--Didn't we though? I remember the exact conversation we had about this..."Confusia," you said to me, "The closer we get to the change we seek, the more we're going to see of the politics we're trying to end." You were so right. the attacks and distortions that try to distract us from the issues that matter to people's lives, Like why no pizza places deliver after midnight...stunts and the tactics that ask us to fear instead of hope. Hillary put a rubber snake in my bed just last night, then popped up and said, "It's 3 AM!! Who are you going to call now, Bitch?!" I'm not sleeping well, Barack.

But this time--this year--it will not work. The challenges are too great. The stakes are too high. I'll say. I borrowed money from a loan shark to pay for my tour bus. We've gotta win or he's going to break my knee caps. How come you've got all the Secret Service guys, and I've got nothing???

Americans need real change. You're so right, Barack. A homeless person asked me for some just the other day. When I tried to pass off a wooden nickel, he told me this exact thing.

In the coming weeks, we will begin a great debate about the future of this country with a man who has served it bravely and loves it dearly. And we will offer two very different visions of the America we see in the twenty-first century. Which vision would you like me to offer?

John McCain has already dismissed our call for change as eloquent but empty.
Not only that, Dude, but when I called his office for change the other day, they didn't even know who I was. They totally hung up on me. What have you been telling people about me, huh?
But he should know that it's a call that did not begin with my words. I know. It was my idea originally. It's the resounding call from every corner of this country, from first-time voters and lifelong cynics, from Democrats and Republicans alike. Except Terps. I tried to buy her silence, but it was a no go, I'm afraid. And together, you and I are going to grow this movement to deliver that change in November. I'm going to hatch it like a shiny, new egg, Barack!

Thank you,
Barack

You're Welcome,
Confusia

PS Tell me again when you plan on announcing me as your running mate? I mean, I'm not insecure about it or anything, I just would like to know that it's on your mind, you know?