Strange Things Were Afoot...

Hey Terps,
Sorry I'm just getting around to this today. I've been a bit lazy. What are you going to teach next year? I hadn't realized you were changing jobs. Did you see the baseball player this weekend?
My weekend was half alright, and half not. I decided that the weather was too risky to take the baby camping Friday night, which turned out to be a good thing, as I was called up to be a delegate to the County Democratic Convention. Saturday morning, I woke up earlier than the roosters, met with the other delegates from our precinct, and followed them out to the Texas Gaylord Hotel. Fortunately, I only had one child with me. Unfortunately, it was the baby who I had to stroll and carry for HOURS that day. But she was great for the most part, and my fellow delegates were very helpful.
Can I say how INCREDIBLE the Gaylord hotel is? I totally wanted to just check in and stay there. It's beautiful. Bars, restaurants, the Alamo, a riverwalk, spa, indoor and outdoor pools, a vineyard. Now, I really want to go there on a date night, or a weekend getaway. Nice.
Anyhow, when we got to the hotel, we had to get in line to register. Now, I was a volunteer at the county convention in '04, and people were just walking in, signing up, and moving on. There were maybe a thousand delegates there. This year, they had to split the county up into three different conventions, and there were still 3,000 delegates at the one I attended. UNBELIEVABLE! We waited in line for about two hours to reach the registration table. Then, we had to wait several hours while 87 precinct challenges were settled. Finally, the convention started. It took about two hours more, and we were able to leave. I liked it alot. Everyone was very civil to each other, Obama and Clinton supporters alike. There were no problems, and that made me glad.
After the convention, I got a call from Mr. confusia asking me if I wanted to join him at the lake for a camp-out. As it hadn't rained, I agreed. We ended up sleeping in the Suburban, and it was not what I'd call comfortable. We should have taken the air mattress, at least. I'm such a wuss these days. My hips hurt so bad if they don't have any cushioning under them. I'm getting old.
The good part is that at least I wasn't on the rag after all, and the Mirena appears to be working correctly at long last. Last night was the worst night of the weekend. Mr. Confusia once again told me he was checking into a motel for some reason. He waited all day, and then he finally left.
I cried for about ten minutes, and then I just thought, "Fuck it. If he comes back, he does. If he doesn't, oh well. I'm tired of this." I stopped crying, picked up a book, and was reading when I heard a knock on the window. He'd come back, and was asking me to unlock the door for him. He began telling me that when he got down the road, he just didn't feel right about his decision, but he still doesn't know what he's going to do. I'm proud of myself, because I didn't take responsibility for it for a change. I told him, "Look, I'm just going to be honest with you here. Unless your attitude changes, nothing here will get any better." He said, "So, you think it's not working mainly because of me?" I said, "Yes. Basically, I think your attitude is the biggest problem we have. You don't want to help with anything. You either tell me what to do, or tell me what I'm doing wrong. You don't actually ACT. You just talk. For the past month, you've been gone every evening fishing. The kids will be in bed when you get home, and I'll be in a decent mood which means that the kids haven't given me a bad time, and you'll STILL act like you put up with alot of drama, and everything. Dude, you haven't even been here, so what would you know about the kids' behavior anyway?"
Blah, blah, blah. Anyway, I told him what he needed to hear, and if he stays, then he needs to get his act together. If he goes, well, I may cry for ten minutes, but I think soon after that, I'll go the way of our buddy Regan, and refer to him as my "starter husband".
Cheers, Confusia

If only the weather sucked more...

Bonjour mon amie!

Of course today is a Monday. What more would you expect with dreary weather, my period starting two weeks early, and me feel lethargic and ill-tempered? I can't wait until this afternoon's faculty meeting, because really, who CAN get enough of that???

Enough of my bitching...how was your weekend? Did the camping turn out ok? Do you have any fun and zany stories to share? I would tell you all about my weekend, but I'd hate for you to get all jealous of me doing laundry and working all weekend, so I shall keep that to myself.

I can already tell that this is one of those weeks that won't end soon enough. I have something school realted to do every afternoon except Friday, and of course Friday I have to go work my other job, so... Anyway, I'm in the process of interviewing special education teachers to take over for me next year as I will be changing job assignments. Let me tell you the state of mind that puts me in. I have a difficult time being all excited about finishing out this school year as I know that I have to start doing a million things to prepare for next school year. Does that make me lazy. Probably. Eh, oh well.

So, I was just on Swouthwest Airlines' website looking at flight prices. I can get there and back for $117 and I have a $50 voucher, so I might plan a trip that way around mid-April. The thing is I don't wanna drive, but that means I won't have a car when I get there. Hhhhmmm, I don't know about that afterall. Either way, I'll keep you posted.

Ok. I'm off to explore the fascinating world of 6th grade social studies.
Love ya,
Terps

Irritable, Grumpy, Pissed Off...Just Another Day for Confusia

Dear Terps, Dear Confusia, Dear Terps,

Today, I am in a foul mood. Here are the reasons...

A. For about a week now, I've been freaking out because my monthly friend is overdue. Now, here's the thing: I have the Mirena thing which can make you not have a monthly friend at all, but has not affected me that way before this. In fact, it usually makes it much worse. This month, though, nothing. So, naturally, knowing how skilled I am at getting pregnant, I'm freaking out. I've done two pregnancy tests so far, and they're both negative. (Whew...) When I went into the store to buy them (wait...you had to go to the store and buy them? You don't just have a three pack in the cabinet under your sink? If you lived closer to me, I could have given you enough for one a day until you either a. believed you weren't pregnant or b. went to Planned Parenthood and had them do one there to assure you)Next time, I'll just come over to your house, and we'll have a pregnancy test part-AY, the pharmacist said, "So, are you nervous?" Is the Pope Catholic? I said, "Yeah. I've got a six month old at home already." Anyway, yippee! They turned out negative, which is great, but I'm thinking today may be the day old Aunt Flo comes for a visit....JUST as I'm supposed to go on a camping trip this weekend. Rock on. (I bet the S'Mores will taste really good!)and the two AM uphill walks to the bathroom in the rain even better. Bring it on.

B. Confusia Jr. had her hopes up earlier this week that this kid she was "going out with" earlier this year would go out with her again. Yesterday, when she asked him about it, he said, "No, Man." and walked away from her. So she had her heart broken...and is taking it out on all the rest of us. Good times. I'm at the point where I'm about to go find this kid, and tell him that he IS going to go out with her, and I don't give a damn what he thinks about it..ha ha (Oh God! I never even thought about how awful it must be to think about that shit not only at work but at home too. I feel for you!)You have no idea how sorry for myself I feel about this...surrounded by 6th graders 24-effing 7. I was a really, really bad girl in a past life.

C. Just a bunch of general pet peeves really bothering me lately.

1. Housework...what the hell? Does it ever just stay done??? (Perhaps you could laminate everything in your house and then just hose it off once a week???)Why didn't I think of this myself? Pure genius.

2. It seems I'm developing a flabby neck. I look in the mirror, and I see a turkey. This is a

sign of aging that is just NOT okay. Do you know of any exercises for your chin and neck? (You've seen my chin, right? I do not think you want to be getting advice about chins from anyone with one that looks like it's on steroids!)

What are you supposed to do about this? Send your neck jogging??? Why, Gravity?

WHY? What the fuck did I ever do to you???

3. This cold that won't go away. Cough, sneeze, dribble... (AT least it's just a cold. If it were me I would have decided that it's full-blown AIDS.)Didn't your roommate have this at one point? ha ha

4. Work. Not really a pet peeve, but grates on me like one. (More a necessary evil I'd say.)

I don't know what I'm going to do about all this. I would just decide to get drunk, but then I think, "All the calories from the liquor is going to make my flabby neck worse!" (But once you start drinking, you forget that you care!!!) So I don't even have that to ease my troubles. Shopping? Why? So I can get more depressed by trying to determine which is flabbier...my ass or my neck? Plastic Surgery? I've already visited a web site or two, but they're too expensive. I'm going to have to go with Plan A and perfect my At-Home

Plastic Surgery techniques. Hello, filet knife and vacuum attachment. (I remember once being in my RAV4 driving down some street in New Orleans talking about if we were on Extreme Makeover all the shit would have done. Do you remember that? Dammit! Why'd they take that show off the air???)I've been daydreaming about this show, let me assure you. I'll let you know how it goes.

Well, since I know that irritable, grumpy, pissed off misery loves company, please know that I too am having a shitty day. Usually, most people LOVE Fridays. In fact, many of those people will leave work at 5:00 to go enjoy Happy Hour somewhere. Once they get to their destination, they will find that their server is a bitchy, cranky, tired, irritable, grumpy, tired OLD hag who would just as soon drink gasoline as serve them. In other words, I have to be at work at 4:15 today. And I can't even take the opportunity to get drunk while there because I have to be back here tomorrow morning. CRAP! Screw it and get drunk anyway. If you show up at school job on Saturday smelling like a brewery and acting a little odd, maybe they won't expect you to show up on a frikkin' Saturday again. What's their problem??

Love, Confusia the Grouch

Love, Terpsichore

Love, Confusia

Take Me Out to the Ballgame..wink, wink

Dear Terps,
I think you were absent from work yesterday. Is there a reason for that? And by reason, I mean one who plays baseball and is in his twenties??? :)
Love, Confusia

Dear Confusia,

Me absent? I wish. Trust me, I was here. I was here every long minute of the day. I may have had a little batting practice the night before, but I still got my ass up at 5:00, went to the gym, and then ended up here. In fact, I sent you an email on your regular email about the website I accidentally found: http://www.booksurge.com/. Did you not get that? Not only was I here yesterday, the two days before that, and today, but I will also be here tomorrow AND Saturday as we have New Student Orientation all day Saturday. I'm sure I'll be in fine form too, as I have to work both jobs tomorrow. YIPPEE!
As for my homerun Tuesday night (the baseball references are endless, aren't they???) I was telling Michelle that now I'm sort of in a weird spot because I'm one of those once I've had it, I don't need it again for awhile types. I'm not sure about that working for him though. Thank goodness I'm busy almost every minute of everyday.
How are things going for you? Is it just me or does this seem like the longest week ever?
Love ya,
Terps

No, it's not you. It's a long week, but really, it could feel longer. I did get the e-mail about Book Surge. I'm looking it over amidst all the other fun stuff I'm doing today.
Well, I'm glad you got to have a bit of fun. You work so hard all the time, it's about time you got to play ball, so to speak. As it happens, I also got up to bat this week. This may be the first time in our history that we've both done so in the same week. It makes me feel like we both just stole home, y'know?
So guess how many baby bunnies Mr. Confusia brought home from work with him Tuesday night. If you guessed four, you're correct. I mean, I know it was Easter last Sunday, but do we have to celebrate it like this??? Guess how many of them have escaped from their captivity causing us to search all over the house for them. If you guessed three, you're correct. Granted, we think it's the same one getting out over and over again, but little Houdini needs to be careful. Apparently, our large cat has escaped his notice, but he has NOT escaped hers. They are really cute, though. Especially when they're all snuggled down together in their Timothy Hay. I warned Mr. Confusia that in a few months, it could become problematic. Guess why?
HEY BATTER, BATTER, BATTER!!! SWING BATTER!
-Confusia
I would like to amend the number of times bunnies have escaped. The total is now 6. I needed this like I needed that stomach virus.-Confusia

Yes, Could You Make Mine a Double? Oh And With Diet Tonic, Please.

Dear Confusia,

I have to agree with you that the drinking certainly helps. In fact, I will say (and probably do) things when I have been drinking that embarrass me when they come creeping back into my memory bank later. ARGH! But dance naked? I don't think so. Remember that I'm the girl who hopes she'll get to keep her shirt on (and maybe skirt if I'm lucky). Granted, just because I may have the "fucking hot stripper moves" (according to my one-woman lesbian fan club), some things are better dressed.

So I guess tomorrow I may or may not have some details for you. He really wants to come by tonight so I told him that would be fine. However, he doesn't leave work until 8:00 (damn baseball practice) and I'll likely chicken out WAY before that. In fact, through out today I have been trying to come up with good excuses as to why I have to postpone. Any suggestions? It doesn't help my situation that I'm usually headed to bed by 9:30 as I wake up pre-ass crack of dawn. Maybe needing to get some sleep can be my excuse???

How was your first day back in Hell?

Love ya,
Terps

You had to tell me about the 8 weeks until next break thing, didn't you? I counted the weeks up, and you're right, dammit! Today hasn't totally sucked, but it hasn't been a day at the beach drinking fruity cocktails, either.
Don't chicken out of this thing. I can't do scandalous shit anymore, so it's all on you. What are we going to do if we're BOTH boring?? Come on, Terps, do it...all the cool kids are...I bet you'll get to sit with the popular kids if you do it...
Really, I think you want to do it, but you're trying to talk yourself out of it. Live a little. The greatest part of life can be just digging into the buffet, you know? If you don't want to, that's one thing, but I think you do...
Also, why not dance naked? No one is going to see you. Yes, it feels weird initially, but if you keep at it long enough, I think it could really help you. I mean, I'm no Dr. Phil or anything, but...

That's What Liquor Is For...

Dear Terps,
I have a few ideas that might help alleviate your concerns.
A. Blindfold him. This will force his other senses to come alive! How exciting!
B. Turn off all the lights. Works the same as the blindfold. Now, the drawback with these is that, as we all have been told a million times, men are very visual. However, it seems to me that as long as they're getting some, they shouldn't ask too many questions like, "Why can't I see you?" :)
C. Drink alot, say, "Fuck it.", and then parade around in all your glory, and let him see all he wants. This would be my best suggestion.

Seriously, I know we've talked alot about how our body images should be reversed, as you have a good one, but think you don't, and I don't and think I'm a size 8. One thing I've learned is that men really aren't trying to look for flaws. They're not thrusting away thinking, "Ah man, I looked at her thighs. I told myself not to look at her thighs. I saw her cellulite. I think I'm gonna be sick." I really don't think they're thinking much at all. You just need to be confident. That's it. I would, this very evening, go home, turn off the lights in your bedroom, strip naked, turn up the music and dance. Dance naked. Bring out your inner stripper. Because honestly, who cares? Do you really think this guy doesn't know what you look like by now? You've been with him before. Clearly he wasn't grossed out or he wouldn't be coming back for more. Granted, I would be being dishonest if I didn't tell you that I have stopped being really enthused about having sex in our bathroom as it has alot of mirrors. I don't like looking up and seeing that my ass is the size of a small country, or that my belly has become quite Buddha-esque. It totally takes me out of the mood. But bring it on in the bedroom where there aren't any mirrors, and I can convince myself that I'm hot, and it's all good! Even at eight and nine months pregnant I would put on a miniskirt and heels with the goofy bunny ears, and shake my fanny. I KNOW for a fact that had I seen myself, I would have vomited. But HE liked it. That's the only person who has to like it, really, you know? So even if you think you look scary, he doesn't. Seriously, go home and dance naked. Very liberating. You'll see.

Regarding why younger men seem to like older women...I've got no idea, really, except there's less drama, and I think we're willing to be a little dirtier sometimes, maybe...or maybe that's just me..ha ha Who knows? Whatever the reason, I sure am thankful for it. Do you realize I have only been with one person who was older than me? What's up with that? Not only that, but it's like, they get progressively younger. For example, when I was 22, I was with a 19 yo., 23, with a 20 yo., 31 with a 23 yo, 35 with a 24 yo. More years between us each time...CRAZY! This means that, according to our math, when I'm 57, I will indeed be dating an embryo. Awesome.

Have You Met My Neurotic Friend?

So, I'm glad that you had a nice time in the greater New York/New Jersey area. I'm thinking about using the plane tickets I won at that infernal professional development meeting a few months back to go there sometime this summer. However, I've never been to Boston so I might go there instead. Either way I won't be here and by here I mean work. And need I point out to you that it will be over EIGHT weeks before our next holiday. Are you KIDDING me??? April SUCKS!
Anyway...so yes, yes, yes! I'm glad that you agree that it doesn't make me a wicked person to want to use this young man-child for wild monkey sex purposes, but now I have this OTHER issue. Ok, you know how I hate my body and all? Well, I think that there is something about him being so much younger than me that makes me even MORE self-conscious, ya know? I mean he probably has spent a lot more time looking at less than 25 year old bodies than greater than 35 year old ones. To be honest, I'm REALLY intrigued by the idea that he even wants to sleep with me. Do you have a theory for that? I can assure you that when I was in my mid-20s I had NO DESIRE to sleep with any man in his mid-30s.
Anyway, back to my disgusting body...So, as you know I'm always worried about how gross I must look to somebody when I'm having sex, but I REALLY am preoccupied with it when I consider the possibility of going up to bat (get it? baseball player, going up to bat...) with Steven again. And no, I haven't done it yet. I did see him briefly on Friday and he STILL wants to see me, again. Tonight in fact, but I'm experiencing a little anxiety at the prospect. Hell, maybe he doesn't have any sexual plans for me at all. Maybe he is hoping to witness to me because he knows what a godless whore I am. Wow, that kills the libido...
I'm insane. Help me!

Terps