Confusia Does the New Kids Dance...

Dear Terps,

Sometimes, life is good. I feel that I have some props coming my way for some shit I pulled last night...Let me explain.

A couple of weeks ago, my sister and I decided to go to see the New Kids on the Block Reunion Tour in Dallas. I tried to get some cheap tix on e-bay, but some evil person outbid me in the last 12 seconds. My sis, who shall henceforth be referred to Miss Congeniality (MC for short) got some tickets for us. they were for the last row in the arena...I'm talking about, our seats were located in Ft. Worth kind of last row in the arena...

I decided I had to take action. Now, as you may or may not know, my sisters and I ended up being New Kids fans back in the day...18 years ago to be precise. We saw them in concert at Texas Stadium back then. Despite our best efforts, we didn't manage to meet a single one of them. This tour, though, Donnie, who is my favorite New Kid on the Block, has said that he will be "very accessible". If that's not a challenge, I don't know what is...ha ha I figured I'd try to find Donnie,in an attempt to score better tickets or backstage passes (also in an attempt to have wild monkey sex with him... ha ha). I got ready early, dropped the kids off at their babysitters, and headed for the arena. I got there at about 1 PM. I waited FOREVER at the employee entrance. At one point, this guy walked up pushing a baby stroller that had some gift bags in it. With him were two women, one a Hispanic lady walking a dog, and the other a blode woman carrying a blonde baby. I thought, "You know, Joe (of the New Kids) has a baby around that age. I wonder if that's his wife." The women had already walked in, but the guy with the gift bags was still outside the door. I said, "Are those the wives?" The dude, who I thought was like a PR guy or something, looked up at me, and I said, "OH! You..You're Joey." He said, "What? I'm Joey?" and just smiled, and walked in. I was laughing because I'm so dorky. So I ran in to Joe. Still looking for Donnie. Finally, at about 3:30, the guy working security at the employee entrance tells me and four other girls who have not gone off seeking greener pastures that he has five stickers that will get us backstage, and that he'll give them to us if we meet him in one of the parking lots at four. We did, and he gave us the stickers. That guy was really nice. I was still waiting for Rachel to arrive, so I decided to go ahead and see if the sticker worked. It did. I was backstage at New Kids on the Block. Donnie, where are you???

My Finger Hurts

Dear Confusia,

Last night, I woke up and my room was kind of stuffy. I decided, as it was nice outside, that I should just open the window and let some air in. Well, I hadn't opened my window since back in April probably, so when my half-asleep person tried to open it, the window was stuck. Well, in my attempt to pull it open, I managed to rip not one, but TWO of my fingernails off my fingers. It was stupendously awesome.

Now, I'm here at school, thankful for Bandaids, and wishing it was 3:55 in stead of 9:55. I'm not sure if today was the day that you were going to chaperone some sporting event or if yesterday was. I get to take the volleyball teams to a UT game tonight. I know you're jealous. At least once that's over, I am coaching free for at least 9 months. SWEET!!!

Michelle was supposed to come visit this weekend, but something came up and she isn't going to make it afterall. I kind of like the idea that I don't HAVE to get hussied up and go out this weekend. Does that mean I'm old?

Hope you have a great weekend!

Love ya,
Terps

Last Thursday I had to go on a field trip to TCU for a girls soccer game. It was swell. TCU lost. BYU won. I was starving. My story is told.
I'm sorry about your fingernails. That sucks. That feeling of your fingernails ripping gives me the heebie-jeebies worse than fingernails on a chalkboard. I can barely talk about it without feeling yucky-ness in my spine.
Confusia

Who Says Public Education Needs Fixin'?

Dear Terps,
This was turned in to me on a sheet titled "Memories". I'm going to reprint it all word for word...
Terps, I give you The 6TH GRADE TEXAS STUDENT...(student's answers in red.)

1. I'll always remember a time I felt happy because some of the times I am happy, because as they say, ignorance is bliss, so come to think of it, I ALWAYS feel happy.
2. I'll always remember a time I felt sad because I don't no how to tie my shoes.
3. I'll always remember a time I felt afraid because Never in my life was I as scared as that time when Ms. B made me answer all these really hard questions without multiple choice options.
4. I'll always remember a time I felt left out because sometimz I get left out, like that time when my parents packed up and moved away and left me out of the plans.
5. I'll always remember a time i felt strong because always is a really strong maxi-pad brand and I like that.
6. I'll always remember a time I felt intelligent because some of the time when I'm in a room full of people with traumatic brain injuries and/or infants I seem pretty smart.
7. I'll always remember a time I felt successful because not all the time should you look at the fact that you can't do anything as being unsuccessful. For instance, if you are playing the role of "a bump on a log", being unable to accomplish anything is actually quite effective.
8. I'll always remember a time I felt frustrated because my sister (who is two-months old) scored higher than me on an IQ test.
9. I'll always remember a time I felt so angry because my cuzins told me I wasn't a good speller.
10. I'll always remember a time I felt so proud because I win something. It was really cool! I got to sit in the back of the police car and they had the sirens going and everything. It was really cool. I also liked it when they took me to that room and put my fingers in ink and pressed them on a piece of paper. It was neat-o!

Feel free to complete the sentences...ha ha ha (Not that I would ever try to score cheap laughs off of a student or anything...)
Love, Confusia

Enjoy!
Love ya, Terps

I laughed. Oh, how I laughed. Perhaps I'll answer them tomorrow! Oh wait, tomorrow I have to chaperone a field trip to a soccer game. It's sad that I'm actually excited about that simply because it beats having to put up with the daily BS I get in this classroom.

I Spy a Brilliant Blog!

Dear Confusia,

Have you checked out Does This Blog Make Us Look Fat?
It's AWESOME!
Have a great weekend!

Love,
Terps

Could Somebody Just Rip the Band-Aid Off???

Dear Confusia,

I chose to use green to write you in today as it is Spirit Day, and the colors blue, white, and black are enough to induce vomitting in me.

Few times in my teaching career have I been less excited to be at school. I just feel completely and totally BLAH! I should probably be teaching the girls right now, but my head is throbbing, and I feel like crap. Instead, I am letting them spend the rest of this class period making posters to hold up during this afternoon's pep rally. I hope one of the administrators comes down to see the kids making posters and me working on the blog. That'd be awesome. The thought of today makes me sick. We are attempting to have school (but the kids are not engaged) and then we have the dreaded pep rally and then we're having a tailgate party and then I have to get on a big yella and ride across town to coach a game. When I finally get home tonight, at 10:00, I should be in great shape. Looking forward to it, for sure.

How's your hell?

Terps
Dear Terps,
Welcome to Gangland. I got more gangstas in here than every GodFather movie put together. I don't get it. I don't understand why the gang problem is so much worse this year than last year. No granted, towards the end of last year it was bad, but it is just too soon in the year for us to be having this kind of constant crap. Starting last Friday, every day this week I've had kids in and out, waiting for parents to pick them up, and letters being sent home about alternative school assignments due to gang shit. I'm TIRED of it. So allow me to vent for just a moment.
If you are a little gang-banging wanna-be asshole, could you just go ahead and die? Seriously. I mean, you're gonna get killed eventually, so why not just skip all the years of you being a pain in the ass for everyone else? Look at it as time management. ALSO, just stay the hell away from kids. Stay the hell away from them. Oh yeah...and die. Thanks. Check it out, I'm even writing in equal opportunity gang colors so no one has to get defensive...
Okay, now I feel slightly better, but not totally better. I'm afraid that can only be managed by someone getting Adrien Brody and a a fucking tropical island here RIGHT FUCKING NOW!!!
Thank you, Confusia

Homecoming Hell, Day Two: The "Fun" Continues

Dear Confusia,

How are you? Again I write to you wearing something completely ridiculous, god-awful in fact. Today is "Twin Day", so several teachers decided we'd wear the girls' basketball uniforms. There ended up being 8 of us. I'm not quite sure what that makes us, octuplets? John and Kate plus 8? Not sure, but now I have to walk around all day in this less-than-figure flattering ensemble. At least I was smart enough to remember my lunch today and have no reason to go out in public looking like this. Of course, I do have the health educators from Planned Parenthood coming in to do sex ed with the kids. That'll be fun.

Speaking of fun...you know how I get up at the ass-crack of dawn to go to the gym in the mornings? Well, imagine my joy when I got there at 5:30 and the a-hole who is supposed be there at 4:00 to open it hadn't shown yet. It was one of those, is it worth for me to drive back home now? Should I wait a few minutes and see if he shows? Where the hell is he? kind of moments. Turns out he never showed up, but several trainers (who had appointments with clients) did. Eventually they called a locksmith out who pretty much had to take the whole door off in order to get us in. I had just enough time to take a shower and leave to come to work. Really??? I wake up at 4:45 just so I can hang out in my car until 6:45??? That was good times.

I wish today was Friday? And I wish I had a vodka tonic right now? (Is 9:30 too early for that???)

Terps
Dear Terps,
At least I don't have to wear poodle skirts and b-ball uniforms to work. I hate those moments where things go wrong, and you're like, "Oh shit, what do I do? What do I DO???"
It's sad that we are such creatures of routine that we get thrown off so easily. It reminds me of that ant in the movie "A Bug's Life" He's carrying the piece of grain in a line, but a leaf falls and lands in front of him. He looks, then wails, "I'M LOOOOOSSSTTT!" Yep, that's how I feel...
I'M LOSSSSTTTTTT! ha ha

Stupid Monday

Dearest Confusia,

How are you? I write to you from my desk in my classroom wearing a poodle skirt and Saddle Oxfords. I look and feel like a total moron. It is homecoming week and today is "Dress Like Your Favorite Decade". The Fifties is not my favorite decade, but Rachel had that skirt from the Halloween we went as the Pink Ladies, so I figured, what the hey. However, now that I have it on I feel like a complete douche bag. Really? I didn't decide to go as the 90s? I could be sitting here at my desk wearing jeans and a flannel shirt, (for all intents and purposes, my pjs) but no, instead I'm wearing a skirt complete with tulle and sequines. Fun! I think the best part of the experience thus far is this morning, I had to get dressed at the gym. I found myself trying to justify to the ladies in the locker room (women I never talk to) why it was that I was wearing a pink poodle skirt. In fact, as I was leaving the gym, I had an older woman come up to me and ask me where I got the skirt. She informed me that she's going to her 50 year high school reunion and wanted to dress like the times. I almost took it off and gave it to her right there. Only that I would have been clad in nothing but my underwear kept me from doing do. Just when I thought the humiliation of it would end as soon as I got to school, it dawned on me that I forgot to bring my lunch today. Now, I'll have to go out in public at lunchtime and get something or I could starve. Starving is always an option. Have I mentioned that I look like a total tool?

By the way, if I ever see tie-dye again, I might puke. I guess the 70s is an easy decade to dress like? Ugh!

How was your weekend?
Dear Terps,
My weekend was f-ing swell, let me tell you. Last week I tried to get my car inspected, but no sooner had I pulled up than the dude was like, "That won't pass. I can already tell you've got an exhaust leak. Take it to so-and so, and they can take a look at it for you." So I drove it to the other place he suggested, and the guy told me it sounded like a cracked exhaust manifold. He said he could weld it for me if I could go to this other garage and have them take it out. So off I went, only to discover that they wanted 200 bucks just to take the thing out. On to Plan B. I went to a junkyard and got an exhaust manifold for 75 bucks. I took it back to the house and started working on the car. I got the heat shield off, but the alternator was in the way, and my weak female arms couldn't get all the screws on the manifold off. I called my father-in-law, and he came over to help me. I told him that there weren't any cracks in the damn manifold. He saw it and agree with me. He put a five dollar gasket in there with the old manifold, and the car passed inspection yesterday. Now the junkyard won't take the other manifold back, so I'm stuck with the damn thing. I'm going to try to sell it and an old boat motor Alan's got as scrap metal, though.
The funniest thing about this is we both know I know shit about cars and how to fix them. I was covered in grease, and blisters, but I did save myself some money! Plus, I got to feel like Rosie the Riveter...ha ha I'm such a badass car mechanic!
When the hell are we retiring to our island again???