Teacher Found Under Desk Rocking Back and Forth and Sucking Thumb

Dear Confusia,
I am about to lose it. I do not know how or why this happened, but my school scheduled two MAJOR events between now and the last day of school. This Friday we have a school carnival complete with everything you could imagine. However, unlike other schools, where the PTA puts on carnivals, WE put it on. It is student lead, which as we all know, is just another way of saying TEACHER lead. And as if that wasn't enough, Saturday, May 30, we have an 8th grade cotillion complete with red carpets and fancy dresses and all that nonsense. I guess it wouldn't be such a big deal, but we're trying to wrap up the school year, give final exams, finish major projects, etc, and then you want me collecting money for these events, along with cookies and frosting, and decorations for the booth that I am in charge of yet would never actually eat anything from. ARE YOU KIDDING ME???????
I think I'm about to be over the deep end.
Love, Terps
Dear Terps,
With DaThug getting married and all, now, I think it's about that time...I'm talking about auditions for DaThug 2009. I will begin putting up signage in urban gang infested areas immediately. Should be easy since I work in one. Hell, I could probably just put a few posters in my classroom, and never have to leave the comfort of the AC. I am really, really glad that I don't have to deal with a carnival OR a cotillion, though as heinous as it sounds, I might suggest to principal that we have one next year. It might expose these kids to something other than Gangsta Rap and dance floor procreation. Just sayin'. We usually have a dance, but it would be kinda cool to have one where the kids have to dress up. The girls would go psycho about it!
You'll never guess what I saw on my way to work this morning. Seriously.
A kid on a bike, crossing an extremely busy road, while talking on a cell phone. I guess it will make it that much easier for the person on the other end to dial the ambulance when he/she hears the sound of crunching bones. WTF??? I need a bumper sticker that says, "Shut up, and bicycle!"
Love, Confusia